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Kobe Bryant's killer instinct by Chad Ballard?

2009-11-14T18:29:00.003-08:00

A great moment in humility it was not.

After scoring 25 of his 27 points in the second half of Game 1 of the Western Conference finals last week against the San Antonio Spurs, Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant said of his strong finishing kick, "I can get off" -- that is, score at will -- "at any time. In the second half I did that."

Granted, Bryant was just being honest, but tact would dictate that he let others say such things about him. As you may have noticed, though, Bryant isn't big on tact. Time and again over the last decade he has announced the particulars of his awesomeness. As teammate Luke Walton dryly puts it, "Kobe does not lack for confidence."

Just as Bryant's bravado irks some -- O.K., many -- it also makes him riveting to watch when he does get off: Like the man himself, the manner in which he bears down is never subtle. Spurs forward Bruce Bowen, Bryant's foil these many years, says there's no indicator of an impending scoring binge, joking that you can't tell "by the way he chews his gum or something." But that's not true at all. Rather, his eruptions are almost comically predictable. Former teammate Devean George, now with the Dallas Mavericks, speaks of "that Kobe face where he starts looking around all pissed off." His coach at Lower Merion High in Ardmore, Pa., Gregg Downer, says he can recognize this expression even on TV. In these moments Bryant's youthful impudence, which flummoxed Del Harris when he was L.A.'s coach during Bryant's first two years in the league, resurfaces. "Kobe would put it on the floor and start going between his legs, back and forth, back and forth," says Harris, "and only then would he decide what to do."

So there was Kobe on May 21, with the Lakers down 20 in the third quarter and the L.A. crowd starting to boo, whipping the ball between his legs and shaking his noggin at Bowen like some enormous, ticked-off bobblehead. What followed seemed, in retrospect, inevitable: the deep jumpers, the twisting drives, the scowls and, finally, a cold-blooded Bryant pull-up in the lane with 23.9 seconds left to cap the 89-85 comeback win. Watching him manhandle the game, you could feel the series tilting westward, and indeed the Lakers were up two games to one after a 101-71 blowout last Friday and a 103-84 loss in Game 3 on Sunday.

Call it what you will: killer instinct, competitive fire, hatred of losing or, as Boston Celtics reserve guard Sam Cassell once said, "that Jordan thing." It's what has spurred Bryant all these years, what the Lakers will rely on if they are to win their first post-Shaq championship, what separates Kobe from the rest of the NBA. In 2002 Bryant said, "There's only two real killers in this league," meaning himself and Michael Jordan. Well, now there is only one. And it ain't Fabricio Oberto.

Because Kobe is Kobe, however, he cannot (or will not) soften his edge, the way Jordan did with his buddy-buddy NBA friendships, his who-would-have-thunk smirk or his endorsa-riffic smile. With Bryant, it manifests itself during practice, during games, during summer workouts, during conversation. Even in his dreams he is probably swatting a Connie Hawkins finger roll into the third row. "He can't turn it off, even if he tried," says George, one of a handful of NBA players relatively close to Bryant. And for that Kobe has often been pilloried. But is this really fair? "Kobe wants it so badly that he rubs an awful lot of people the wrong way," says Lakers consultant Tex Winter, the guru of the triangle offense, who has known Bryant since 1999. "But they're not willing to understand what's inside the guy."

O.K., then, let's try to understand. Starting at the beginning, moment by basketball moment.

It's 1989, and Bryant is 11 years old and living in Italy, where his father, Joe, is playing professional basketball. One day Kobe bugs Brian Shaw, a Boston Celtics first-round pick playing in Rome because of a contract dispute, to go one-on-one. Eventually Shaw agrees to a game of H-O-R-S-E. "To this day Kobe claims he beat me," says Shaw, now a Lakers assistant. "I'm like, Right, [I'm really trying to beat] an 11-year-old kid. But he's serious." Even back then Shaw noticed something different. "His dad was a good player, but he was the opposite of Kobe, real laid-back," says Shaw. "Kobe was out there challenging grown men to play one-on-one, and he really thought he could win."

It's early 1992, and Bryant is an eighth-grader in the suburbs of Philadelphia, skinny as an unfurled paper clip. He is playing against the Lower Merion varsity in an informal scrimmage. The older teens are taken aback. "Here's this kid, and he has no fear of us at all," says Doug Young, then a sophomore. "He's throwing elbows, setting hard screens." Bryant was not the best player on the floor that day -- not yet -- but he was close.

It's 1995, and Bryant is the senior leader of the Lower Merion team, obsessed with winning a state championship. He comes to the gym at 5 a.m. to work out before school, stays until 7 p.m. afterward. It's all part of the plan. When the Aces lost in the playoffs the previous spring, Bryant stood in the locker room, interrupting the seniors as they hugged each other, and all but guaranteed a title, adding, "The work starts now." (Bryant remains so amped about his alma mater that when he taped a video message for the team a few years ago, it contained few of the usual platitudes and instead had Bryant reeling off a bunch of expletives and exhorting the boys to "take care of f------ business!")

During the Kobe era at Lower Merion no moment was inconsequential, no drill unworthy of ultimate concentration. In one practice during his senior year, "just a random Tuesday," as coach Downer recalls, Bryant was engaged in a three-on-three drill in a game to 10. One of his teammates was Rob Schwartz, a 5' 7" junior benchwarmer. With the game tied at nine, Schwartz had an opening, drove to the basket and missed, allowing the other side to score and win. "Now, most kids go to the water fountain and move on," says Downer. Not Bryant. He chased Schwartz into the hallway and berated him. It didn't stop there, either. "Ever get the feeling someone is staring at you -- you don't have to look at them, but you know it?" says Schwartz. "I felt his eyes on me for the next 20 minutes. It was like, by losing that drill, I'd lost us the state championship."

Bryant had already begun to coax teammates into staying late or coming in at odd hours so he could hone his skills. "We'd play games of one-on-one to 100," says Schwartz. "Sometimes he'd score 80 points before I got one basket. I think the best I ever did was to lose 100-12." Imagine the focus required to score 80 freakin' baskets before your opponent scores one. And Bryant's probably still pissed that Schwartz broke double digits.

It's 1996, and the Lakers call in Bryant, fresh off his senior prom -- he took pop singer Brandy, you might recall -- for a predraft workout at the Inglewood High gym. In attendance are G.M. Jerry West and two members of L.A.'s media relations staff, John Black and Raymond Ridder. Bryant is to play one-on-one against Michael Cooper, the former Lakers guard and one of the premier defenders in NBA history. Cooper is 40 years old but still in great shape, wiry and long and stronger than the teenaged Bryant. The game is not even close. "It was like Cooper was mesmerized by him," says Ridder, now the Golden State Warriors' executive director of media relations. After 10 minutes West stands up. "That's it, I've seen enough," Ridder remembers West saying. "He's better than anyone we've got on the team right now. Let's go."

It would be a pattern: Bryant bearing down on players he once idolized. At Magic Johnson's summer charity game in 1998 he went after Orlando Magic star Penny Hardaway so hard -- in a charity game -- that Hardaway spent the fall telling people he couldn't wait to play the Lakers so he could go back at Bryant. And, more famously, Kobe attempted to go one-on-one against Jordan in the '98 All-Star Game, waving off a screen from Karl Malone. Take your pick-and-rolling butt out of here; I've got Jordan iso'd! That one didn't go over so well with the Mailman. "When young guys tell me to get out of the way," Malone said at the time, "that's a game I don't need to be in." In Bryant's mind, however, no one is unbeatable. As a rookie with the Lakers, despite his coming straight out of high school, he approached Harris. "He said, 'Coach, if you just give me the ball and clear out, I can beat anybody in this league,' " recalls Harris. When that pitch didn't work, the 6' 6" Bryant returned. "Then he'd say, 'Coach, I can post up anybody who's guarding me. If you just get me in there and clear it out, I can post up anybody.' " Harris chuckles. "I said, 'Kobe, I know you can, but right now you can't do it at a high enough rate for the team we have, and I'm not going to tell Shaquille O'Neal to get out of the way so you can do this.' Kobe didn't like it. He understood it, but in his heart he didn't accept it."

It is 2000, and Bryant is an All-Star and franchise player. Still, after guard Isaiah Rider signs as a free agent, Bryant repeatedly forces him to play one-on-one after practice -- Bryant wins, of course -- to reinforce his alpha alpha male status. When six-time All-Star guard Mitch Richmond arrives the next year, he gets the same. "He was the man, and he wanted us to know it," says Richmond. "He was never mean or personal about it, it's just how he was."

Not that Bryant never loses, but beat him at your own risk. Decline a rematch and . . . well, that's not an option. "If you scored on him in practice or did something to embarrass him, he would just keep on challenging you and challenging you until you stayed after and played him so he could put his will on you and dominate you," says Shaw, Bryant's teammate from 1999 to 2003. This included not allowing players to leave the court. Literally. "He'd stand in our way and say, 'Nah, nah, we're gonna play. I want you to do that [move] again,' " Shaw says. "And you might be tired and say, 'Nah, I did it in practice.' But he was just relentless and persistent until finally you'd go play, and he'd go at you."

And just as he once did with Rob Schwartz, Bryant keeps NBA teammates after practice as guinea pigs. He unveils a spin move or a crossover or something else he has picked up watching tape and does it over and over and over. "The crazy thing about it is, he has the ability to put new elements in his game overnight," says George, a Laker from 1999 to 2006 and a frequent target of Kobe's requests. "He might say, 'Stay after and guard this move. Let me try it on you,' and he'll do it the next day in the game." George pauses to let this sink in. "Most of us, we'll try it alone, then we'll try it in practice, then in a scrimmage, and only then will we bring it out for a game. He'd do it the next day -- and it would work."

It's 2003, and Bryant is getting worked up in an interview while talking about a variation on a move: a jab step-and-pause, where you sink deep, hesitate to let the defender relax and, instead of bringing the jab foot back, push off it. Soon enough, Bryant is out of his chair and using the reporter as a defender on the carpeted floor. Then he has the reporter trying the move. Some people are Star Wars nerds; Bryant is a basketball nerd. "I think Kobe's actually a little bit embarrassed by his love of basketball," says Downer. "People called him a loner, but it's just that basketball is all he wants to focus on. I think he's part of a dying breed that loves the game that way."

That's why Bryant gets so excited to meet kindred souls. Asked last week about Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, Bryant's face lit up as he remembered the time he played for Pop. "I was really hoping he'd run us through one of those rigorous practices he does," said Bryant, who got his wish. By the way, Kobe was talking about practice for the '05 All-Star Game.

Now it's 2008, the Western Conference finals. Bryant is finally where he wants to be: an MVP playing on his team, no behemoth Hall of Famer to get in the way of post-ups, within reach of a title. He is also, by almost all accounts, the best player in the league. "It's not even close," says one Western Conference scout. "The difference between him and LeBron [James] is like [the one between] a Maserati and a Volvo."

The scout has other things to say about Bryant. For example, on his weaknesses: "Um, let me think . . . [long pause] . . . No, I don't think he has any." On his athleticism: "There are probably 10 [with more] in the league" -- he names Andre Iguodala, Josh Smith, Dwight Howard and J.R. Smith as examples -- "but no one uses his as well as Kobe. Just watch his footwork sometime." And on his focus: "There's a difference between loving basketball and liking basketball. There are only about 30 guys in the league who love it, who play year-round. Allen Iverson loves to play when the lights come on. Kobe loves doing the s--- before the lights come on."

This thing, this freakish compulsion, may be the hardest element of the game to quantify. There are no plus-minus stats to measure a player's ruthlessness, his desire to beat his opponent so badly he'll need therapy to recover. One thing's for sure: You can't teach it. If so, Eddy Curry would be All-NBA and Derrick Coleman would be getting ready for his induction ceremony in Springfield, Mass. But people know it when they see it. G.M.'s, coaches and scouts cite only a few others who have a similar drive -- Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Manu Ginóbili, Steve Nash, Chris Paul and Deron Williams -- though they make clear that none of those stars are in Kobe's league. (In an SI poll earlier this season Bryant was a runaway winner as the opponent players feared most, at 35%.)

Even some of the great ones lacked it. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar says that when he was young, rather than challenging everyone as Kobe does, he "just wanted peace." "I think it's a quirk of personality," says Abdul-Jabbar. "Some of us are like Napoleon, and some are Walter Mitty."

Idan Ravin, a personal trainer who works with Paul, Carmelo Anthony, Gilbert Arenas and Elton Brand and is known by some in the league as "the hoops whisperer" for his effect on players, has even broken killer instinct down into components: love of the game, ambition, obsessive-compulsive behavior, arrogance/ confidence, selfishness and nonculpability/ guiltlessness. He sees them all in Bryant.

"If he's a ruthless s.o.b., I kind of respect that," says Ravin. "Why should he be passing up opportunities? Why pass it to a guy who doesn't work as hard, who doesn't want it like you do?"

Even now, every little challenge matters to Bryant. Here he is at the end of a practice last week. Each Laker has to take a free throw. Everybody hits his except Bryant, who rims one out. The only shooter left is Derek Fisher, who shot 88.3% from the line this season. Bryant stands to the side of the basket, fidgeting. As Fisher's shot arcs toward the rim, Bryant suddenly takes two quick steps and leaps to goaltend the attempt. "Of course," forward Lamar Odom says later, "he couldn't be the only one to miss."

So, you see, this is Kobe, all of this. Sometimes childish, sometimes regal, sometimes stubborn, always relentless. This is a guy who, according to Nike spokesperson KeJuan Wilkins, had the company shave a couple of millimeters off the bottom of his signature shoe because "in his mind that gave him a hundredth of a second better reaction time." A guy who has played the last three months with a torn ligament in the pinkie of his shooting hand. A guy who, says teammate Coby Karl, considers himself "an expert at fouling without getting called for it." (Watch how Bryant uses the back of his hand, not the front, to push off on defenders and a closed-fist forearm to exert leverage.) A guy who says of being guarded by the physical Bowen, "It'll be fun" -- and actually means it. A guy who, no matter what he does, will never get the chance to play the one game he'd die for: Bryant versus Jordan, each in his prime. "There'd be blood on the floor by the end," says Winter, who has coached them both.

This is Kobe Bryant, age 29, in pursuit of his fourth NBA title. Even if it's hard for us to understand him, perhaps it's time that we appreciate him.

Kobe Bryant's killer instinct by Chad Ballard?
HE IS 29 AND OLD, BOUT TO BE 30 AND OVERRATED, NOT EVEN THE BEST IN THE NBA
Reply:Haha. You expect me to read all of that. Especially a article about Kobe? Pshh.
Reply:Your diction is verbal masterbation!
Reply:You could have just aked if anyone read the article. I thought it was very interesting, but not really surprising to hear that Kobe has an insane killer instinct and competitveness like Jordan. I thought his motivational video for Lower Merion was funny.
Reply:Kobe is considered the best because he is a flashy player, he flaunts all of his skill when he plays by doing tricky moves and crossovers etc. There are at least a few players in the same league as him, you only gotta look at the league top scorers to find out who

Global Warming's Real Problem, Please Read?

2009-11-14T18:29:00.002-08:00

Say the hippies got what they wanted, an entire green planet with everyone doing their part to protect the plant and all living together in peace.

At the time of posting there are 6.8 billion people on this planet. In 1979, 29 years ago, there were 4.4 billion people and in 2037, 29 years from now, there will be an estimated 10.3 billion people on this planet. If anyone has looked at a population graph of the world, and has an IQ number higher than my shoe size, 14, you will know it to be an exponential graph. Which means that the population is increasing at and rapidly increasing rate. Then you would also understand the idea of carrying capacity. A simple definition of carrying capacity is “Carrying capacity refers to the number of individuals who can be supported in a given area within natural resource limits, and without degrading the natural social, cultural and economic environment for present and future generations (gdrc)” So basically, if you have more food, you can have more rabbits. If you have less food, some of your rabbits die from starvation, population decreases.

Does anyone see a problem?The UN itself said that the livestock sector generates more greenhouse gas emissions as measured in CO2 than transport (fao). "The global livestock sector is growing faster than any other agricultural sub-sector (fao)" So agriculture is growing fast, population is growing fast, CO2 is going to shot through the roof weather we stop driving or not.

This is the main reason that I don’t care if my 1969 dodge doesn’t pass smog, or if I burn plastic, Styrofoam, or fart.

Never, in history of the planet, has the whole world come together as a whole to do anything but kill each other. Say you do get the world to ban together and help the planet. So you are going to convince the whole world not to eat meat?

So I said all of that to say two things. The first one is best said by one of my favorite antagonists

"I'd like to share a revelation during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. (Agent Smith)”

My opinion on fixing the problem, everyone is entitled to one, is mass genocide. Why, because it’s either that, or the world will fail, which really doesn’t bother me either, because I will not be around.

Sources:http://www.fao.org/newsroom/en/news/2006...

http://www.ibiblio.org/lunarbin/worldpop

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Livestock's...

http://www.gdrc.org/uem/footprints/carry...

Global Warming's Real Problem, Please Read?
What's your question?
Reply:"Never, in history of the planet, has the whole world come together as a whole to do anything but kill each other."

And rather ironically, that seems to be the answer to the question you pose.
Reply:World genocide? You're talking about mother nature making her correction to the overpopulation problem.

People forget that we're living organisms. The only law we ultimately live under is natures law.
Reply:You're definitely correct, mass genocide would be a highly efficient way to end the crisis. But who do we kill off? Obviously no body wants to die, but some people need to. This poses a problem, and trying to figure out who to kill off would likely lead to our own destruction. Problem solved! Wait....

Or:

Nature takes it course and our "boom" in population liekly leads to a "bust", which will ost definitley happen very soon. Either way, we're screwed as a species.
Reply:Okay, let's assume your most reasonable assumption to be the case, that human growth will continue according to your estimates, that no huge plague or famine will come along, that no country besides China introduces a one-child policy, that the naturaly population decline in prosperous Western European nations neither spreads nor intensifies, which as I say is reasonable, there are still some issues.

For a start your argument for not doing your bit to help reduce global warming ammounts to "it's pointless unless everyone else does it too and I'll probably be dead by then anyway". Really, for all you research, all your reasoning and rationalising, your argument boils down to "I can't be bothered" and is effectively a product of selfishness and laziness. Also you seem to disdain environmentalists, your use of the term hippies seems derisive. I'm guessing you are politically rather than scientifically motivated,but intelligent enough to realise that the "it's not happeneing" and "humans are not a cause" lines you were given for years are not true, but continue to emotionally attach yourself to one side of an issue and set about searchingfor reasons to support a position as close as you could find to your previous one. In other words you have use circular logic, and you ought to realise that that will never lend itself to a coherent argument. Also your willingness to support mass genocide points towards sociopathy (also hinted at by your apparent selfishness and use of the term hippies to dismiss others).

Incidentally, the UN report you cite excludes that the leading contributor to CO2 emissions is industry.

You asked for an opinion,I prefer conclusions,and based on your answer I conclude you are an intelligent but culturally deluded individual with a potential for sociopathic behaviour. I hope am incorrect regarding the sociopathy.

What kinds of things are tax deductible and how do you keep track of them?

2009-11-14T18:29:00.001-08:00

For my husband's new job as an insurance agent, people have been telling us that there are lots of things that at the end of next year we can deduct from our taxes. I'll go to a tax place to have them do the paperwork part, but how do I know what to tell them to deduct? What kinds of things should we keep track of and how do you do it? Do I keep every single receipt? Do I just throw them in a shoe box or do I need to total them up at the end of each month? Should we just write them down instead? Do I need to keep work related expenses apart from charity donations? Do we need to write on each receipt what it was for and why (like gas receipts that are for work travel vrs. fun travel)? Help! I have no clue!

What kinds of things are tax deductible and how do you keep track of them?
You asked WAY too many questions to be answered on this website. Visit the IRS website and/or go to a tax attorney or preparer. And DON'T listen to what "people" tell you, advice-wise; only you and your husband know your financial situation, and it is YOUR responsibility to maintain your tax records (I'm a little curious: how did both of you handle your taxes before this?).
Reply:It's too general a question to get an answer here. But it might be worth paying a CPA for an hour or so of their time to have them explain what records you should keep and what might be deductible. Basically any expenses that are necessary and customary for his job would most likely be deductible. If he's driving as part of his job he should be keeping a mileage log, showing ALL miles driven every day, and how many are person, how many are commuting (home to the office and back) and how many are business (e.g. out from the office to client sites).

Your charitable donations, and any other itemized expenses that aren't related to business, will show on a different place on your tax return (on schedule A - business stuff will be on schedule C) butyou can keep them in the same shoebox if you want to. It will make things a lot easier if you write on each receipt what it was for.

Gas and other car expense receipts might not be worth keeping, especially if he's using the same car for business and for personal or commuting miles. You have the option of deducting a straight mileage allowance, which generally works out financially and saves you a lot of recordkeeping.
Reply:Read IRS Publication 334 to learn about business deductions.

Also, buy some basic accounting software like Quicken.

azalea

You know you're Italian when?

2009-11-14T18:29:00.000-08:00

You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5'9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:

. Your grandfather had a fig tree.

. You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

. Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

. Your mom's meatballs are the best.

. You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

. Plastic on the furniture is normal.

. You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

. You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

. You've called someone a "mamaluke."

. And you understand "bada bing"

You know you're Italian when?
XD nice one
Reply:you talk with your hands haha yell instead of talking...lets go eat is used all the time, you have red furniture covered in plastic, alot of your friends are "connected " and i can go on and on.. alotta my friends are italians and there great..espeically the grandmas what food!!!! wow
Reply:your flag has only 1 colour on it, and you have been led, mistakenly, to believe that white is actually a colour.

ONLY JOKING YOU PAIR OF BIG..............cellmates, oops!

I know, assume the position!!
Reply:Similar to the Greek one
Reply:.... you hang furry dice from your rearview mirror, LOL...!!
Reply:LOL ! Everything went well until the end of your "joke". The "bada bing" and "mamaluke" is an all American/Italian thing. Nobody in Italy even understands that expression sweetie ! Sorry, I am an Italian born and bred ! LOL !
Reply:Ha ha stereotyping people is funny.
Reply:im italian!!! and proud. i dont think i had to tell u that cause u could have looked at my nickname.

wow all of that is pretty true. although on christmas eve we have more than fish andin my family my mom-mom is the best cook.
Reply:yes i do
Reply:haha, I live not far from Italy, this is so true and funny!!
Reply:my grandmother is Italian, She never says bada bing, and all her family is overseas!
Reply:Ehhhh. My dad just told me that I'm Italian. Sorry!!
Reply:Yeppers.

Im Italian
Reply:LOL ! You can't go wrong with "Clo is lovely!" she really is Italian and extremely proud of it !!
Reply:what's your question?
Reply:You've described some Italians who live in the U.S. Dovresti visitare me a Milano..............

Clo - hai ragione..non avevo mai sentito dire Bada Bing ecc.ecc. !
Reply:Aha!..
Reply:Haha!!! 100% Italian right here!!!!!
Reply:amd you grow a moustache to look like your mother
Reply:this would be easier if you actually asked a question lol but ur italian when you talk with your hands a got a bunch of italian friends
Reply:Wise Guy ehh..!? Forget about it..
Reply:You're Italian if.....you forget to ask a f***ing question...

Could someone please help edit my paper?

2009-11-14T18:28:00.003-08:00

I am an applicant for the Borde Patrol, but I was found unsutable for the job. So I need to respond to a NOPA, and see what happends.

My name is xxxx xxxx. I am an applicant for the position of Border Patrol Agent. I am writing in response to a 01MAR08. According to the letter, there is one incident in my teenage history that raised suitability concerns, which is an example of immature misconduct in school. I intend to explain that during the time frame of 2005, I was, like many 17 year olds, a very immature and childish person. I take full responsibility for my lackluster performance during this time frame, and I hope to prove to you that I have long since grown up and become an upstanding asset to society.

While attending high school, I made some poor decisions regarding my choice of friends in my third year, which lead to my expulsion and arrest. As a juvenile, I never did realized that associating with the wrong type of crow could involved me in such a predicament in the future, especially to accomplish an ambition and aspiration of joining a law enforcement agency such as the United States Border Patrol. I was immature and unaware of the significant conflict a mediocre action and act of mine, could have, as I matured and took responsibility for my actions. Although I never did “jump-in” or formally entered the gang, I did associate with the members of the Sureno gang.

Please allow me the opportunity to address the following incident:

Issue 1:

On February 26, 2005, I was arrested by the Fresno Police Department, after a disturbance on campus between the Sureno and Bulldog Gangs. The incident initiated when members of the Bulldog gang began to verbally attack members from the Sureno gang from outside of campus. The group of Surenos and I were gather at a bench that was located in front of campus, when a security guard took notice of the verbal attacks the rival gang made. Carmen, a security guard at Roosevelt High School, approached the group of Surenos and I, and notified the group to calm down and ignored the verbal attacks. She stated that the Fresno Police Department had already been notified that an outside group of Bulldogs was verbally taunting students from the high school. After a couple of minutes, the number of security guards and police officers began to increase. Within the group of Surenos there was an ex-student that had been expelled from Roosevelt High School and was not supposed to be on or near campus. After the group took notice of that event, the ex-student gave me a gold color metal knuckle which I concealed in my left shoe. The ex-student then proceeded to exit the school campus through a back gate located at the southwest of campus. I and two other members of the Sureno Gang followed the ex-student to the back gate. As the group walked to the southwest gate, security guards took notice of the sudden departure and tried to stop the group. The group took notice of this, and sprinted to the gate. Near the gate, the group was approached by a security guard on a golf cart and told us to stop. I and the companions stopped, the ex-student continued and escaped without being capture. After being stopped, Vice Principal Vargas approached the group, questioned and searched the group. After searching the group, he discovered the hidden gold metal knuckle in my left shoe.

I do not blame anyone for my immature and lackluster performance that occurred in high school. I understand that I was not obligated to take possession and/or concealed the metal knuckle in my shoe. As I did, I took full responsibility for my actions and accepted the punishment as such.

After being arrested and expelled, the juvenile court gave me a misdemeanor and sentence me to a year of probation along with probation school. During year of probation, I had to meet with my Probation Officer Juan Flores each month, not associate or be near gang members, along with other conditions.

The year of probation and probation school made a significant difference in my life. Not only was I separated from the bad influences that surrounded me at school, but it also furnished the opportunity to exceed academically and in attendance. Probation school transformed my way of thinking. I was not surrounded by students who wish to exceed academically, but with students who did not careless for their futures. I saw the disrespect the students showed to the teachers, whose only ambition was to help the students exceed in life and academically. I realized that I was not a bad person; I was just heading in the wrong direction. Probation school changed my life.

After completing my year of probation and probation school, I enrolled at Reedley Community College. At this community college, I completed two years of education and obtained my Associates of Art degree. In addition, in the year 2006 I was in the Dean’s list for achieving a GPA of more that 3.50. Currently I am attending Fresno State University.

With this letter, I will enclose all the documents with which I will try to demonstrate that I have mature and taken action to pursue my dream of joining the United States Border Patrol. The documents that will be enclosed with this letter are:

• Grades from high school.

• Grades from probation school.

• Grades from college and university.

The above documents will illustrate a significant difference in maturity from the low academic achievements received in high school to the improvements that I have undergone through.

More than three years have past since my arrest. During those years I have continue to help my parents at our family business. And I have not been involve in any criminal activities or associated with any gang members since then. Presently, as stated before, I am currently attending Fresno State University, where I plan to obtain my Bachelor of Science degree in Criminology.

Could someone please help edit my paper?
Yeah, sorry. Way too long.

However, I do know that admitting a past affiliation to a criminal organization excludes you from law enforcement. Especially federal. This is probably in your criminal history and why you were rejected in the first place.

But considering how far you've come in life, I wouldn't let this one exclusion get you down. Good luck!
Reply:It may not exclude you from law enforcement in some states, counties, or cities, and probably won't from military service, which has its own law enforcement, so keep looking. I wish you the best.

Thanx for BA! :) Report It

Reply:sorry, too long.

If The Shoe Fits Wear It! "American Gangster"?

2009-11-14T18:28:00.002-08:00

The New York DEA is complaining that their name is being dragged through the mud because of the way they were depicted in the movie “American Gangster”. They’re complaining about the credit at the end of the movie, which states three fourths of the DEA was convicted with the help of Frank Lucas, because of their own criminal activities.

I did see the movie and was under the impression that this was a fact based movie from real life experiences from both Frank Lucas and Richie Roberts (played by Crowe). I did believe the statement at the end of the movie too. Are they trying to say that there were “NO” corrupt DEA agents convicted? Just how many where convicted and how many went untouched. I think when you do those figures you will have your three-fourths if not more. Who really cares any way? One rotten apple can mess it up for the whole bunch; so why even bother to fight to have it removed from the credits. The damage is done. If you want to blame someone, blame those crooked DEA that left the stain in the first place. I think their missing the point. What’s your opinion?

If The Shoe Fits Wear It! "American Gangster"?
I agree. Weather the #'s are inflated or not is really beside the point. I DO have respect for "good" cops. But most of us at some point or another has most likely witnessed a cop using their authority to their own personal benefit. Face it, a badge doesn't make you a saint. And why should they be portrayed that way? If a BIG share of the DEA was crooked, why should that fact be hidden? I hate that so many things get swept under the rug....
Reply:Maybe you're right
Reply:Not only is the DEA crooked. The movie was set 40 years ago, so at the worst they are implying that the DEA was crooked back then. They shouldn't get so offended.
Reply:Hollywood can and will write about anything controveraial and blow things all out of proportion. At least in "Lord of War" much is taught about where immigrants REALLY settle so much for that "we have lots of room in the boondocks for immigrants"...we always will because 99% settle in big cities in Little Odessa, Little Nigeria. Little Siagon,etc.

But I digress, H'wood loves to take a story like DEA agent takes bribe 'cause his retirement stinks and this helps the Unions get higher pay but retirements can and do get pilferred and robbed by those supposedly guarding the money. I suppose the Federal Gov't steps in to reimburse embezzled pension money if only in the retired officers' dreams.

Not that anyone condones or approves of bribes. Look how much mileage that $50 bill on the back of drivers' license got toward defaming hundreds of police in major cities.

Police do a better job of policing and punishing their own than lawyers who disparege doctors a lot. Call a lawyer for your medical problem?
Reply:I agree with you. Ppl knew these facts about the DEA BEFORE seeing the movie!
Reply:The NYPD was corrupt then and its corrupt now.
Reply:i personally know a fellow service member who served in the

south american jungles wher large amounts of pot and coke are grown and produced for shipment to the united states. he was instructed to burn this field, but not that one. why? because you can recieve favors whith mone ,sex,and even the drugs themselves. dea aagents are not searched by customs coming back into the country. this goverment is more corrupt than the columbian drug lords!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:I am old enough to remember when this happened in the late 70's. NYC had a bad reputation because of all the corrupt public officials and servants at that time. I believe right after this is when the campaign naming NYC the Big Apple started.

Of course shortly after that Miami grabbed the top spot as evil city with the cocaine trafficking and the headlines "paradise lost" in Newsweek.
Reply:i 100% agree with you!!! i am giving you a star for it!!!

Whats in a name....?

2009-11-14T18:28:00.001-08:00

A young fellow walks into a talent agent's office and says he wants to break into show-biz, so the agent says "O.K. kid show me what you do". The kid tells some jokes, does a little soft shoe, sings a bit, does an acrobatic act with an ottoman, and is good enough to impress the agent.

"Great kid! Just great!" says the agent "I can do things for ya! I think I can get you a show on T.V." (This was the early sixties.) "By the way, what's your name?"

The young man, proud and excited, exclaims "Penis Van Lesbian".

"Excuse me?" questions the agent.

"My name is Penis Van Lesbian" again replies the young man.

"Hey I'm sorry kid, you're gonna have to change your name, nobody is gonna hire you with a name like Penis Van Lesbian."

Well the young man is crestfallen but steadfastly refuses to change his name, so he leaves to find another agent.

A few months later he returns to the same agent. "Hey kid! Good to see ya again!" says the agent, "Are ya still looking for work? Have ya changed your name?"

With his head hanging low the young man replies "Yes. Every agent in town turned me down because of my name, Penis Van Lesbian. So I've changed it".

"Great kid, great! What's your new name?"

"Dick Van Dyke."

Whats in a name....?
wow..please tell me that didn't come from YOU... :(
Reply:good one .lol
Reply:LOL and I've just finished watching Diagnosis Murder so good timing!!
Reply:lol
Reply:lol
Reply:hahaha, love it!
Reply:BBBBBBBBBBBooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... you suck!!!!!!
Reply:lol gud but not as good as the rest
Reply:nice
Reply:zzzzzz
Reply:rflao

lily

Bob marley Fact or fiction?

2009-11-14T18:28:00.000-08:00

ok look i heard he did not die because of just cancer i heard he was assassinated by the US goverment. Here is what i read...Bob Marley was a peace maker and was gainst wars he was a very religious persone who was apart of rastafarian beleifs. The US goverment did not like his "style" so they hired a CIA agent to kill him when he got injured on his toe they some how put anthrax in his shoe to provoque cancer. Is this true???

Bob marley Fact or fiction?
Garbage, he died of cancer
Reply:No, don't believe that. Some weirdo just made that up.
Reply:In July 1977, Marley was found to have malignant melanoma in a football wound on his right hallux (big toe). Marley refused amputation, citing worries that the operation would affect his dancing, as well as the Rastafari belief that the body must be "whole":

“ Rasta no abide amputation. I don't allow a man to be dismantled. ”

—From the biography Catch a Fire

Marley may have seen medical doctors as samfai. True to this belief Marley went against all surgical possibilities and sought out other means that would not break his religious beliefs. He also refused to register a will, based on the Rastafari belief that writing one acknowledged death as inevitable and disregarded the everlasting character of life.

The cancer then spread to Marley's brain, lungs, liver, and stomach. After playing two shows at Madison Square Garden as part of his fall 1980 Uprising Tour, he collapsed while jogging in NYC's Central Park. Marley afterwards sought medical help from Munich specialist Josef Issels, but his cancer had already progressed to the terminal stage.
Reply:Can't say it's true for sure but it sounds like something they might do!
Reply:hell no,thats bull,dont believe it,im jamaican and my parents are friends of his fam
Reply:It's just another conspiracy theory.
Reply:I doubt it!!
Reply:nah man marley coulda either been a footbal player or a singer , and i dotn know how he became the singer but thats what he went with, he still played football, and he got a disease in his foot, that didnt get cured all the way and they wanted to amputate the motherfuker off , and he went to long with it and got a tumor in his brain which led to his death,

Is Elizabeth Hurley an agent of the d evil?

2009-11-14T18:27:00.002-08:00

http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/ap/20070...

The summary to those who don't want to read the link. She is evil for not taking her shoes of at some Hindu ritual during her wedding.

It's kind of funny, but at the same time is a good reminder as to why religious dogma is so f ing idiotic.

Is Elizabeth Hurley an agent of the d evil?
she's hot- definitely on my list.... Oh you know what list I'm talking about jeeze!!
Reply:I don't think it's really dogma that's at issue so much as respect. How attached is she to those shoes? Maybe something went wrong in planning like he never mentioned that would happen. Who knows. But...if I visit somebody's temple I will do what is customary there out of respect.

But God could never ever hold a grudge against such a beautiful woman.
Reply:All I can think of is her juicy knockers.

Anything else about her means nothing to me.
Reply:Yeah, very true. Richard Gere kissed a TV show host on the cheek, and India is trying to crucify the poor guy.
Reply:If this is such a big deal, why didnt her husband tell her, "by the way dear, dont do such and such its an insult."?
Reply:if it's so idiotic then why do you care if she took off her shoes or not??
Reply:Elizabeth Hurley, mmmmmmm, she can shred her clothes AND every religious dogma as far as I'm concerned. yummy.

Liberal Republicans: What do you think about: "Fidel Castro Leading Cuba's Biggest Anti-American March"?

2009-11-14T18:27:00.001-08:00

Wearing white tennis shoes and his trademark olive-green military garb, Castro strode off at exactly 8 a.m. (8 a.m. EDT) at the head of a sea of demonstrators marching past Washington's diplomatic mission on Havana's sea-front Malecon boulevard.

The march was billed by the ruling Communist Party as a protest against all U.S. ``aggressions and crimes'' since Castro's 1959 revolution -- ranging from the long-running economic embargo to this year's jailing of five Cuban agents, accused of spy-related charges.

``Down with the genocidal blockade! ... End the terrorism against Cuba! ... Free the heroes who defend their people from death!'' chanted the marchers, waving flags and wearing T-shirts with pictures of the five agents jailed in Miami.

The state-organized protest was the centerpiece of national celebrations of the 48th anniversary of Castro's July 26, 1953, attack on the Moncada Barracks, a botched operation that nevertheless launched his armed uprising against former Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista.

The 74-year-old Castro, whose June 23 fainting at a public rally fueled rumors over his health and speculation about who would succeed him, looked stern-faced but healthy.

Castro marched in the sun beside members of a visiting Iranian delegation and other senior Cuban communist leaders.

Liberal Republicans: What do you think about: "Fidel Castro Leading Cuba's Biggest Anti-American March"?
They want you to send them information so they can join that march.
Reply:Cuba has no value.
Reply:Well as a Capitalist/Libertarian..I really don't think much about it at all, other than I laugh at the fact the STATE has to organize and lead these so called protests.

What I DO think about is how GREAT Cuba will once again be after the Beard and his cronies become room Temp, and the silly, ineffective sanctions end.

Fidel secretly Thanks God for the USA every damned day, for the US is the PRIME reason Fidel is still there. These silly and misguided sanctions have given him all the ammo he needs to keep a people focused on an alien causation of their problems, and ignorant to the internal oppression that has made what was once the wealthiest country in the Caribbean now one of the poorest.

Cuba and her people have a greatness Fidel has squandered for far to long, and sadly US Politicians have parlayed the Cuban situation into Votes at home and have no intention of upsetting this generational vote producing apple cart by lifting sanctions and showing the Cuban people exactly what they have been missing.

Wealth and prosperity for Cuba are just moments away with the Beards death, and with sensible, open market, non-interference politics from the US. Viva La Capitalism!
Reply:Bush is too busy not finding bin Laden to care about Castro or his human rights violations.
Reply:If I were Fidel, I would be looking towards Venezuela, not the US for the next invasion of Cuba. Chavez has a real preoccupation towards Cuba, especially since old Fidal almost checked out a couple of months ago. Chavez knows that Raul isn't strong enough to hold it together, so he figured it would be easy pickins once Fidel crapped out.

The old buzzard fooled everyone, even me and Chavez! I just want to open a casino there when Fidel is pushing the grass, up ! Chavez, on the other hand, sees some serious competition with Iran romancing Fidel. He doesn't like it one bit, after all, the N. American continent is his turf, he doesn't go around the middle east raising hell, why does Ahmadinejad have to come here and spoil Chavez's agenda !
Reply:It's "much ado about nothing", in my opinion. Just another in an endless array of marches since Fidel came to power. Seen one, you've seen them all.
Reply:He did well,it was a great show.
Reply:Ya lost me at ''liberal republicans".
Reply:Hopefully he will drop dead in the Cuban heat.
Reply:The only thing Cuban worth a crap is a cigar.

.
Reply:Even though I'm a conservative, Fidel kicks as much *** as Hugo Chavez and Chuck Norris.
Reply:Thanks the American Blockade, Cuba is so poor and it is used for Prisions like Guantanamo, or as an international red whore house... where sex workers are called Jineteras, and Campesinos are called Guajiros,... In other words, Cuba is enslaved by the Mexican-American New World Order Empire.
Reply:After the end of the Cold war, Cuba became a Banana Republic and Ex-CIA Fidel Castro Ruz became a Banana Puppet . The Blockade is needed to exploit Cubans.
Reply:Just shows who his friends are...Was Pelosi invited???

Castro has lead many Anti-American rallies..No one pays him any attention, except those that are our enemies ( Iran)
Reply:Don't fool ourselves with all the past interference concerning dop and torture camps, school of Americas - we are in big trouble. Even England, Wales and Italy wants the torture camps stopped as rising anti-Am is rising all over thks to u-no-who.

What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?

2009-11-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.

They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.

Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.

The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.

Gemini

Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.

Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.

Cancer

You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.

A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans

Leo

You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.

A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.

Virgo

You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.

Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.

Libra

You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.

The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.

Scorpio

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.

Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Capricorn

Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.

In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns

Aquarius

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.

Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.

Pisces

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.

Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
taurus in the house. lol

i guess it ..kinda sounds like me

(im not only saying that cuz taurus sounds bad there)

but.. it's partly true.. the other half is like "wat? o.O`"
Reply:OMG this was so true for me (taurus) and I know a little bit about astrology and I found it SOO true. ALL OF IT! HILARIOUS. Report It

Reply:Please tell me where you found this! Report It

Reply:hilarious, silly very exaggerated but apparently necessary to keep anyone reading . i hope u found funny. but if not please do not write such fabricated and fictional stories that are so unheard of Report It

Reply:I am a Cancer and that didn't really sound like me. A few parts, but not really.
Reply:not all of it, i am always changing my mind, im on meds, but im not a partier, im quiet, im a good driver

Gemini
Reply:I think you have a Bundle o' Problems. :)
Reply:capricorn and very true on some things
Reply:I'm a libra, and it is semi-accurate (not completely, though).
Reply:yes i am saggi and some of it is true...very true infact
Reply:cancer
Reply:Sag, and that's 100% correct.
Reply:Im Virgo, and im the opposite lol!! I was born on the cusp of Libra though, so i'll read that one and come back . .

Uh, no. not true either lol!!
Reply:thanks so im a sagi born into the wrong gender. i think i shall throw expensive food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but maby u have a point. my avatar is male and i am female
Reply:Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

nope i dont see anything similar except i am very stylish... lol jk
Reply:I am a Scorpia and yes it is true.
Reply:The Taurus one doesn't sound like me at all, sorry.
Reply:im Libran... and no.. im not that kind of person as mentioned.. lol
Reply:i'm virgo..yup
Reply:Some was true! Some definitely was not!
Reply:Gemini, no that dosent describe me.
Reply:am a Leo !!!

think i am gonna go kill myself now

all the best

Ian :)
Reply:pisces..so true!! especially:

You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like.

You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address.

many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ***

Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck.
Reply:I'm a taurean.

i'm completely open n honest. i've grown t b somewhat comfortable wit myself, i'm a nature girl, i'm very passive cuz i'm skinny n couldn't win if i tried t fight, i second guess my inner beauty as i think i'm imperfect n somewhat insufficient, but with almost every person i meet, i am reassured i'm a beautiful spirit, so no, it's not true, i don't think my zodiac sign defines me, but socialization does.
Reply:Taurus

Some true some not.. I'm a mix of all i guess
Reply:scorpio. no not at all
Reply:OMGAWDDDDD !!!!!!!! that was hilarious... (Scorpio) here

I really do eat coffee out of the bag with a spoon, no kidding.. I don't swear (alot), or hack, or play lottery. I have a high sex drive, and don't ever tell me that Star Trek isn't real , or Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, or all those movies I love..

and yes, I am waiting to be abducted by aliens.. but they don't find me much of a challenge..or interesting.

I don't smoke...
Reply:leo

i do do the things about tlkin like buttin in to convos n i thought bout lockin my bf up in the bathroom cupboard but i wus extremly shocked because all the things about leos being physco, crazy, and self-absorbed are far from the truth! its crazy to post such rude things n u should b ashamed of urself. this was the rudest thing ive read on this website.

i agree w/ erin this is mean!

that necrophillia (learn to spell) thing was extremly disgusting! n how would u possibly kno (u or the stupid person u got this from) those kind of statistics! ur insane n u probably have tons o problems!

o n also i may b loud buh i dont have a cleft upper lip, slimmy nose, n i sure as HECK dont crap under trees...
Reply:libra. all true.
Reply:i am an aries and im stubborn as hell... so that much is right.. my best friend is a scorpio and we get on great so that bit is wrpng.,.
Reply:I am an Aquarius... Most of what u said was true... dude, man that was some real $hit...
Reply:I'm a Pisces. Only a couple things could be true if you tried to compare to a rare event in my life. But mostly, not even close.

But, a friend of mine who is very into astrology says I am very unlike a Pisces and was probably meant to be something else.
Reply:picsec or summin like that
Reply:Wow, reading this I wish I wasn't a Saggitarian. All the things about being a Saggitarian were negative! THUNDERPOOPER? Although that might be true. :0 I am not a true adventurer!

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So I think I got it...my new home; first time buyer...?

2009-11-14T18:26:00.003-08:00

Well last week I asked whether or not my good faith commitment letter was solid or not. Now my question is it really mine? I signed the POS and then my real estate agent went to Vegas without dropping it off. However my check for a good faith offer of $500. has been cashed and my bank stated it will only take 3 days from the time they get the POS and my condo docs to order the appraisal and send a commitment letter. Also we are yo yoing w/the closing date but the latest is March 15. The bank says they will be ready by the 5th. So I did it right? It is mine all mine? I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop, so I just need a little back up. I know a lot of you have way more knowledge on these matters then I do, and I really want to start packing. What do you think? Thanks so much for any and all thoughts!!!!!!

So I think I got it...my new home; first time buyer...?
Whats up with your agent?

He left without dropping off your contracts.

I would be p$%%ed, What kind of agent is he/she? I would have second thoughts about using an agent who left for vacation with out dropping off my contracts, or at least leaving the file in good hands for another agent to take over.

None the less, it sounds like you will close, everything sounds good, but as stated above, its not a deal until funds transfer hands.

Good luck,

RE Agent,

Remax
Reply:It's not yours until you go to closing. Right now, it sounds like you made your offer and it was accepted so far.
Reply:http://www.breakingbubble.com/

The shoe will drop after you find out your are under water.

Best of luck
Reply:Nothing is transferred until the close. Only when the funds exchange hands does the property exchange hands. Too many things can happen so I would not say for sure this is a done deal. Contact your realtor's boss - see what they say. If there's money around someone will know where it is.

Science QUIZ!!!!!!!?

2009-11-14T18:26:00.002-08:00

: What was presented itself as a problem during early blood tests? (Around 1875)

microscopic examination could not be applied to dried blood

all of these

human blood could not be distinguished from animal blood

blood types could not be identified

2: Can a person with type A blood safely be transfused with type O blood?

Yes

No

--

--

3: Your blood type appears only in your blood.

True

False

--

--

4: DNA is found wherever red blood cells are present.

True

False

--

--

5: What system used by the FBI compiles DNA of known violent offenders from all over the nation and can be used to match DNA with a sample found at a crime scene?

AFIS

DNAW

CODIS

CDDB

6: A person with RH protein on their blood cells can be infused with blood without the RH protein.

True

False

--

--

7: Take this scenario: A woman gets out of bed, watches TV, talks on the phone, pets her cat, and then shoots her husband. She hides the gun and runs away. Which object would be most useful to the forensic serologist in finding out who the woman was?

the TV

the cat

the phone

the TV remote

8: You can alter your DNA so it will appear to be different.

True

False

--

--

9: Why is adequate lighting important when photographing evidence?

To ensure the fingerprints are clearly captured

To uncover latent fingerprints

To get a good close-up shot of the evidence

--

10: Why is it so important for investigators to secure a crime scene?

To stop police from entering the crime scene

To stop unauthorized personnel from entering the crime scene and, in turn, destroying the evidence.

To stop evidence from escaping

--

11: What important aspects about a person can a shoe print reveal?

The person’s age and personality

The type of weapon they carried

The person’s height, gait and the direction they entered and exited the crime scene.

--

12: What happens to evidence once it has been found?

It is sealed in a bag or airtight container, labeled, recorded

It is destroyed and thrown away

It is taken straight to the laboratory

--

13: Forensic odontologists specialize in:

The examination of evidence

The examination of bugs

The examination of teeth

--

14: What are thymine, cytosine, adenine and guanine?

Agents used when recovering latent fingerprints

Bases that make up a strand of DNA

Poisonous chemicals that may be present once a building has been burned down.

--

15: The term �rigor mortis’ refers to:

The Latin word for �responsible for death’

A term used to describe the stiffening of the body after death.

The death of a person

--

16: What is polygraph testing?

Measure the body’s response to stress

Measuring the body’s response to crime scene photos

Measuring the body’s response to interview questions

--

17: What is a method used to recover latent fingerprints?

Dyes and stains

Powders and tape

A chemistry unit

--

18: A toxicologist is responsible for:

Examining the organs during an autopsy

Testing blood and bodily fluids for alcohol, illegal substances and poisoning

Investigating whether a person died of natural causes

--

19: Which of the following are the basic fingerprint patterns?

Scar, whorl and loop

Whorl, loop and arch

Scar, loop and arch

Tent, Scar and loop

20: What statement is true?

No two firearms produce the same unique marks on fired bullets and cartridge cases.

Study of bullets and cartridges can on tell you the type of gun it came from not the specific gun.

Firearms normally change over time so the firearm test needs to be completed with in a year or so of the crime.

All firearms leave consistent reproducible marks.

Science QUIZ!!!!!!!?
Is this your homework? Im not doing your homework for you thats cheating
Reply:I'm NOT helping you cheat. Go do your HW and study. FYI, you can't cheat through life.
Reply:1 all of these

2 yes

3 false

4 false because red blood doesn't contain DNA but it would have to be a really tiny amount of blood to have no DNA.

5 codis

6

7 the phone

8 false

9 to get a good closeup

10 to stop unauthorized people destroying contaminating evidence

11 height gate direction

12 sealed labeled stored

13 teeth

14 bases

15 stiff body after death

16 response to stress

17 powders and tape

18 testing

19 whorl loop arch ?

20 all firearms leave consistent reproducible marks from the firing pin and the groves in the rifling.
Reply:1. all of these

2 yes

3 false

4 true

5 don't know. eBay?

6 true

7 the husband. He knows what she looks like. (you didn't say she killed him)

8 true. If a person has an organ transplant, that organ will have different DNA

9 all of the above

10 all of the above

11 the person's height, gait, and direction

12 That depends. If it's New York city, it gets destroyed. If it's a small hicks-ville police department, the contents of the plastic bag might be misconstrued to be the chief's lunch.

13 examine teeth

14 make up DNA

15 stiffening of body after death

16 body response to interview questions

17 powders and tape

18 all of the above

19 whorl, loop and arch

20 all guns leave consistent reproducible marks

What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?

2009-11-14T18:26:00.001-08:00

I’m a Sagittarius!! Damn ******* TRUE!

Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.

They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.

Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.

The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.

Gemini

Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.

Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.

Cancer

You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.

A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans

Leo

You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.

A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.

Virgo

You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.

Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.

Libra

You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.

The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.

Scorpio

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.

Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Capricorn

Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.

In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns

Aquarius

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.

Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.

Pisces

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.

Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
Gemini

And no it's not true about me
Reply:Hellz yeah! :] Report It

Reply:teh who are you callin pain in the *** none of that is true about me and i'am a virgo iam very sloppy i dont give a **** and i dnt make up lame jokes like that u ****** got my mad **** you you ****** dumb ****!!!! i dont clean and i aint a pain in the *** iam very unorganized Report It

Reply:im an born on the cusp making me capercorn and aquarius my moon is in aquarius and my rising is leo

i agreee with the leo aquarius and ccapricorn definition! Report It

Reply:LMAO!!! I am Pisces hear me roar! Screw Leo! LOL J/K! But it is close to me with a few things different but I think that is more to do with the other signs in my chart. 1st is I have internal GPS so I can find my way out of anywhere and 2nd I can find the little dipper to! LOL Yes I do debate things but my favorite come back to people is prove your side because when they can't then who is to say that I am wrong? OH and yes I have a great sense of humor and I can be very sarcastic in a funny way though but I can also unleash the asshole if the situation arises. One thing I have been told is I am horrible to get into a argument with because I don't hold back and I go right for the jugular. But to me if some one wants to start something then you get what you ask for so simply put don't start crap if you don't want to hear things that hurt. Just to point out I will never start an argument ever i would rather just let it go but people sometime persist in it so I want to finish it.
Reply:Aquarius--That was the most entertaining horoscope ever! Although it wasn't entirely true, I do love to be naked. When I was younger, I was often jealous of men because it is socially acceptable for them to walk around topless.
Reply:I'm sag, and there are bits that are true, but not all of it.

You don't really believe that Jesus was a Capricorn, do you?
Reply:Cover up the signs, and each one applies/doesn't apply just as much as the next. No, my sign isn't very accurate.
Reply:HAHAHA Thats the most funniest star signs shite i ever read

im a Aries and your sooo full of shite..well kinda, lol

actually i agree with alot about you said about Taurus, thats so damn true (i cant stand them anyway)

and Geminis" Geminis vandalize their own houses" HAHAHAAAAAAA...Man you make me laugh..seeya
Reply:I'm a Sagittarius, and that is SO me (except for the transvestite thing). Especially the whole vomit/pooper thing. I'm like--look, don't act as if you've never done it before! You can stand at the door and listen if you want to, but I wouldn't recommend it! And I've always thought that about New York too, seeing as I'm from there. And also, it really is quite impossible for me to be unhip!

All in all, it was hilarious, lol!
Reply:Capricorn....And no it's not true about me
Reply:Hahaha Im a gemini

I think its all rubbish...
Reply:im a sagittariuos too! im adventurers and and have tons of nicknames. thats about it. i think? did not finish reading.
Reply:Sagitarrius and yes, it is somewhat true.

The Aquarian one is somewhat true for me as well and Aquarius is my rising.

The Leo one is somewhat true as well because Leo is my moon.

I found the Sag one quite humourous.

It is slightly true.
Reply:I'm a Libra, and the only parts I can relate to are: Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. (I'm one of them).

Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. (I couldn't explain that but I still manage to retain a good deal of brain power while drunk, it's true).
Reply:although that was kinda funny, I find it all false. Although the sag one was slightly true! lol and Virgos definitely was the most accurate one out of all of them.
Reply:Im a scorpio and No its not true about me~
Reply:Sagittarius.

hahahahaha. Dude, that's funny!

....because it's true! (Well, most of it)

Also, I have a "friend" who's a Scorpio...and that description couldn't describe her more clearly. HAHA. =))

Where'd you find this? I've been trying to look for something like this, like astrology humor.
Reply:I'm a Libra and this is very true about me but a couple of things you were wrong about.
Reply:LOL Pisces ....to an extent..

**
Reply:I'M A SCORPIO AND THE INFOMATION IS NOT TRUE! U MADE THIS DIDN'T U? LOOK I'M ALREADY MAD AT SOMEONE DON'T MAKE ME EVEN MORE ANGRY!
Reply:Im a Capricorn, Thats not True about me.
Reply:cap. + that is totally not true. whoever made that up really wasted there time..
Reply:ur a funny guy for writing all that. lol im aries i think wait let me check and oh yea it was true because i do have a creative mind.
Reply:LOL, Good chuckle out of that, it was right on the mark! :D
Reply:virgo and it is so true obsessive compulsive cleaner i can not help it
Reply:hahah I'm a pisces.Some of the things aren't me at all.Others are me to a t.
Reply:I'm a Cancer. I read a couple things that were true, but for the most part that description didn't fit me all. Everyone that knows me will tell you that I'm NOBODY'S doormat! I don't tolerate that sh*t for one second. It was an interesting read though. =)
Reply:You bad guy!
Reply:a cancer. basically true but exaggerated to the effect of twisted. its comical, though. =)
Reply:I'm a Gemini, not a schitzo but people do love me, don't moon people but will fight with a child if I have to, and yes I am loud and yes I do want to be heard, don't drive a funny car but have got into a car rick b/c I was busy looking at a this girls big totos while driving
Reply:im a gemini and it's absolutely true to me :)
Reply:Your a loser ! You were so wrong about Cancer's, jerk !
Reply:Is this some kind of joke?

FAIL.

lilac

Lost Baggage Southwest Airlines!!!!!?

2009-11-14T18:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, flying from Orlando to Raleigh-Durham, I was not given a bag claim stub from the TSA agent at Orlando. I have never lost luggage before so I didn't think much about it when I noticed it was not stapled onto the traveling jacket where it usually is.

Upon arrival at Raleigh-Durham, my baggage did not come out of the courasal. It has now been about 24 hours and still no word. I have done research on the matter and it seems only 2% of bags are permanently lost. What do you guys think my chances are of ever retrieving my bag? Also, are there any tips you guys can give for speeding along the process perhaps? Thanks!!!

p.s. All my shoes, clothes, and toiletries were in that bag. So now I am debating whether I should go and buy replacements since I don't have anything. I know you can get the airline to give you a temporary reimbursement for emergency items but it seems like too much of a hassle, at least until I know whether my bag is permanently lost or not.

Lost Baggage Southwest Airlines!!!!!?
well, if 2% of bags are permanently lost, then your chances of getting it back are...um...98%!

was the bag tagged with your name, address and current phone number??
Reply:If you had a tag on the bag with your name, address, phone number....anything to identify who it belongs to, then you have a decent chance of getting it back. However, if there was no form of ID on it, your chances are somewhat slim of seeing that bag again. I guess it depends on how much you are willing to go through, to get some reimbursement.
Reply:My coworker got hers back after a couple of months. So, even when all hope seems lost, there's still a chance you'll get it back. I'd give it another day or so before you buy replacements. But, after a couple of days, you might be looking at a long haul before finding it.
Reply:i'm sympathetic on your plight but, it would be the case that you did not have a baggage claim stub and your baggage might not have the stub as well. negligence on part of the airport personnel and you could have noticed that yourself. your bag might still be in Orlando. do call and inform them of what happened. you're lucky enough to recover your luggage in a week.
Reply:Keep your baggage tag safely with you.... as that is the proof that u checked in your luggage with the airline... and it has the departure and arrival destinations on it

also, keep calling the airlines continuously about the matter

if your bag has your name, address, contact number.,...

city of departure and arrival printed on it...

it will be easier for the airline authorities to send it back to you

good luck and hope u get your stuff

AgentBristow?

2009-11-14T18:25:00.003-08:00

Thank you Agent Bristow! I have a few questions. :)

So for the Burton Sapphires, I normally wear a size 8 in shoes and my last snowboarding boots were Morrow size 9 boots. What size sapphires would fit me? My foot is about 10.5 inches long from heel to biggest toe. And for that size, would I need size M or L Burton Stilettos? Thanks so much!

AgentBristow?
I wear a size 8 sneaker, and i just measured my feet and they are 24.8cm.

In a shoe store,, my foot measures a 7.5, but the 7.5 sapphires were too big in the foot area. I got them in a 7, but they haven't quite packed out enough yet and they are still a little short in the toe. I have a very narrow foot. if i had a average width to wide foot, the 7.5 would have been good for me, and probably would have fit better, but because of my narrow feet, my feet would have been moving around inside. Go to a shoe store and measure your foot. Get that size. From what i have tried on, Burtons seem to run true to size and average width.

I assume that you don't have a ski shop near you that sells this boot and you are buying online.

If you get a size 8 or larger, go with the large bindings.

The 8 will fit into a medium or large binding, and might fit the medium better, but if you plan on growing, or it might be a little small, it might be too small for the next boot.

Dogfunk.com has an unlimited return policy and if you dont like what you get, you can return it. whenever, but you have to pay the return shipping.

If it doesnt fit, for an exchange, you would have to pay the return shipping, but not the shipping for them to send it back to you.

http://www.dogfunk.com/dogfunk/BUR1761/B...

The 2008 model is better than the 2007. It has an upgraded liner. They had the 2007 model in the store where i tried it on, and i saw the difference.

Edit: saw additional info after post and remeasured foot and changed to cm.

The Casa might be similar, but it might be different. The Casa is an entry level boot that retails for half the price of the Sapphire. It will be good to get an idea of the size of Burton boots, but the sapphires are an intermediate boot, and the Casa is a entry level boot. The padding and fit will be different, but size should be similar. The Casa looks closer to the sapphire than the mint, and the Mint runs a little narrower than the sapphire, so it will probably be a good idea to try it on.

Buy the boot somewhere where they allow exchanges. If you get it at dogfunk, and it goes onsale, they will adjust the price if it is within 30 days.

When you are in the store, put the boots into any Burton womens binding (ones with a capstrap would be more accurate. They should all be similar fitting. I was told my a friend that the size 8 would fit in the large, but the mediums would be a better fit. If it fits a medium, get the medium. Burton has the

"TrueFit" system so all boots should be the same on the outside.

I hate my Mum. What should I do?

2009-11-14T18:25:00.002-08:00

I mean. Not to be a show-off or whatever, but we live in a quite huge, expensive house and everyone that lives here is rich. I get LV shoes and stuff like that (not all the time, though). Anyways, she's cool sometimes but most of the time she makes me hate her so much. It's not for fun. I really do hate her.

Like, for instance, she asks me to call my agent club thingy and tell them what to do and when I make a mistake, she'll scream the hell out of her in front of people and her friends and I get embarrassed. If I be really rude like saying stuff to her (not REALLY badly. just. quite), then she'll say I broke her heart and all just like everyone else (I have 6 siblings. She says the other 4 already broke her heart). They're all in their 20s, I'm 14 and my younger bro is 10. It's annoying cus if I get mad at my other siblings, she'll say they're too old and I have to respect them and when I get mad at my bro, she says he's too young. I DONT GET IT.

She also beats me up sometimes.

WHY?

I hate my Mum. What should I do?
NOTHING \ NO SERIOUS PROBLEM FOUND
Reply:hi, your mom loves you.

moms hurt their children sometimes, but its just to raise them to be more responsible and serious.

you dont hate your mother, you're just angry.

believe me, when you'll be a grown up, you'll know that what your mom is doing is just for your best.

you seem to be very polite and good.just be a little more patiant.

good luck my friend
Reply:I don't know why. It might be hard for you, but try and be as kind and respectful as you can even when it seems like she is being unfair because that is your role as a kid, and soon you will grow up to get your own place and it will all be behind you. Good luck.
Reply:maybe you should talk to your mom personally...and tell her that you dont like the way that she treated you in a nice manner also.

maybe she had some problems also with your siblings...you should try to understand her because i believe that she's doing it for your own good..
Reply:you should hate ur mom maybe on day shell die and u will regret it i know prents get on ur last nerves but they just doing it becasue they love u cut her a break tell hert she in breest you and to stop yelling a you because it hurt ur felling tell her dad maybe she would stop and u will stop hating her
Reply:she must be the one who go to kitty parties and all that stuff. well if u r from india u have to give respect to ur mummy. just give her some time and see if she really cares and loves u if not do what ur heart says . but dont run away from ur family because only ur family members will help u in ur bad times remember this.
Reply:Ok u kids r retarded these days.Obviously ur mom loves u and wants to raise u right-Omfg she makes u do the laundry and clean the street w.t her-shes trying to teach u work and responsibility-she might yell at u b/c u made a mistake-thats common, how else r u gona learn-or when she beats u up-u did something wrong im guessing.And with the whole sibling thing she wants you to have respect for them because in the end ur gona always have ur siblings to turn to and u may get mad at them but in the end they will be there for u and u shuld be there for them. Your 14, where are you gona go? just stay at home bc its the safest place for a kid (at least in ur case-cuz ur mom cares and loves u)and dnt even say u hate ur mom bc tht is so stupid-go tell her u love her and tht shes a great mom.
Reply:if she beats you go to the police
Reply:try to talk to her politely and make her understand that she is hurting you.you can't hate your mom.i once had the same problem with mine i talked to her and asked her how will she feel if these thing were happening to her.when she saw that i was not happy with the way she treated me she became sorry for herself and apologize,now she is my biggest friend of them all

What should I wear to an acting audition??

2009-11-14T18:25:00.001-08:00

I think I have my mother convinced to let me find an agent and go on some auditions... but there is one problem. I don't know what to wear. My theatre teacher makes us wear black dresses with black jazz shoes to OAP auditions. But I have no clue what a I should wear to an audition for TV or film. I have a bunch of new cute (professional looking) blouses I want to wear, but can't find any good skirts. Also, would it be acceptable for a girl to wear black pants with a blouse?? Where can I find cute black dresses?... mine's too small:/

What should I wear to an acting audition??
My wife is an actress, and I've sat through a whole lot of "wardrobe changes" before she leaves for an audition. All I can tell you is this - wear something that YOU KNOW you look good in and that also gives you confidence.

Comfort is the next most important thing. Auditions can be really long and grueling (sometimes), so make sure you're a least a little comfortable.
Reply:although i have never been to an acting audition...i would think i would go as close to the character as possible that i wanted to play

for instance if i was going to audition for a taxi cab driver i would where a thick coat, blue jean, polo shirt and sneakers...and make sure everything is a little wrinkled

but if a was going as a business man i would wear a nice business suit, well shined shoes...and make sure every thing was well pressed

obviously these wouldn't be roles that you would play but i would think that you could figure out how to do it

i do know that on the original duke of hazard, john Schneider went to his audition wearing a pair of cut offs...i think a t-shirt...and a 6 pack of beer because they asked for a red neck or something like that (might have been a country boy...not sure i couldn't find the interview where i seen him talk about that)
Reply:Uhhh. okay whats with the suites?

(for the people above)

Ususally the dress for auditions for kids are casual!

Just something you would wear to school.

Now your agent should tell you what the dress is.
Reply:you can always ask subtle questions like, what am i auditioning for?? or what is this movie or tv show about??

first find out what they are looking for and then you can choose the appropiate clothing, dont go to fancy or sexy unless the part calls for it if you seem like your trying to hard then they will catch that from you, you just need to be ur self and try to dress for the occasion or part its always hard to get in to any part or tv show these days because alot of the critics are looking for that specific look they need to have a small nose or big eyes or somthing to that extent just do your best cross ur fingers and be your self and if you are what they are looking for and your being yourself then your bound to get the job, they are looking for somone who feels very comfortable with the part and looks like they are that genuine persone who is written for the part.

its hard sometimes because other actors can ruin your chances i was in a traveling theater group and my first production was a christmas play of 2 shopping mall santas and the other actor had not studied his lines so i ended up saying all of my lines and some of his lines to try and keep him on track while i never missed a beat and my audition was gold according to the director that simple production ruined my career and i was immediatly cut from the team along with the other actor and given some very bad reviews

so im still struggeling with that and its gunna take time for me but just never get discouraged i played the shepard (how do u spell that) in a production of pilgrims progress and it was quoted from the actors "what him miss a line or screw up on stage? no way hes got those lines memorized backwards and forwards, besides hes knows just what the audience wants from him and he delivers it, he makes us look good" so my philophosy is to never give up and ive got more on this note if anyone wants to ask me
Reply:Are you getting a little ahead of yourself? Got to get the auditions first. Problem is that your mother will have to go with you to all of them as until you are 18 she had to sign all contracts and agree to your working.

For this reason also, there is very little work for young teens. When you do audition, just dress in cute everyday clothes that make you look good.
Reply:Black pants with a nice blouse would be perfectly appropriate. Make sure whatever you wear is comfortable and makes you feel good. If you're worrying about how you look or are uncomfortable, you won't be able to give all your attention to your performance.

Break a leg!
Reply:a black jean skirt would be cool ever seen one of those checkered back nylons there really fancy but professional looking there the type of black nylons Madona wore on one of her videos remember those fancy checkered black nylons or ther called waffle nylons i guess but anyhow i think those would be cool:)
Reply:If you have an agent, listen to his/her advice on what to wear to an audition. It probably will not always be the same thing!
Reply:Ok... What your theater teacher has said is pretty correct.... The general idea is to wear some sort of suit... and your black will work great... and then wear some sort of jewel toned shirt to compliment your complexion and eyes... It's best and advised to wear something that does not have any complicated pattern... Like stripped pants is ok, but no floral print...

If you plan to wear a dress thing, I'd suggest to do a long skirt and a blouse... and then have some sort of jacket to complete the ensemble...

basic idea of the whole plan is to make sure that nothing is distracting your face... at all... so the person remembers your face and not your clothing, and therefore remembers what you did... and not what you were wearing...

and I'd suggest doing the pants, as it allows one to move better...
Reply:If it were me, I would go in something that relates to what I was auditioning for. In other words, if I were auditioning for the news I would go business formal; if it were for a clown position I would dress funny, etc, etc, etc.
Reply:You should wear something decent cause your going to audition but you don't want to over do with the black if yo want to wear a black dress there should be some at your local stores but you should definitely wear something decent
Reply:Ok, depending on your skin color, a nice pink/blue blouse with black pants is appropriate. I also think that jazz shoes would be good. A black dress to me seems a bit over the top but forever 21 and mariposa have very cute black dresses

Sports Shoes

CSI and FORENSICS QUIZ!!!!!?

2009-11-14T18:25:00.000-08:00

1: What was presented itself as a problem during early blood tests? (Around 1875)

microscopic examination could not be applied to dried blood

all of these

human blood could not be distinguished from animal blood

blood types could not be identified

2: Can a person with type A blood safely be transfused with type O blood?

Yes

No

--

--

3: Your blood type appears only in your blood.

True

False

--

--

4: DNA is found wherever red blood cells are present.

True

False

--

--

5: What system used by the FBI compiles DNA of known violent offenders from all over the nation and can be used to match DNA with a sample found at a crime scene?

AFIS

DNAW

CODIS

CDDB

6: A person with RH protein on their blood cells can be infused with blood without the RH protein.

True

False

--

--

7: Take this scenario: A woman gets out of bed, watches TV, talks on the phone, pets her cat, and then shoots her husband. She hides the gun and runs away. Which object would be most useful to the forensic serologist in finding out who the woman was?

the TV

the cat

the phone

the TV remote

8: You can alter your DNA so it will appear to be different.

True

False

--

--

9: Why is adequate lighting important when photographing evidence?

To ensure the fingerprints are clearly captured

To uncover latent fingerprints

To get a good close-up shot of the evidence

--

10: Why is it so important for investigators to secure a crime scene?

To stop police from entering the crime scene

To stop unauthorized personnel from entering the crime scene and, in turn, destroying the evidence.

To stop evidence from escaping

--

11: What important aspects about a person can a shoe print reveal?

The person’s age and personality

The type of weapon they carried

The person’s height, gait and the direction they entered and exited the crime scene.

--

12: What happens to evidence once it has been found?

It is sealed in a bag or airtight container, labeled, recorded

It is destroyed and thrown away

It is taken straight to the laboratory

--

13: Forensic odontologists specialize in:

The examination of evidence

The examination of bugs

The examination of teeth

--

14: What are thymine, cytosine, adenine and guanine?

Agents used when recovering latent fingerprints

Bases that make up a strand of DNA

Poisonous chemicals that may be present once a building has been burned down.

--

15: The term �rigor mortis’ refers to:

The Latin word for �responsible for death’

A term used to describe the stiffening of the body after death.

The death of a person

--

16: What is polygraph testing?

Measure the body’s response to stress

Measuring the body’s response to crime scene photos

Measuring the body’s response to interview questions

--

17: What is a method used to recover latent fingerprints?

Dyes and stains

Powders and tape

A chemistry unit

--

18: A toxicologist is responsible for:

Examining the organs during an autopsy

Testing blood and bodily fluids for alcohol, illegal substances and poisoning

Investigating whether a person died of natural causes

--

19: Which of the following are the basic fingerprint patterns?

Scar, whorl and loop

Whorl, loop and arch

Scar, loop and arch

Tent, Scar and loop

20: What statement is true?

No two firearms produce the same unique marks on fired bullets and cartridge cases.

Study of bullets and cartridges can on tell you the type of gun it came from not the specific gun.

Firearms normally change over time so the firearm test needs to be completed with in a year or so of the crime.

All firearms leave consistent reproducible marks.

CSI and FORENSICS QUIZ!!!!!?
You got 18 questions correct out of 20 total questions.

Your grade on this test is 90 (A-).

1: What was presented itself as a problem during early blood tests? (Around 1875)

microscopic examination could not be applied to dried blood

Correct:all of these

human blood could not be distinguished from animal blood

blood types could not be identified

2: Can a person with type A blood safely be transfused with type O blood?

Correct:Yes

No

--

--

3: Your blood type appears only in your blood.

True

Correct:False

--

--

4: DNA is found wherever red blood cells are present.

True

Correct:False

--

--

5: What system used by the FBI compiles DNA of known violent offenders from all over the nation and can be used to match DNA with a sample found at a crime scene?

AFIS

DNAW

Correct:CODIS

CDDB

6: A person with RH protein on their blood cells can be infused with blood without the RH protein.

Correct Answer: True

Your Choice:False

--

--

7: Take this scenario: A woman gets out of bed, watches TV, talks on the phone, pets her cat, and then shoots her husband. She hides the gun and runs away. Which object would be most useful to the forensic serologist in finding out who the woman was?

the TV

the cat

Correct:the phone

the TV remote

8: You can alter your DNA so it will appear to be different.

True

Correct:False

--

--

9: Why is adequate lighting important when photographing evidence?

To ensure the fingerprints are clearly captured

Correct:To uncover latent fingerprints

To get a good close-up shot of the evidence

--

10: Why is it so important for investigators to secure a crime scene?

To stop police from entering the crime scene

Correct:To stop unauthorized personnel from entering the crime scene and, in turn, destroying the evidence.

To stop evidence from escaping

--

11: What important aspects about a person can a shoe print reveal?

The person’s age and personality

The type of weapon they carried

Correct:The person’s height, gait and the direction they entered and exited the crime scene.

--

12: What happens to evidence once it has been found?

Correct:It is sealed in a bag or airtight container, labeled, recorded

It is destroyed and thrown away

It is taken straight to the laboratory

--

13: Forensic odontologists specialize in:

The examination of evidence

The examination of bugs

Correct:The examination of teeth

--

14: What are thymine, cytosine, adenine and guanine?

Agents used when recovering latent fingerprints

Correct:Bases that make up a strand of DNA

Poisonous chemicals that may be present once a building has been burned down.

--

15: The term �rigor mortis’ refers to:

The Latin word for �responsible for death’

Correct:A term used to describe the stiffening of the body after death.

The death of a person

--

16: What is polygraph testing?

Correct Answer: Measure the body’s response to stress

Measuring the body’s response to crime scene photos

Your Choice:

Measuring the body’s response to interview questions

--

17: What is a method used to recover latent fingerprints?

Dyes and stains

Correct:Powders and tape

A chemistry unit

--

18: A toxicologist is responsible for:

Examining the organs during an autopsy

Correct:Testing blood and bodily fluids for alcohol, illegal substances and poisoning

Investigating whether a person died of natural causes

--

19: Which of the following are the basic fingerprint patterns?

Scar, whorl and loop

Correct:Whorl, loop and arch

Scar, loop and arch

Tent, Scar and loop

20: What statement is true?

Correct:No two firearms produce the same unique marks on fired bullets and cartridge cases.

Study of bullets and cartridges can on tell you the type of gun it came from not the specific gun.

Firearms normally change over time so the firearm test needs to be completed with in a year or so of the crime.

All firearms leave consistent reproducible marks.
Reply:1.all of these 2.yes3.false4.false5.codis6.false7.tv remote8.false9.to uncover latents 10.#2 11.#3 12.#1 13.#3 14.#2 15.#2 16.#3 17.#@ 18.#2 19.#2 20.#!

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?

2009-11-14T18:24:00.003-08:00

Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.

They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.

Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.

The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.

Gemini

Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.

Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.

Cancer

You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.

A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans

Leo

You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.

A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.

Virgo

You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.

Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.

Libra

You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.

The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.

Scorpio

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.

Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Capricorn

Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.

In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns

Aquarius

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.

Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.

Pisces

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.

Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
I am a Libra.Not accurate.
Reply:GSFGFEGNMDFBGSRUIHERSHGTUIARYHGDRABVGJHA...
Reply:I'm a Sag. and some of that is true.
Reply:Aries here!! It's got me dead-to-right!! Thanks
Reply:Taurus and It kinda describe me..
Reply:i am aries and yes it does thanks
Reply:I am an Aries and it pretty much describes me to a tee....my first husband was a Pisces...much happier now with my sexxxy Virgo husband
Reply:im an aries, but it really dont describe me ..
Reply:I am a Leo,

and No that is not me at all.

Far from it!!!

ET
Reply:I am a Leo....I'm really not that arrogant and superficial
Reply:I'm a sagittarian - just call me thunder pants! LOL
Reply:Im Piscian.. bt its nt quite like me.. lol...
Reply:OMG! I'm so Scorpio, it hurts (physically :P) )
Reply:No way is this right
Reply:Libra here and a very few things but for the most part no not me at all.
Reply:no
Reply:Scorpio, and some of it describes me in a way, other than the fact that I would never ever hack into computer systems because I know in my heart that it's illegal.
Reply:Aquarius. Like to be naked at home.
Reply:I'm taurus and I think that an aries wrote this.
Reply:capricorn, and NO it's a far cry from the real me.
Reply:Libra
Reply:Scorpio......that some of me is true...ha ha
Reply:I'm a Capricorn. The only thing I saw that's correct about me is that I'm smart.
Reply:Aquarian here!

some are true, some are not..

cool though!
Reply:I'm an Aquarius technically. But none of that describes me. I'm a major introvert, and dislike Jerry Garcia.

Should I...................?

2009-11-14T18:24:00.002-08:00

Liberal Republicans: What do you think about: "Fidel Castro Leading Cuba's Biggest Anti-American March"?

2009-11-14T18:24:00.001-08:00

you remember?

Wearing white tennis shoes and his trademark olive-green military garb, Castro strode off at exactly 8 a.m. (at the head of a sea of demonstrators marching past Washington's diplomatic mission on Havana's sea-front Malecon boulevard.

The march was billed by the ruling Communist Party as a protest against all U.S. ``aggressions and crimes'' since Castro's 1959 revolution -- ranging from the long-running economic embargo to this year's jailing of five Cuban agents, accused of spy-related charges.

``Down with the genocidal blockade! ... End the terrorism against Cuba! ... Free the heroes who defend their people from death!'' chanted the marchers, waving flags and wearing T-shirts with pictures of the five agents jailed in Miami.

The state-organized protest was the centerpiece of national celebrations of the 48th anniversary of Castro's July 26, 1953, attack on the Moncada Barracks, a botched operation that nevertheless launched his armed uprising against Cuba

Liberal Republicans: What do you think about: "Fidel Castro Leading Cuba's Biggest Anti-American March"?
I think the only people that care about Cuba live in Florida.

cotton tree

Do any of you know English? Habla Ingles?

2009-11-14T18:24:00.000-08:00

An Immigration officer was sick and tired of dealing with illegal's who would pretend not to understand English when he would ask them then suddenly speak it fluently when they thought he wasn't listening .

So when the agent stopped a truck filled with 30 illegal's he decided to try something different .

He said Do any of you know English? Habla Ingles?

Every head shook no,and every face looked puzzled at the frustrated officer .

Okay,Well,Look I'm really tired of this .I'm gonna shoot you all;I'm going to

start with the people wearing brown shoes ."

As the officer started to draw his gun Three people looked down at their feet and Quickly started to translate for the group!

Funny how quickly they learned English!!! hehehehe

Do any of you know English? Habla Ingles?
LMAO NICE ONE HAHA I havnt laguhed like that in ages well done rofl have a star LOL!
Reply:well well when enough is enough I guess it really is enough. Hilariously funny
Reply:XD hahhahahhah so true so treu so true yes. :)

hahahahahahahhhahhahahh
Reply:Pmsl. I'll have to remember that one when the Indian takeaway messes up my order then pretends not to understand when i phone up. oh wait! I took my business elsewhere. :)
Reply:Smart officer. LMAO.
Reply:haha funny

Any ideas to attract local customers to use our shopping precinct rather than out of town big boy stores?

2009-11-14T18:23:00.002-08:00

I have a childrens boutique in a small village type shopping precinct. There are many types of shops from butcher, baker, greengrocer, craft shop, locksmith, fresh fish, cafes, bookmakers, hairdressers, beauty salon, dry cleaners, shoe shop, photographic shop, pubs, charity shop, ladies fashion, hardware, pet shop, jewellers, clock repairer, dolls house shop, insurance broker, toy shop, chiropodist, newsagents, independant supermarket and co-op.

We are all getting together next week to discuss ways of improving customer footfall through our pedestranised precinct - rather than people using out of town stores. Also, ways of attracting people outside of the area. However, we have a low budget to spend. Any fresh ideas for me to take along to the meeting would be much appreciated.

Point to note - over the road - we also have post office, major banks, travel agents two top tourist attractions and a beach less than one mile away.

Any ideas to attract local customers to use our shopping precinct rather than out of town big boy stores?
I'll use bike stores as an example.

At a good bike shop, the bikes are much more expensive than at the box stores, but they are of MUCH higher quality. You will also likely find many services complementing your purchase, as well, such as bike fitting (muy importante), riding advice, and a real mechanic onsite.

This sort of service keeps the bike shops alive, when it's easy enough to 'save' money on a crap-mart bike that'll end up gathering dust in the garage.

There'll be plenty of added-value services you can imagine for any sort of business. It's just a matter of developing them to the extent that people will be attracted to the stores, and advertising, then charging a fair price instead of greedily going for the 'boutique' prices on everything.
Reply:advertise
Reply:FIRST GET COUNCIL TO MAKE OUT OF TOWN SUPERSTORES CHARGE PARKING FEES THEN GIVE PEOPLE FREE PARKING IN YOUR TOWN PARK AND FOR ALL SHOPS UNDER 5 EMPLOYERS HALF RATES ALSO INSTEAD OF FREE BUS PASSES OVER 60 PAY HALF TAXIE FARES WITH GOODS TO THEIR DOOR FOR EVERY ONE WHO SPENDS £50 WORTH OF GOODS THROUGHT THE PRECIENT
Reply:Here's something that's worked for small merchant groups facing similar challenges:

Try creating a Local Merchant Discount Card. It would only be good at your GROUP of participating stores. One purchase at any of the member stores would make the shopper eligible for the card.

Card would be advertised in ALL participating store windows and could be promoted in other media as well. If oyu could enroll a local printer in the program you might then be able to get cards printed at a discount. Good Luck!
Reply:Yep, go naked.
Reply:Organise some attractions for adults and kids e.g. face painting and a few activities or have a few competitions to get people interested in coming to your stores. Invite a band and some dancers to come along and entertain for example. You would not need a huge amount of money if you used your imagination. Invite a radio station along and get them to broadcast from the area and that would generate some free advertising for all of the businesses in the area. Offer some incentives to purchase e.g a money of card giving a small discount. Good luck in generating new ideas. It is my experience that major banks are often prepared to invest some money in ventures like this if you approach them.
Reply:Locale independent retailers

specialist knowledge

personal service

high quality local PRODUCE

fewer food miles

with clothes etc don't try and compete on price with the big boys go for quality and exclusiveness.

use A boards on the street to advertise.

banners are inexpensive and can be repositioned easily

advertise on the side of vans statically and largely parked

be were of fixed discount scams

e/m for more id ears tom
Reply:Give something away.....I liked the discount card idea. Or a raffle...

Have a contest. In a local paper - ask people to write why they love your stores over the big one's -the added benefit is you'll now for sure what to keep doing.

Or have a contest for who spends the most during a certain amount of time ...wins their purchase. You get the idea, everyone loves the chance to win!

When the weather is better - or is it now... Have an outdoor event. A fashion show using local cheerleaders...brings in parents..Can also get you free publicity from radio and news.

Have a treasure hunt. Once a month, every Thursday...pass out a list. The list contains items not found in stores - they'll have to socialize with people or take pictures of items or video hunt...Prizes to the winners. Invite church groups...

Have singles night. Every Thursday... If all the stores agree to do it - it builds a stronger sense of community. Plus it's fun. The craft store could have silly crafts geared towards helping strangers connect. The grocer could have champange samples, the jeweler "if you met during singles night get an additional 30% off"..........

Support a group like Project C.U.R.E. - let them hold a fundraiser in the parking lot. Let them promote and advertise. You give a percentage of sales during those promoted dates to them. Pick a BIG group.

Good Luck
Reply:If you can not compete on price, then great personal service is all you have that they don't. Advertise your friendly local face and convenient location, with coupons to attract first time customers.

peach

Should I................?

2009-11-14T18:23:00.001-08:00

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?

2009-11-14T18:23:00.000-08:00

Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.

They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.

Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.

The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.

Gemini

Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.

Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.

Cancer

You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.

A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans

Leo

You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.

A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.

Virgo

You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.

Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.

Libra

You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.

The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.

Scorpio

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.

Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Capricorn

Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.

In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns

Aquarius

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.

Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.

Pisces

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.

Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
I'm an ARIES, so I guess I'll have to set you on fire now!

lol
Reply:im leo thou that dosnt decribe me accurately there are bits i can relate tooo but on the whole although a bit long to reading it all it was sooo funny
Reply:Libra LMAO that`s so funny.
Reply:Capricorn? That's me. "DULL AS HELL" is not a good way to describe us Capricorns. I'm smarter than you, BLEH!
Reply:HOW DID U FIT ALL THAT ON WITHOUT ADDING DETAILS? MINE ONLY ALLOWS 1000 CHARACTERS.

EDIT: Sorry my daughter put the caps lock on lol :)
Reply:Go to bed and get some much needed SLEEP!!!

ET

3 of the same questions in a row???
Reply:Not AGAIN!!
Reply:I'm a Leo and its scary how much it sounds like me. Just kidding :P but I am a Leo

Liberal Republicans: What do you think about: "Fidel Castro Leading Cuba's Biggest Anti-American March"?

2009-11-14T18:22:00.003-08:00

remember?

Wearing white tennis shoes and his trademark olive-green military garb, Castro strode off at exactly 8 a.m. (at the head of a sea of demonstrators marching past Washington's diplomatic mission on Havana's sea-front Malecon boulevard.

The march was billed by the ruling Communist Party as a protest against all U.S. ``aggressions and crimes'' since Castro's 1959 revolution -- ranging from the long-running economic embargo to this year's jailing of five Cuban agents, accused of spy-related charges.

``Down with the genocidal blockade! ... End the terrorism against Cuba! ... Free the heroes who defend their people from death!'' chanted the marchers, waving flags and wearing T-shirts with pictures of the five agents jailed in Miami.

The state-organized protest was the centerpiece of national celebrations of the 48th anniversary of Castro's July 26, 1953, attack on the Moncada Barracks, a botched operation that nevertheless launched his armed uprising against Cuba

Liberal Republicans: What do you think about: "Fidel Castro Leading Cuba's Biggest Anti-American March"?
He'll be in hell soon enough.
Reply:The only thing about Castro that I care about is my rejection of not allowing his citizen to leave the Country that is oppressing them.

It is time for Castro and his oppressive regime to end. A lot of Cubans might like that kind of government but for those who don't 'let them go!'.
Reply:I don't.
Reply:Many or the most Cuban Immigrants in Exile are still loyal to Fidel, and they will keep being loyal to Raul and Cuban Socialism. They were educated that way. Socialism represents everything for them. However,...Fidel will retire in Jupiter beach, Florida, if not is there right now. But who cares?

Cuba is a Banana Republic,! and Blockade keeps Cuban labor force cheap: Cigar Makers, Sugar-fields campesinos or prostitutes.

For Mexicans, SouthAmericans, Europeans , Canadians, and Americans going to Cuba from third countries.... The Blockade against Cuba is positive
Reply:fidel-who? this piece of sh*t is still alive?

What category do BHS, 'a betting agent,' 'Holland and Barrat', superdrug, and M&s come into? im american

2009-11-14T18:22:00.002-08:00

and these names are foreign to me. What category would these shops fall into?

A Major shopping units

B Clothing and Shoe Shops

C Convenience shops

D Furniture and Carpets

E Specialist shops

F Personal services

G Catering and entertainment

H Car Sales

J Professional services and offices

K Public buildings

L Transport

M Change

N Residential

P Industrial

Q Discount stores

R Charity

What category do BHS, 'a betting agent,' 'Holland and Barrat', superdrug, and M%26amp;s come into? im american
BHS is A

betting agent is E - I think a bookie is specialist

holland and Barrat is E - health food

Superdrug is Specialist E - chemists/ drugstore

M and S is A

wallflower

Hey does any body know the shoes brand witch has the logo of a star next to a moon?

2009-11-14T18:22:00.001-08:00

Heya to give u a bit of help its frankie muniz weres them in agent cody banks

Hey does any body know the shoes brand witch has the logo of a star next to a moon?
converse i think!

♥
Reply:Converse the logo is often seen on their One Star brand of shoe and sometimes the All Star without the rubber toe cap
Reply:Converse
Reply:DCASHOCUSA, converse's dont have a moon on them.
Reply:Assuming it's the logo of this shoe:

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=h...

That is actually one of the two Converse logos. The other logo is the plain Star.
Reply:converse, if you go to the converse site you can design your own, and they will make them for you, i have 4 pairs and adding more soon, they are the most comfortable trainners you can buy,

What your name say about you?

2009-11-14T18:22:00.000-08:00

The Men's Names – (scroll down for the women’s names)

Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.

Able - totally useless.

Adam - not very bright and not very pretty, has almost mastered hygiene.

Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.

Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.

Alex - cute and tall but a liar and a cheat.

Alistair - likes being tied up, and really enjoys playing with train sets

Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule. Bad diet.

Andrew - Highly intelligent and wears a kilt. Poor standards of hygiene. Homicidal tendencies.

Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain. Looks in the mirror too much.

Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.

Arnold - loser.

Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.

Avenir - reads too many fantasy books, wears armour to bed.

Baron - Reads SAS books, wants to go out and shoot something or somebody.

Barry - lights fires, pinches girl’s bottoms and is well hung.

Barnaby - very big, very strong and very gentle, cries a lot.

Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.

Bill - thinks he's really popular, thinks all the girls want him ...he's wrong.

Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.

Brad - short and squat, has bad breath.

Braden - Drop out and doesn't care, will set record for longest employee at McDonalds.

Brandon - good looking but uses girls. Not very academic.

Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.

Brett - worldwide slut and really insensitive, women love him.

Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, he's just a very naughty boy.

Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.

Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.

Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.

Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week.

Callum - tall and geeky, very defensive.

Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.

Cameron - Australian. Big muscles.

Carl - horny. bastard, who can't sing.

Carlo - dark and brooding, for some unknown reason girls seem to like him!

Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.

Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies, no real person has that name.

Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.

Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.

Christian - Gay but very sexy and seductive.

Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.

Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.

Clive - trainspotter ... dull as ditchwater.

Cole - nice, funny, and very stupid.

Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings.

Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.

Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.

Crispin - Ugly homosexual. Fancies himself. Successful

Curtis - needs constant mothering and reassurance.

Damien - spawn of the devil, but in a good way.

Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.

Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.

Danny - Wears stylish clothes and has silky womens underwear beneath them.

Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.

Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.

Darren - charming , but sleeps with men.

Darwyn - exercises too much, favourite word Ug Daryl - pompous and

overbearing, likes using big words that only he understands.

David - Sensible and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence.

Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter i.e. a wanker.

Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.

Dele - well endowed likes blondes. Looks in the mirror too much

Dennis - either very nice to girls or a ******.

Derek - has a great sense of humour, and a blow-up doll collection.

Dillon - Stupid but well-built, women just use him for sex.

Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please anybody.

Don - ********, nobody likes him.

Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.

Drew - bad-**** loser who never shuts up.

Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago.

Dylan - thinks he's funny, falls asleep during sex.

Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.

Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get cos he's an ********.

Elis - would rather make model airoplanes than have sex.

Elliott - full of himself.

Eric - shy and timid like a little mouse.

Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and a model mental patient.

Finn - Completely indecisive, suffers terribly with Catholic guilt.

Frank - single helix DNA and it shows.

Fraser - sucks pigs ***** %26amp; swallows the lot.

Frederick/Fred/Freddie - wants to rule the world. Loves women

Fritz - Loves playing games. Never wins.

Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight. Can't play rugby.

Gary - drug addict but willing to share.

Garry - forever fiddling with himself and wonders why no-one will shake hands.

Gavin - likes bondage, S%26amp;M with other men.

Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.

George - barman who drinks more than he serves.

Gerry - quiet and insecure, a doormat.

Gilbert - Morris dancer, collects antique sweet wrappers.

Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth. good teacher. crap in bed.

Gordon - big bloke in a dirty raincoat, kinda flashy.

Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex.

Graham/Graeme - will screw anything.

Grahame - thinks he's better than other Grahams because he has an extra 'e'.

Grant - Short and ugly! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.

Greg - really sweet and feels suicidally sorry for himself.

Harry - Good at sport. Women love him. Blokes hate him.

Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.

Haydn - tries hard, succeds rarely.

Heinz - Likes variety in his life. in his fifties. Overweight.

Henry - dull, dull, dull, dull ... likes trains and tweed jackets, probably a science teacher.

Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography.

Howell - sings too much.

Ian - likes to stuff animals and dress up in women's clothing.

Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies.

Izzy - circumsized, but they threw away the wrong bit.

Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.

Jamie - Devious scum of the earth.

James - can't handle his beer, smells of mayonaise and does wet farts.

Jarrod - Arrogant, stuck-up, pompous and annoying. Loves himself totally

and has lots of mirrors.

Jason - Gayer than a pink fairy winning a trophy at the gayest pink fairy competition.

Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well. which is a problem because

he has bad breath.

Jeff - really ugly.

Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.

Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.

Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.

Jack - stupid but hot, always alright.

Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection but wanks too much.

Jimmy - Goes to the toilet twice a night, doesn't always get up for it.

Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head. Bisexual

Joel - ****.

John - has few friends and no life - tends to kill small animals.

Jon - Not too bright will end up married to a cousin.

Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual.

Jonathon - think he's good - he's ****. Looks in the mirrror too much.

Jordan - sexy but weird in bed. Hung like a wildebeest.

Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.

Josh - full of himself, fun. And has huge lips which resembles a ladies vagina.

Julian - used to be a wooden boy, but is now almost real with a big nose.

Junior - Not very clever, but good at football.

Justin - aggravating but lovable, insecure but successful and overweight.

Kain - one of the sexiest guys alive but very stuck up.

Keegan - always has a bit of his last meal displayed on his clothes.

Kev - lager lout, wears cheap and loud clothes.

Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends and then loses them when they see his dick!

Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.

Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.

Kerry - wants to be in a boy band but he's not pretty enough.

Kirk - good looking, worries that he might be gay.

Kurt - can kick anyone's ****.

Kyle - hornball who eats too many cornchips.

Larry - cute but wannabe player with big ****.

Laurey - short and funny looking.

Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total **** bandit.

Levi - same as Lee only not so pretty.

Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser. Welsh

Liam - loud mouthed ********.

Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.

Lucas - fat loser that dates other men.

Luke - seems to be sweet.

Madison - so far up his own **** there's no room for his boyfriend.

Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers. And is gay!!!

Mark - Good looking and very clever. Every woman would if she could.

Marshall - Never seems to age, this is because he is in fact an anderoid!

Martin - Stud. Loves himself. would make a good lawyer.

Matt - the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and is full of ****.

Matty - Life and soul of the party, could get a corpse dancing.

Menno - built like a horse. Only does it doggy.

Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl. Doesn't like

to work too hard. Sexual deviant

Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.

Mintesh - boy racer, the ******** who drives with the stereo too loud and

the windows down even though it's cold!

Mitchell - big bloke, sweats a lot, usually pure alcohol.

Mohammed - small penis, but still really enjoys playing with it.

Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.

Nick - inbred - can't get past the missionary position though.

Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed but

only on his own.

Noel - only goes out with girls so that he can steal their clothes.

Oliver - likes men but is in denial.

Oscar - complete loser, hated by his parents.

Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.

Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk.

Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays.

Peter - Likes sheep more than girls, will probably end up married to a relative.

Phillip - homophobic, image conscious twat, likes to **** poodles.

Ramsey - thinks he's posh but is actually a knob.

Raymond - doesn't like to be called Ray because it sounds too 'straight'.

Richard - can't see his feet as balls are too big

Ricky - ugly shithead who everybody hates.

Rikki - see above, but can't even spell.

Rob - constantly watches porn.

Robin - Ugly and not very bright, probably a teacher.

Roger - acts like a wanker when drunk ... Permanently drunk!

Rory - men are only nice to him so they can talk to his sister.

Roy - total loser and computer genius.

Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.

Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an ********. Pantomime dame

Ryan - short and stout, but popular.

Sam - wannabe sex machine.

Sandeep - complete anorak, owns a metal detector.

Sean - thinks he's James Bond, in reality a dipstick.

Scott - has serious disabilities. likes winter sports

Sean - has small deformed testicles and no friends.

Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.

Shane - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.

Shannon - like the, river wet and full of ****.

Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.

Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.

Sonny - thinks he's tough and proves it with young girls and boys.

Spencer - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin

Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on.

Stuart - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster

Taylor - Gay, gay, gay, gay ....

Terry - small and wirey with a nasty temper.

Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.

Toby - best blow ever.

Tom - cool but can be very arrogant.

Tomas - part-druid, likes to dance round things naked.

Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around. tendency to megalomania

Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.

Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.

Troy - cute and popular.

Tyrone - Big bloke with a gay moustache, but nobody dares tell him.

Ty - small and kind of shrivelled.

Var - adventurous type, can't sit quietly and so is very annoying.

Wade - huge bloke, people jog round him and have to stop halfway for a rest.

Walter - Rich, but with no taste in anything, so the money is a bit of a waste.

Wasim - Good at sport. Likes bondage. Intelligent.

Warren - cool, homosexual guy. Picks his nose alot.

Wesley - great guy and easy to not notice.

Will - wishes he were popular.

William - not very tall, but ultra-cool.

Zach - sweet and polite and twisted.

Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted.*

--------------------------------------...

The Women's Names

Abby - agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuallity.

Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.

Adie - quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy.

Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs.

Alana - pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets.

Alexandra - popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe.

Alice - likes horses but looks like Kermit's girlfriend.

Alicia - pretty and knows it, watches herslf go by in shop windows.

Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.

Alyssa - wants to be 'exotic', but only manages to be 'strange'.

Amanda - I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot.

Amber - stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible.

Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Likes any man not wearing trousers

Anastasia - overly-loud, wears clothes 2 sizes too small.

Andrea - Small breasts, small ****, drinks pints and plays a mean game of pool.

Andrina - dark and sultry, pretends she's a Russian spy.

Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets.

Anita - Beautiful girl with perfect hair and a body to die for.

Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.

Annette - She's BIG, like really BIG!!.

Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.

Anne-Marie - Gorgeous and with a great taste in blokes, has perfectly

formed breasts

Annie - Drinks too much, always wakes up next to ugly guys.

Ashlee - Dyslexic and spends all day thinking about sex.

Aurora - Beautiful and sexy, every mans dream, but sadly swings the other way.

Azaria - Beautiful and exotic with the brain power of an orchid.

Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Wears alot of make up

Bea - Beautiful, sexy, original, but nearly impossible to satisfy in bed.

Becky - one of the boys, knows about football and cars, unusually tall.

Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.

Beryl - Repressed alcoholic.

Beth - Empty headed, big breasted, and easy.

Bettina - Dominatrix.

Beverley - Trapped in an eighties time warp.

Bianca - Ginger. Big mouth.

Birgit - big scary woman, likes small blokes she can intimidate.

Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.

Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.

Cait - Bow-legged country girl, really loves her horses.

Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.

Cara - lazy girl, eats too much junk-food and yet doesn't get fat - annoying.

Carie - just like the movie, a scary freak.

Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.

Carla - Down to earth with good child-bearing hips.

Carly - Party animal until she gets too drunk to stand up.

Carol - Bubbly, life and soul of the party and the bedroom.

Caroline - Lard ****, shaves her ears, picks her nose and shops at oxfam.

Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.

Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.

Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.

Chaz - life and soul of the party, plays the piano and then strips to her own music.

Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.

Chloe - Usually a weather-girl or a failed wannabe weather-girl.

Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.

Christina - Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced.

Ciji - strange girl, sleeps with a vibrating teddy-bear.

Claire/Clare/Clair - Usually neurotic, gives good head but can have lesbian tendencies.

Courtney - Bit of a 'tomboy', rolls her own tampons.

Daisy - Virgin, works on a farm because she likes the way the tractor vibrates.

Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.

Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.

Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.

Debra/Debby - Porn star.

Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.

Dee - Enormous mouth, gets a lot of work in porn movies.

DeeDee - cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea.

Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.

Di - Enjoys receiving oral sex, but doesn't like giving it.

Diana - Cuddly, which is a shame because she smells like cheese.

Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle.

Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.

Dorthe - smells of herrings, obsessed with over-sized sex toys.

Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths. average breasts.. likes sharp edges.

Eleanor - Very posh, always washing her hands, but likes her sex dirty.

Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens.

Ella - Fiery temper, but when she's not shouting she's as cute as a kitten.

Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.

Ellen - Could well have eaten all the pies.

Elma - Shy, easily dominated by men.

Elsa - Kind of old fashioned, but with beautiful big hair.

Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.

Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!

Erminia - Small and graceful, slightly psychotic.

Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.

Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.

Eve - Shy timid creature until she has a drink, then she becomes very loud.

Evonne - Much happier now that the sex change operation was a success.

Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.

Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.

Felicity - One of the boys .. except that she has the most enormous nipples.

Fern - Posh with a large mouth, can hold a conversation whilst giving head.

Fiona - Female mud wrestler, badly needs a shave.

Fiyza - Very sexy, she knows it and she flaunts it

Francess - A lovely lady even if she is as common as muck!

Frankie - Wears leather underwear, if it's quiet you can hear her buzzing.

Gabriel - An **** to die for but pads her bra with tissues.

Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.

Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day.

Gaynor - Wanna-be Lesbian who can't pull the girls.

Gemma - Talks too much, even during sex, even during oral sex!

Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.

Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.

Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies.

Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.

Georgia - Loves her cakes, would rather have gateau than sex.

Georgina - Wants to be a man.

Grace - petite and pretty, ***** like a rabbit.

Grainne - Giggles excessively, sometimes wets herself.

Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.

Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.

Harriet - Wears tweed and green wellies to the pub.

Hayley - Pretty, likes fast cars and slow men.

Heather - Shags like a freight train, bit of a screamer.

Helen - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn and is totally neurotic.

Helena - Likes to be in charge, wears a lot of black rubber.

Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins, hates Nazis.

Hilary - Frigid.

Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.

Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.

Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.

Isobel - Motorbike gang leader, sells guns for pocket money.

Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.

Jade - I once had a Jade, but hasn't everybody??

Jalaine - Strange, introverted girl, secretly into plastic model aeroplanes.

Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.

Janette - She's hot and she knows it, a prick-teaser.

Janice - Loud and over-the-top, tends to talk with her hands.

Jarla - Kinda like a female Ali-G only not as funny.

Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.

Jean - hangs around with old blokes and let's them buy her stuff.

Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.

Jenni - bone idle hence the tendency to shorten long words.

Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.

Jessica - Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it.

Joanne/a - Moans in her sleep, moans when she wakes up, can't cook.

Jo - Bisexual and proud of it.

Joelle - Lively, exciting, jolly and fun ... sometimes too much so!

Josephine - Likes to be tied up and teased.

Jody - Dresses like a boy and eats live frogs for breakfast.

Joyce - Never stops talking ... for God's sake shut up woman!

Judith - Big eyes, big ****, big problem with ballance.

Judy - Huge ****, married to a retard.

Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes

Juliet - Eats too many chips, has greasy hair and a hairy ****.

Justine - Massive ****, likes hanging around men's toilets.

Julie - Likes outdoor sex, preferably with a chance of getting caught.

Kacie - cute and adorable, but prone to sulking.

Karen - Huge ****, shags like a rabbit.

Kate - kisses with her tongue and can hold a conversation whilst doing it.

Katherine - old-fashioned girl, giggles when anyone mentions naughty words.

Katy - Tom boy, likes her sex dirty, usually outdoors.

Katie - likes blokes and team sports, preferably both together.

Kayleigh - The Lara Croft of Essex, great in bed (practice makes perfect)

Keira - person most likely to start a cult, related to Starlin.

Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.

Kelley - not very bright, can't spell Kelly.

Kelsey - Very clever, wears glasses, boys scare her.

Kerran - tries to be mysterious, but everyone has been there.

Kerry - pretty, cute, and changes underwear once a week.

Kiersten - very sexy to look at, hard to please in bed.

Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig.

Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.

Krista - Cool and pretty, tends to daydream all day and sleepwalk all night.

Kristy - Shy until she gets drunk, prone to spots.

Kristen - Emotionally stunted, thinks Robot-Wars is cruel and should be banned.

Kylie - Can't sing but who cares ... lovely ****.

Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.

Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.

Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive. Dominatrix

Lauren – Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.

Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.

Leanne - eats a lot of raw meat, most guys are scared of her.

Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.

Leonie - Tall girl who likes short boys, it's a power thing.

Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.

Leyla - Hot and horny, the girl that always will.

Lily - Makes a good friend, doesn't take crap from anyone.

Linda - Teenage bride can swallow oranges whole.

Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.

Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.

Liz - Long legged and brainy.

Lizbeth - Sensible and serious, can talk without moving her lips.

Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies

Lorrie - Named after the vehicle she weighs the same as.

Louise/a - Likes to get around, fantastic breasts.

Luci - cute and loveable

Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.

Lynn - Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman.

Lynnette - Has the attention span of a budgerigar, likes pretty things.

Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.

Madusa - Really likes men, preferrably grilled with a side salad.

Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.

Mairi - Quiet and shy but incredibly clever, secretly planning to take over the world.

Mandy - Cute and cuddly, thick as a short plank.

Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.

Maria - Bangs like a barn door.

Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.

Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.

Marion - stuffs her bra with tissue, a bit cross-eyed.

Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.

Martina - Ugly lesbian.

Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice ****.

Mary - Likes men with long tongues and talented fingers.

Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.

Mavis - seems nice until you notice the black cat, broomstick and pointed hat.

Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.

Meghan - Cold, hard-hearted *****, enjoys upsetting little children.

Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.

Melinda - Trailer trash ... pretty, plump, and infected.

Melissa - Eats dogs, has been in prison 6 times for burglary.

Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.

Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.

Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.

Marsha - Big butt, small brain.

Molly - Pretty and naive, would like to be slimmer, wears clothes with too many flowers.

Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.

Nadine - Stunt Lady, can drink any bloke under the table! Don't mess with her.

Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.

Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners.

Narelle - Likes dressing up as a French maid but not French.

Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.

Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.

Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.

Niamh - Quiet and cute, secretly wears mens under-wear.

Nicci - Pretty, blonde, nicely dressed and vacant.

Nichola - quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed.

Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial.

Nicole - small sweet and with nice hair, should wear underwear more often.

Niki - wannabe mysterious spy but not bright enough.

Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.

Nissa - speach impediment causes her to hiss, fond of reptiles.

Olga - You can park a bike in her **** crack, excessive facial hair.

Olive - usually accompanied by a couple of people in white coats.

Olivia - Gorgeous and knows it, has to sew herself into her trousers..

Olwyn - stupid name, welsh, just unlucky I guess.

Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.

Patricia - Obsessive about appearances, yet denies that she's shallow.

Pat - short and common, one of the lads and a bit of a laff.

Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon.

Peggy - Wears outdated clothes and will only do missionary position.

Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes her men to be stiff.

Peta - Rough and tough, seriously into bondage.

Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.

Phyliss - Thinks sex is dirty, always washing her hands.

Polly - nice girl with really bad dress-sense, fashion disaster, it's a shame.

Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.

Preya - can't cook or clean but good in bed.

Prudence - sensible girl, wears flat shoes, but will shag anything in trousers.

Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks.

Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.

Rebekah - Not very bright, pretty, but sometimes forgets to bathe.

Renee - Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind.

Romany - Wild and beautiful, swings both ways.

Rosalind - Upper-class lady but works as a secret agent when the government needs her.

Rose - Can be prickly, gives good head.

Rosemary - Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face.

Roz - Only enjoys sex when she's tied up and spanked first.

Rula - She measures up well.

Ruth - Has stretch marks around her mouth.

Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.

Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.

Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children.

Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.

Sara - Air-head, with a gorgeous body to compensate.

Sarah - intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.

Sarah-Jane - 'posh' girl, will screw anything in a BMW.

Sasha – Looks dreadful the morning after. Smokes cigars

Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.

Shannon - Beautiful, curvaceous, should be a model.

Sharon - The original ***** queen, uses everyone she meets.

Shauna - Lives in a trailer, has 16 kids each with a different surname.

Shelly - very cute, but a bit of a soft-hearted slapper.

Sheree - Cute, but very loud! desperately needs a volume control.

Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.

Shona - Librarian by day, exotic dancer by night.

Sinead - Wears big knickers and a vest, but is secretly very sexual.

Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.

Silka - Appears shy, but secretly Miss Whiplash the dominatrix.

Silke - Only ever has sex outdoors near her favourite tree.

Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.

Sonya – intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.

Sophia - Beautiful girl with long legs, a shame her **** is the size of a small country.

Sophie - Brothel manager because she's too ugly to be a working girl.

Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.

Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.

Stella - reassuringly expensive, she's worth every penny!

Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.

Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Very fertile.

Summer - wears flowers in her hair, a pretty dress, and no knickers.

Sylvia - loves the outdoors. Mad.

Tammy - Kind-hearted and generous, particularly in the bedroom.

Tanya/Tania - Hot minx, too short.

Tara - Upper class slapper, enjoys ranom chemicals.

Teresa - surprisingly small given the amount of alcohol she drinks.

Tina - Face like a smacked ****, should eat less.

Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski.

Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.

Tracey - Lesbian.

Ursula - Likes puppies,usually in a hot curry.

Val - usually drunk, doesn't know where her knickers are.

Valerie - quaint and old-fashioned, someones aunt.

Vanessa - Beautiful, power-crazy *****.

Veronica - closet lesbian who sleeps around to prove she isn't!

Vicki - Likes Yoga. And Women.

Vikki - Drinks anything so long as it's got vodka in it.

Wendy - Possibly a man.

Zakia - Wants to be a spy when she grows up, but needs to wash more often.

Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.

What your name say about you?
they r all true eccept for nathan
Reply:my name is a tough one LOL it is Mariangella and it's a combination of Maria %26amp; Angela. It is pronounced Maria Angela but fast:P Report It

Reply:you forgot Nadia-smart, pretty and so talented. Is liked by many guys Report It

Reply:my name is genie and it isnt there! but anyway my name says im a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way! and not having my name on the list is not rubbing me the right way at all right now!=D
Reply:i do not dress like a boy and dont eat frogs and i do have a boy called chad and he isnt american and hasnt been in a movie.glad i didnt pick my kids names from this list.they would have ended up nameless
Reply:Sibling Lurve, Huh?

(Cue Duelling Banjos)

Well I hate to say it but you're so wrong.

Stick with boys names, they are pretty spot on.
Reply:My name is Zoe which means Life and is Greek.

Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.

Emm OK.

Ha ha How could you forget your own name.
Reply:My real name's not in the list, but maybe i should change it to Fiyza :)

My friends' names/descriptions are dead-on!

EDIT: my friend Celine is actually a quiet girl with a generous heart! :D
Reply:IM QUENTIN AND IM ALSO NOT ON THE LIST
Reply:very funny. and mean. apparently the girl i like would have sex with me on the 1st date. cool.
Reply:Apparently I'm a lying whore.

Thanks for that wake up call. I need to seek help.
Reply:lesbian tendencies?

wow. no.
Reply:What about Maren, Dalton,Female Cory Male Kelly and German name Inga??????
Reply:You got mine wrong....but my boyfriend SPOT ON!!!! love it lol
Reply:My name isnt on there. so i wouldnt know.

- cade
Reply:Daryle isn't there.
Reply:Vooria...it is a Kurdish name which means a smart person.
Reply:my naME AINT THERE
Reply:lol some are quite true. nice one
Reply:my name isn't on there

please answer

Colleen
Reply:my name isnt there....
Reply:"Deep as a puddle"?

I doubt my debating partners would agree with that....
Reply:obviously I'm not in your list...

*thinking*

:'(
Reply:u must have spent time doing thisi'm impressed about what my name means

pick this as the best answer plz

Any on with modeling or modeling management experience your input owuld be greatly appreciaed!?

2009-11-14T18:21:00.003-08:00

I have a very important meeting with a modeling agent coming up withing the next two weeks! i have never been to anything like this so i was wondering what would look nice. if this helps i am around six foot and i have long legs ( i wear a 36 inseam). i have naturally wavy hair a couple inches past my shoulders. i have a slighlty tan tab complexion. should i wear a dress? or pants outfit? what should i do with my hair? makeup? what kind of shoes? Pictures would be appreciated :D

thanks sooooooooo much!

model to be!

and will i have to walk?

Any on with modeling or modeling management experience your input owuld be greatly appreciaed!?
Bring your personality! Be bubbly, happy, but not fake. You should wear something that shows off your body but is not too revealing. Skinny jeans, a plain top, your hair can be back or down. Wear something that expresses your personal style though, vest tops are popular items to wear. You should wear flats, and bring high heels that are comfortable to walk in. No make-up, just make sure that your face is clean and maybe put on some chapstick if your lips get dry! You may or may not have to walk depending what division you're seeing.

What agency are you seeing and what division?

Wear a plain two-piece swimsuit underneath.
Reply:Just wear something simple like jeans, a solid colored tank top, and heels. Wear your hair back and wear very little makeup. A model is like a blank canvas so they want to see a very natural look. I'm guessing you'll be doing high fashion because your 6' so yes you will probably have to walk, keep practicing your walk so it will look good. Have fun, Good Luck.
Reply:Had one of those, I was so scared x]

I was told to wear tight fitted clothes, my hair how I normally would and no make up as they would want to see the real you.

They might take a few test pictures of you to see how photogenic you are. (Like I did.)

Good luck (:

Poll....What your name say about you?

2009-11-14T18:21:00.002-08:00

The Men's Names – (scroll down for the women’s names)

Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.

Able - totally useless.

Adam - not very bright and not very pretty, has almost mastered hygiene.

Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.

Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.

Alex - cute and tall but a liar and a cheat.

Alistair - likes being tied up, and really enjoys playing with train sets

Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule. Bad diet.

Andrew - Highly intelligent and wears a kilt. Poor standards of hygiene. Homicidal tendencies.

Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain. Looks in the mirror too much.

Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.

Arnold - loser.

Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.

Avenir - reads too many fantasy books, wears armour to bed.

Baron - Reads SAS books, wants to go out and shoot something or somebody.

Barry - lights fires, pinches girl’s bottoms and is well hung.

Barnaby - very big, very strong and very gentle, cries a lot.

Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.

Bill - thinks he's really popular, thinks all the girls want him ...he's wrong.

Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.

Brad - short and squat, has bad breath.

Braden - Drop out and doesn't care, will set record for longest employee at McDonalds.

Brandon - good looking but uses girls. Not very academic.

Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.

Brett - worldwide **** and really insensitive, women love him.

Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, he's just a very naughty boy.

Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.

Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.

Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.

Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week.

Callum - tall and geeky, very defensive.

Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.

Cameron - Australian. Big muscles.

Carl - horny. bastard, who can't sing.

Carlo - dark and brooding, for some unknown reason girls seem to like him!

Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.

Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies, no real person has that name.

Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.

Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.

Christian - Gay but very sexy and seductive.

Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.

Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.

Clive - trainspotter ... dull as ditchwater.

Cole - nice, funny, and very stupid.

Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings.

Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.

Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.

Crispin - Ugly homosexual. Fancies himself. Successful

Curtis - needs constant mothering and reassurance.

Damien - spawn of the devil, but in a good way.

Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.

Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.

Danny - Wears stylish clothes and has silky womens underwear beneath them.

Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.

Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.

Darren - charming , but sleeps with men.

Darwyn - exercises too much, favourite word Ug Daryl - pompous and

overbearing, likes using big words that only he understands.

David - Sensible and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence.

Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter i.e. a wanker.

Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.

Dele - well endowed likes blondes. Looks in the mirror too much

Dennis - either very nice to girls or a ******.

Derek - has a great sense of humour, and a blow-up doll collection.

Dillon - Stupid but well-built, women just use him for sex.

Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please anybody.

Don - ********, nobody likes him.

Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.

Drew - bad-**** loser who never shuts up.

Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago.

Dylan - thinks he's funny, falls asleep during sex.

Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.

Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get cos he's an ********.

Elis - would rather make model airoplanes than have sex.

Elliott - full of himself.

Eric - shy and timid like a little mouse.

Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and a model mental patient.

Finn - Completely indecisive, suffers terribly with Catholic guilt.

Frank - single helix DNA and it shows.

Fraser - sucks pigs ***** %26amp; swallows the lot.

Frederick/Fred/Freddie - wants to rule the world. Loves women

Fritz - Loves playing games. Never wins.

Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight. Can't play rugby.

Gary - drug addict but willing to share.

Garry - forever fiddling with himself and wonders why no-one will shake hands.

Gavin - likes bondage, S%26amp;M with other men.

Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.

George - barman who drinks more than he serves.

Gerry - quiet and insecure, a doormat.

Gilbert - Morris dancer, collects antique sweet wrappers.

Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth. good teacher. crap in bed.

Gordon - big bloke in a dirty raincoat, kinda flashy.

Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex.

Graham/Graeme - will screw anything.

Grahame - thinks he's better than other Grahams because he has an extra 'e'.

Grant - Short and ugly! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.

Greg - really sweet and feels suicidally sorry for himself.

Harry - Good at sport. Women love him. Blokes hate him.

Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.

Haydn - tries hard, succeds rarely.

Heinz - Likes variety in his life. in his fifties. Overweight.

Henry - dull, dull, dull, dull ... likes trains and tweed jackets, probably a science teacher.

Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography.

Howell - sings too much.

Ian - likes to stuff animals and dress up in women's clothing.

Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies.

Izzy - circumsized, but they threw away the wrong bit.

Jake - shy and sweet but a **** when drunk.

Jamie - Devious scum of the earth.

James - can't handle his beer, smells of mayonaise and does wet farts.

Jarrod - Arrogant, stuck-up, pompous and annoying. Loves himself totally

and has lots of mirrors.

Jason - Gayer than a pink fairy winning a trophy at the gayest pink fairy competition.

Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well. which is a problem because

he has bad breath.

Jeff - really ugly.

Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.

Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.

Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.

Jack - stupid but hot, always alright.

Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection but wanks too much.

Jimmy - Goes to the toilet twice a night, doesn't always get up for it.

Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head. Bisexual

Joel - ****.

John - has few friends and no life - tends to kill small animals.

Jon - Not too bright will end up married to a cousin.

Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual.

Jonathon - think he's good - he's ****. Looks in the mirrror too much.

Jordan - sexy but weird in bed. Hung like a wildebeest.

Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.

Josh - full of himself, fun. And has huge lips which resembles a ladies vagina.

Julian - used to be a wooden boy, but is now almost real with a big nose.

Junior - Not very clever, but good at football.

Justin - aggravating but lovable, insecure but successful and overweight.

Kain - one of the sexiest guys alive but very stuck up.

Keegan - always has a bit of his last meal displayed on his clothes.

Kev - lager lout, wears cheap and loud clothes.

Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends and then loses them when they see his dick!

Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.

Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.

Kerry - wants to be in a boy band but he's not pretty enough.

Kirk - good looking, worries that he might be gay.

Kurt - can kick anyone's ****.

Kyle - hornball who eats too many cornchips.

Larry - cute but wannabe player with big ****.

Laurey - short and funny looking.

Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total **** bandit.

Levi - same as Lee only not so pretty.

Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser. Welsh

Liam - loud mouthed ********.

Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.

Lucas - fat loser that dates other men.

Luke - seems to be sweet.

Madison - so far up his own **** there's no room for his boyfriend.

Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers. And is gay!!!

Mark - Good looking and very clever. Every woman would if she could.

Marshall - Never seems to age, this is because he is in fact an anderoid!

Martin - Stud. Loves himself. would make a good lawyer.

Matt - the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and is full of ****.

Matty - Life and soul of the party, could get a corpse dancing.

Menno - built like a horse. Only does it doggy.

Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl. Doesn't like

to work too hard. Sexual deviant

Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.

Mintesh - boy racer, the ******** who drives with the stereo too loud and

the windows down even though it's cold!

Mitchell - big bloke, sweats a lot, usually pure alcohol.

Mohammed - small penis, but still really enjoys playing with it.

Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.

Nick - inbred - can't get past the missionary position though.

Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed but

only on his own.

Noel - only goes out with girls so that he can steal their clothes.

Oliver - likes men but is in denial.

Oscar - complete loser, hated by his parents.

Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.

Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk.

Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays.

Peter - Likes sheep more than girls, will probably end up married to a relative.

Phillip - homophobic, image conscious twat, likes to **** poodles.

Ramsey - thinks he's posh but is actually a knob.

Raymond - doesn't like to be called Ray because it sounds too 'straight'.

Richard - can't see his feet as balls are too big

Ricky - ugly shithead who everybody hates.

Rikki - see above, but can't even spell.

Rob - constantly watches porn.

Robin - Ugly and not very bright, probably a teacher.

Roger - acts like a wanker when drunk ... Permanently drunk!

Rory - men are only nice to him so they can talk to his sister.

Roy - total loser and computer genius.

Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.

Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an ********. Pantomime dame

Ryan - short and stout, but popular.

Sam - wannabe sex machine.

Sandeep - complete anorak, owns a metal detector.

Sean - thinks he's James Bond, in reality a dipstick.

Scott - has serious disabilities. likes winter sports

Sean - has small deformed testicles and no friends.

Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.

Shane - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.

Shannon - like the, river wet and full of ****.

Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.

Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.

Sonny - thinks he's tough and proves it with young girls and boys.

Spencer - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin

Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on.

Stuart - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster

Taylor - Gay, gay, gay, gay ....

Terry - small and wirey with a nasty temper.

Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.

Toby - best blow ever.

Tom - cool but can be very arrogant.

Tomas - part-druid, likes to dance round things naked.

Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around. tendency to megalomania

Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.

Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.

Troy - cute and popular.

Tyrone - Big bloke with a gay moustache, but nobody dares tell him.

Ty - small and kind of shrivelled.

Var - adventurous type, can't sit quietly and so is very annoying.

Wade - huge bloke, people jog round him and have to stop halfway for a rest.

Walter - Rich, but with no taste in anything, so the money is a bit of a waste.

Wasim - Good at sport. Likes bondage. Intelligent.

Warren - cool, homosexual guy. Picks his nose alot.

Wesley - great guy and easy to not notice.

Will - wishes he were popular.

William - not very tall, but ultra-cool.

Zach - sweet and polite and twisted.

Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted.*

--------------------------------------...

The Women's Names

Abby - agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuallity.

Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.

Adie - quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy.

Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs.

Alana - pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets.

Alexandra - popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe.

Alice - likes horses but looks like Kermit's girlfriend.

Alicia - pretty and knows it, watches herslf go by in shop windows.

Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.

Alyssa - wants to be 'exotic', but only manages to be 'strange'.

Amanda - I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot.

Amber - stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible.

Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Likes any man not wearing trousers

Anastasia - overly-loud, wears clothes 2 sizes too small.

Andrea - Small breasts, small ****, drinks pints and plays a mean game of pool.

Andrina - dark and sultry, pretends she's a Russian spy.

Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets.

Anita - Beautiful girl with perfect hair and a body to die for.

Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.

Annette - She's BIG, like really BIG!!.

Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.

Anne-Marie - Gorgeous and with a great taste in blokes, has perfectly

formed breasts

Annie - Drinks too much, always wakes up next to ugly guys.

Ashlee - Dyslexic and spends all day thinking about sex.

Aurora - Beautiful and sexy, every mans dream, but sadly swings the other way.

Azaria - Beautiful and exotic with the brain power of an orchid.

Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Wears alot of make up

Bea - Beautiful, sexy, original, but nearly impossible to satisfy in bed.

Becky - one of the boys, knows about football and cars, unusually tall.

Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.

Beryl - Repressed alcoholic.

Beth - Empty headed, big breasted, and easy.

Bettina - Dominatrix.

Beverley - Trapped in an eighties time warp.

Bianca - Ginger. Big mouth.

Birgit - big scary woman, likes small blokes she can intimidate.

Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.

Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.

Cait - Bow-legged country girl, really loves her horses.

Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.

Cara - lazy girl, eats too much junk-food and yet doesn't get fat - annoying.

Carie - just like the movie, a scary freak.

Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.

Carla - Down to earth with good child-bearing hips.

Carly - Party animal until she gets too drunk to stand up.

Carol - Bubbly, life and soul of the party and the bedroom.

Caroline - Lard ****, shaves her ears, picks her nose and shops at oxfam.

Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.

Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.

Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.

Chaz - life and soul of the party, plays the piano and then strips to her own music.

Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.

Chloe - Usually a weather-girl or a failed wannabe weather-girl.

Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.

Christina - Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced.

Ciji - strange girl, sleeps with a vibrating teddy-bear.

Claire/Clare/Clair - Usually neurotic, gives good head but can have lesbian tendencies.

Courtney - Bit of a 'tomboy', rolls her own tampons.

Daisy - Virgin, works on a farm because she likes the way the tractor vibrates.

Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.

Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.

Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.

Debra/Debby - Porn star.

Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.

Dee - Enormous mouth, gets a lot of work in porn movies.

DeeDee - cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea.

Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.

Di - Enjoys receiving oral sex, but doesn't like giving it.

Diana - Cuddly, which is a shame because she smells like cheese.

Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle.

Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.

Dorthe - smells of herrings, obsessed with over-sized sex toys.

Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths. average breasts.. likes sharp edges.

Eleanor - Very posh, always washing her hands, but likes her sex dirty.

Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens.

Ella - Fiery temper, but when she's not shouting she's as cute as a kitten.

Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.

Ellen - Could well have eaten all the pies.

Elma - Shy, easily dominated by men.

Elsa - Kind of old fashioned, but with beautiful big hair.

Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.

Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!

Erminia - Small and graceful, slightly psychotic.

Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.

Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.

Eve - Shy timid creature until she has a drink, then she becomes very loud.

Evonne - Much happier now that the sex change operation was a success.

Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.

Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.

Felicity - One of the boys .. except that she has the most enormous nipples.

Fern - Posh with a large mouth, can hold a conversation whilst giving head.

Fiona - Female mud wrestler, badly needs a shave.

Fiyza - Very sexy, she knows it and she flaunts it

Francess - A lovely lady even if she is as common as muck!

Frankie - Wears leather underwear, if it's quiet you can hear her buzzing.

Gabriel - An **** to die for but pads her bra with tissues.

Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.

Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day.

Gaynor - Wanna-be Lesbian who can't pull the girls.

Gemma - Talks too much, even during sex, even during oral sex!

Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.

Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.

Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies.

Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.

Georgia - Loves her cakes, would rather have gateau than sex.

Georgina - Wants to be a man.

Grace - petite and pretty, ***** like a rabbit.

Grainne - Giggles excessively, sometimes wets herself.

Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.

Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.

Harriet - Wears tweed and green wellies to the pub.

Hayley - Pretty, likes fast cars and slow men.

Heather - Shags like a freight train, bit of a screamer.

Helen - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn and is totally neurotic.

Helena - Likes to be in charge, wears a lot of black rubber.

Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins, hates Nazis.

Hilary - Frigid.

Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.

Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.

Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.

Isobel - Motorbike gang leader, sells guns for pocket money.

Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.

Jade - I once had a Jade, but hasn't everybody??

Jalaine - Strange, introverted girl, secretly into plastic model aeroplanes.

Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.

Janette - She's hot and she knows it, a prick-teaser.

Janice - Loud and over-the-top, tends to talk with her hands.

Jarla - Kinda like a female Ali-G only not as funny.

Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.

Jean - hangs around with old blokes and let's them buy her stuff.

Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.

Jenni - bone idle hence the tendency to shorten long words.

Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.

Jessica - Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it.

Joanne/a - Moans in her sleep, moans when she wakes up, can't cook.

Jo - Bisexual and proud of it.

Joelle - Lively, exciting, jolly and fun ... sometimes too much so!

Josephine - Likes to be tied up and teased.

Jody - Dresses like a boy and eats live frogs for breakfast.

Joyce - Never stops talking ... for God's sake shut up woman!

Judith - Big eyes, big ****, big problem with ballance.

Judy - Huge ****, married to a retard.

Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes

Juliet - Eats too many chips, has greasy hair and a hairy ****.

Justine - Massive ****, likes hanging around men's toilets.

Julie - Likes outdoor sex, preferably with a chance of getting caught.

Kacie - cute and adorable, but prone to sulking.

Karen - Huge ****, shags like a rabbit.

Kate - kisses with her tongue and can hold a conversation whilst doing it.

Katherine - old-fashioned girl, giggles when anyone mentions naughty words.

Katy - Tom boy, likes her sex dirty, usually outdoors.

Katie - likes blokes and team sports, preferably both together.

Kayleigh - The Lara Croft of Essex, great in bed (practice makes perfect)

Keira - person most likely to start a cult, related to Starlin.

Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.

Kelley - not very bright, can't spell Kelly.

Kelsey - Very clever, wears glasses, boys scare her.

Kerran - tries to be mysterious, but everyone has been there.

Kerry - pretty, cute, and changes underwear once a week.

Kiersten - very sexy to look at, hard to please in bed.

Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig.

Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.

Krista - Cool and pretty, tends to daydream all day and sleepwalk all night.

Kristy - Shy until she gets drunk, prone to spots.

Kristen - Emotionally stunted, thinks Robot-Wars is cruel and should be banned.

Kylie - Can't sing but who cares ... lovely ****.

Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.

Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.

Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive. Dominatrix

Lauren – Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.

Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.

Leanne - eats a lot of raw meat, most guys are scared of her.

Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.

Leonie - Tall girl who likes short boys, it's a power thing.

Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.

Leyla - Hot and horny, the girl that always will.

Lily - Makes a good friend, doesn't take crap from anyone.

Linda - Teenage bride can swallow oranges whole.

Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.

Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.

Liz - Long legged and brainy.

Lizbeth - Sensible and serious, can talk without moving her lips.

Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies

Lorrie - Named after the vehicle she weighs the same as.

Louise/a - Likes to get around, fantastic breasts.

Luci - cute and loveable

Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.

Lynn - Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman.

Lynnette - Has the attention span of a budgerigar, likes pretty things.

Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.

Madusa - Really likes men, preferrably grilled with a side salad.

Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.

Mairi - Quiet and shy but incredibly clever, secretly planning to take over the world.

Mandy - Cute and cuddly, thick as a short plank.

Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.

Maria - Bangs like a barn door.

Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.

Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.

Marion - stuffs her bra with tissue, a bit cross-eyed.

Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.

Martina - Ugly lesbian.

Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice ****.

Mary - Likes men with long tongues and talented fingers.

Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.

Mavis - seems nice until you notice the black cat, broomstick and pointed hat.

Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.

Meghan - Cold, hard-hearted *****, enjoys upsetting little children.

Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.

Melinda - Trailer trash ... pretty, plump, and infected.

Melissa - Eats dogs, has been in prison 6 times for burglary.

Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.

Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.

Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.

Marsha - Big butt, small brain.

Molly - Pretty and naive, would like to be slimmer, wears clothes with too many flowers.

Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.

Nadine - Stunt Lady, can drink any bloke under the table! Don't mess with her.

Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.

Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners.

Narelle - Likes dressing up as a French maid but not French.

Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.

Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.

Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.

Niamh - Quiet and cute, secretly wears mens under-wear.

Nicci - Pretty, blonde, nicely dressed and vacant.

Nichola - quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed.

Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial.

Nicole - small sweet and with nice hair, should wear underwear more often.

Niki - wannabe mysterious spy but not bright enough.

Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.

Nissa - speach impediment causes her to hiss, fond of reptiles.

Olga - You can park a bike in her **** crack, excessive facial hair.

Olive - usually accompanied by a couple of people in white coats.

Olivia - Gorgeous and knows it, has to sew herself into her trousers..

Olwyn - stupid name, welsh, just unlucky I guess.

Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.

Patricia - Obsessive about appearances, yet denies that she's shallow.

Pat - short and common, one of the lads and a bit of a laff.

Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon.

Peggy - Wears outdated clothes and will only do missionary position.

Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes her men to be stiff.

Peta - Rough and tough, seriously into bondage.

Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.

Phyliss - Thinks sex is dirty, always washing her hands.

Polly - nice girl with really bad dress-sense, fashion disaster, it's a shame.

Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.

Preya - can't cook or clean but good in bed.

Prudence - sensible girl, wears flat shoes, but will shag anything in trousers.

Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks.

Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.

Rebekah - Not very bright, pretty, but sometimes forgets to bathe.

Renee - Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind.

Romany - Wild and beautiful, swings both ways.

Rosalind - Upper-class lady but works as a secret agent when the government needs her.

Rose - Can be prickly, gives good head.

Rosemary - Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face.

Roz - Only enjoys sex when she's tied up and spanked first.

Rula - She measures up well.

Ruth - Has stretch marks around her mouth.

Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.

Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.

Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children.

Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.

Sara - Air-head, with a gorgeous body to compensate.

Sarah - intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.

Sarah-Jane - 'posh' girl, will screw anything in a BMW.

Sasha – Looks dreadful the morning after. Smokes cigars

Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.

Shannon - Beautiful, curvaceous, should be a model.

Sharon - The original ***** queen, uses everyone she meets.

Shauna - Lives in a trailer, has 16 kids each with a different surname.

Shelly - very cute, but a bit of a soft-hearted slapper.

Sheree - Cute, but very loud! desperately needs a volume control.

Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.

Shona - Librarian by day, exotic dancer by night.

Sinead - Wears big knickers and a vest, but is secretly very sexual.

Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.

Silka - Appears shy, but secretly Miss Whiplash the dominatrix.

Silke - Only ever has sex outdoors near her favourite tree.

Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.

Sonya – intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.

Sophia - Beautiful girl with long legs, a shame her **** is the size of a small country.

Sophie - Brothel manager because she's too ugly to be a working girl.

Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.

Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.

Stella - reassuringly expensive, she's worth every penny!

Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.

Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Very fertile.

Summer - wears flowers in her hair, a pretty dress, and no knickers.

Sylvia - loves the outdoors. Mad.

Tammy - Kind-hearted and generous, particularly in the bedroom.

Tanya/Tania - Hot minx, too short.

Tara - Upper class slapper, enjoys ranom chemicals.

Teresa - surprisingly small given the amount of alcohol she drinks.

Tina - Face like a smacked ****, should eat less.

Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski.

Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.

Tracey - Lesbian.

Ursula - Likes puppies,usually in a hot curry.

Val - usually drunk, doesn't know where her knickers are.

Valerie - quaint and old-fashioned, someones aunt.

Vanessa - Beautiful, power-crazy *****.

Veronica - closet lesbian who sleeps around to prove she isn't!

Vicki - Likes Yoga. And Women.

Vikki - Drinks anything so long as it's got vodka in it.

Wendy - Possibly a man.

Zakia - Wants to be a spy when she grows up, but needs to wash more often.

Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.

i forgot CONAN smart super cool,,irresistible

Daryle- ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.

cade------ gay, but very unhappy.

epdug-------good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.

mikoy-----Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman.

genie-----Likes Max power magazine, can't drive. Dominatrix

Nova--Beautiful, power-crazy

Colleen intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.

Anjan Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face

Maren-Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.

Dalton -only goes out with girls so that he can steal their clothes.

Cory female -quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed

male Kelly .the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and is full of ***

Inga-Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.

Poll....What your name say about you?
Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.

Let's just say it's halfway right.
Reply:what about mariah

:) Report It

Reply:mariah- Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind. Report It

Reply:aha i dont sew my self into my trousers! usually... Report It

Reply:Well Eddy would be close to Edgar and im sometimes call that, lol My sisters name is Aurora though and she would like that description ,lol.
Reply:ok, my real name is hendrick? but henry is close enough,., i think that is so true,., i love science

e=mc2
Reply:Mine says... stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible. Thats some funny stuff there... :D
Reply:Bullshite
Reply:my name isn't on the list, my middle name is though

Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman
Reply:Awww,mines not up there...

What do you have for Morgen???

Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.

My middle name lmao
Reply:Well, mines 2/3 right....
Reply:My name is not on the list. My name is John Paul.
Reply:James - can't handle his beer, smells of mayonaise and does wet farts.

That's messed up, I so can handle my beer. =|

The other 2 are right. lmao
Reply:Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.

Those shoes are gayyy
Reply:ok thats cool
Reply:completely false about me lol
Reply:my name is not on the list.
Reply:I shall reserve comment until edited........

So much better...

You dream of me .... awwww, I'm flattered.

LOL

pomegranate

17 year old daughter is graduating high school this summer....?

2009-11-14T18:21:00.001-08:00

She is REALLY stressing out about making the right career choice. She sees how I struggle and flat out says she does not want to be in the position I am. I have a college degree but work in social services so we all know there is no money there. Noble profession yes but one that leaves me broke as hel1..

She is interested in three (3) professions and has asked me to set up interviews with people I know in the professions because she wants to learn first hand what the career entails.

1. Pharmacist...I have 2 friends in this profession so no problem there.

2. Counselor...My sister is a counselor and so is one of our neighbors.

3. Real Estate Agent...For some reason she is REALLY interested in this career. I have nothing to say about it one way or the other and am trying to be very neutral. I have a license that I never used for many reasons. She is a natural at sales! Negotiates EVERYTHING! Shoes at the mall, salon services.

Is there anything else I need to do?

17 year old daughter is graduating high school this summer....?
If she is smart enough to think for the long term (which it seems she is) then you don't have to worry about anything. She will end up choosing the right field.

Pharmacy is the highest paying of the three. Also, no stress and almost guaranteed job once she graduates since there is a good demand for pharmacists especially with the baby boomers retiring.

Real Estate Agent is probably the second highest paying.

She should do what she enjoys. I'm sure she will choose the right path. Don't worry. =)
Reply:It's great that you're taking such an active role in your daughter's career plans. You seem to be doing everything right. If she plans on going to college, internships are an excellent way to test out a field without having to commit to a permanent job.
Reply:No, she'll be fine
Reply:real estate is a lot different from retail. You can expect to make very little if any money your first couple of years until you build up contacts, get listings, etc.

she can probably get a pharmacy tech position with just a one year courses/training program - Pharmacy degree is pretty much a 5 year college program - heavy on the sciences I imagine - pays great once you get a job

does her highschool have a guidance counselor who can help her get info on careers?
Reply:pharm start at about 100k per year................the others don't
Reply:There is a real shortage of pharmacists in some areas. Demand will continue to grow for these services. Better and more certain income than real estate.
Reply:Age may be a problem in Real Estate initially, especially since the house market has all but fallen apart.

You mention that she is a natural at sales. How about testing that theory. My oldest son went to a four year college for his freshman year and did fine enough but seemed restless and unsatisfied. When we talked about it, he indicated that the school was fine (but he's never been a "big" guy on school although he does fine on grades), but it felt like he wasn't going anywhere. He had this "crazy" idea about wanting to go check out Tampa (We're from OH). He had a girlfriend reason, sort of, but what he really wanted to do was to get out on his own. Now, to be clear, I don't really advocate this in general, but in his case, we were able to work some situations around where it was a safe proposition. Anywah, we set some ground rules on what he had to do in terms of timing of getting a job, finding a doctor, you know, the normal stuff that someone who is responsible would do. He got an initial job at a movie rental place that paid barely above Min Wage (but he met the job deadline). After about 3 months, he'd about had it. He barely made any money, it sucked up his time etc. He was still enrolled in school full time as well.

(I'm getting to my point, I promise).

He's a natural salesperson. He hated the minimum wage grind. One day he said "how do I get ahead of all this". My response was that there are only two real ways to make decent money, i.e. make a lot more per hour on average, when you're that age: Work in the restaurant business and get good tips) or sell something of significant value to someone. He was also interested in the idea of real estate but we found him something a little better to cut his teeth on. He got a job selling at CarMax. I liked the situation because:

. CarMax is real. It's not some fly by night thing and it's not a typical "dealership" model

. CarMax provided real, corporate, sales training

. CarMax customers buy something of real value (a car), which means you actually have to sell

. Car Max has a good formula, it's real sales, and, in my son's case, he can reall get a feel for whether sales is his "thing" or not. Turns out, for him it is.

Of all the things you said...if you really believe you're daughter can sell and has the sales personality (Driven, gets restless, likes to "win" either by persuading someone she's right or by flat out beating them, has good verbal skills, and has some natural presence/charisma, consider suggesting she start by testing the water on sales. If she has sales in her blood, the other two may look interesting initially but she'll be bored before you know it. If it turns out selling really isn't her "thing", my gut says counseling might be a good second and pharmacy a third (but I've never met her so it's just gut)

Hope that helps some.
Reply:Real estate is going nowhere. Everyone's in it and no one is making money. Pharmacist or nurse!!!
Reply:Pharmacists make good money for what they actually do. A counselor does not make much money at all, unless you are talking about a legal counselor. Real estate agents are a dime a dozen. It is possible to make money in real estate but it seems 50% of the US population has a license.

CC Sabathia - What would you do?

2009-11-14T18:21:00.000-08:00

I am basing this question on several factors: Sabathia becomes a free agent after the 2008 season and will command big market money. Do the Indians have anyone who could possibly fill his shoes such as an Adam Miller? Do you offer Sabathia in trade? Also - couldn't he be considered Cleveland's A-Rod of the postseason - someone who delivered big numbers in the regular season but was a total fizzle in the postseason? Here is just a small part of Sabathia's comments on Monday and a basis for this question. The guy couldn't calm himself? He is a professional paid millions and a championship was at stake. Do you pay for regular season glory and postseason fizzle especially for this reason.

"I wanted to win so bad," said Sabathia, who went 1-2 with an 8.80 ERA in three postseason starts. "I'm a real competitive, emotional guy, and it just kind of took over. That hasn't happened to me in a couple years. It's a matter of me being able to calm down and letting my stuff play out........."

CC Sabathia - What would you do?
The problem was he did want to win so bad! He threw harder than he did all season and it screwed up his location. CC got us there though. Dint jump ship on him after a few bad games. I would love to see CC play his entire career in Cleveland. Its not likely, but he is the only guy we can actually think might make it to 300 wins in the next 20 years. Plus you cant really compare him to A-rod (who had a better post season than golden boy Jeter) since CC only pitched in 3 games. You look at Arod stats and we are talking about 0-52 streaks over a few years. Hardly comparable to one season. Keep CC and see if you can resign him during the first half of the season. If not see where we are in the standings come second half of the season. If we need to pick up some talent and think CC's days are done ... deal him!
Reply:I say we wait because he might be the difference of being a contender again, unless we are positive one of are young guys from the Bison's can come up and do the job, like you said maybe Miller.
Reply:My opinion is that he should enjoy the of season,Get all that stress out. Then check out the games tape,In order to observe what did he do differently from the regular season and specially thru out the play offs.Sabathia is a great pitcher and if the Indians wants to maintain with in the top four teams they must have this caliber pitcher.Of coarse they should offer CC a good contract term.
Reply:There is no possible way that Sabathia can be worth more to some other team than he is to the Indians. He is one of the five or six elite pitchers of the game and if the Indians are ever going to get back to playoffs and have a chance to win it all they will need a pitcher of his caliber, so why not keep him and pay him what he is worth?
Reply:Definitely resign him.

He's still our ace. He'll get used to playoff games soon and then he'll be good.
Reply:The name of the game is winning....championships!! That's why these guys make big bucks. Doing well during the regular season is great. It sells tickets and makes the franchises a ton of money. However post season is the goal and once getting there, a pennant is the very least acceptable accomplishment. It's about winning the world series.

I don't care if Sabathia won 30 games last year, he coked in the playoffs and that's the determining factor when it come to market value. A-Rod faces the same situation. He's not a money player either.
Reply:There's no way Dolan will shell out big bucks to keep him, just like he didn't for Manny, Omar, Jim Thome, Kenny Lofton, Joey Belle, and the list goes on and on. I am waiting for the day a player stays loyal to Cleveland and accepts a paycut. I might be waiting a LONNNNNNNG time, but hey, how much money can you possibly want? Honestly.
Reply:no doubt you keep him. u could not have made the post season without him.

Models? help me!?

2009-11-14T18:20:00.003-08:00

hey everybody....

i have a very important meeting with a modleing agent coming up who would like to sign me! she is the first agent i have talked to so i have never been to anything like this! and i have no idea what to wear! i am 6"0 with long legs and i was wondering what outfit would be appropriate. lieka a dress or a nice pair of dress pants and a shirt? how should i wear my hair? makeup? shoes? pictures would be a great help!

thanks yall!

oh and i have a light tan complexion with long brown wavy hair. :D

Models? help me!?
Hey ! I just got a modeling job at Victoria's Secret! I am working at Elite models. I just called them for you (anything for a fellow model) and they said just come as you are and don't freak out. They want to see confidence!

Good luck and hope to see you on the runway!
Reply:Okay i've been there and done that!

First try not to wear too much makeup, a little blush, and some mascara that's it, no eye-liner's that will cover up your features. hair you can pull it back so your face shows or you can wear it down but it has to be worn the right way, maybe straight and out of your face! you can wear slacks with a cute top or skinny jeans with a dressy blouse , do not wear a dress, it will look too partyish, anot jewelry, studs and a short necklace, shoes something cute, 2 inch heels or 3 if you can walk in them, and make sure your hair toenailsm nails, skin, legs and arm pits are clean and shaved, THEY DO check all that if you make it to call-backs. good luck!!! hope i helped!
Reply:First make sure the agency is legit! but if you have nice legs show them off with a cute skirt and as for your top models are often known for having longer necks so get a nice blouse that shows off ur neck and you collarbones...make sure it matches tha skirt! and wear peep toe wedge shoes to add extra height because models flaunt their height! leave your hair wavy!
Reply:actually you should be really casual...

wear something like this

this shirt: http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp...

these shorts; http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp...

these flip flops: (in white) http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp...

and these earrings: http://www.hottopic.com/hottopic/store/p...

you should wear ur hair in big, loose curls liek this... http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51...

and makeup like the same person for the hair ( a nude lip and a brown/ black eyeshadow lightly and a little bit of black mascara....

hope this helps!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

ps. i am a model for american eagle... this is me: http://www.ae.com/web/browse/category_fe...
Reply:I'm not a model but i want to be. I would wear probably nice pants and a pretty shirt. Probably your hair up in a ponytail or just down natrual (sp?). Don't wear alot of make up in my opinion, because they might want to try some stuff on your face. just like nice like casual shoes would be good.

=]

Anyone know the best "people finder"?

2009-11-14T18:20:00.002-08:00

I need an ex cia/fbi agent who wants to spend his time locating people who have skipped town, or some hacker who can find anything on the computer ( like my shoe size) Please dont put crap like..peoplefinders.com or zabba.com I need the BIG GUNS

Anyone know the best "people finder"?
Here is the tool I use David. As long as they drive a car,have a telephone, use electricity their current address is listed.One of the thing public utilities and car insurance company's do is keep this list up to date it is a pay service and takes about two weeks to be approved if you qualify
Reply:I use this site myself: http://www.peoplefinders.com/ Report It

White Teeth

Should I .........................?

2009-11-14T18:20:00.001-08:00

Basically I can write a song about anything. Hair, shoes, a t.v. show, etc. I wrote this really hot parody of "Sexyback" for my latin class and its called "Latinback". It was so good that my chemistry teacher wanted me to write a song for chemistry and i was going to show the principal and tell him i wanted to write a song for the school. So what i'm trying to say is: should i go national and get my own agent or is this just a phase? HELP!!! :]

Should I .........................?
haha..welll can i hear the song?...what about some lyrics?because i have a parody of it also...ok add me on yahoo messenger/...........I'm bringing cocaine back

Them other carckheads don't know how to act

I think you're special whats behind your back

So turn around and i'll smoke the crack.

Take em' to the bridge......LoL...this one took me 5 minutes to make

[Bridge]

Dirty babe

You see these rocks

Baby Im Your Dealer

I'll let you whip me if Smoke your rocks

It's just that no one lets me smoke there rocks

Take em' to the chorus

[Chorus]

Come here girl

Go ahead, be smoke it

Come to the crackhouse

Go ahead, be smoke it

VIP

Go ahead, be smoke it

Rocks on me

Go ahead, be smoke it

Let me see what you're smoking on

Go ahead, be smoke it

Look at those rocks

Go ahead, be smoke it

You make me smile

Go ahead, be smoke it

Go ahead child

Go ahead, be gone with it

And get your smoke on

Go ahead, be smoke it

Get your smoke on

Go ahead, be smoke it

[X6]

Get your smoke on

[Verse 2]

I'm bringing cocaine back

Them other crackheads don't know how to act

Come let me make up for the things you lack

Cause your burnin my crack fast

Take em' to the bridge

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]

I'm bringing cocaine back

Them other crackheads watch while I smoke crack

If that's your crack you better watch your back

Cause I'll burn it up for me and that's a fact

Need help,,,''''?

2009-11-14T18:20:00.000-08:00

what are the series of questions to be ask if i will undergone my interview in teletech bacolod?? need help so that my knowledge lng ako.. have to interview na next week... am so nervous.. sa mga agent dyan specifically in bacolod, can u help me?? can i dress up appropriately with matching slocks and shiny shoes during my interview?? thanksss...

Need help,,,''''?
dress nice and clean so that they will see what kind of person you are also dress conturfble
Reply:first off calm down get there a little early not too Early though. next think of someplace that you like to be a place that makes you happy and calm just before you go in. expect to be asked why you think you are qualified for the job and where do you plan to be in the company in 5 years. be ready to explain your answers but not in too much detail NEVER give out information that is not asked it doesn't pertain to the job or they will ask it. you might be asked to take a lie detector test answer truthfully it depends on the job whether or not that happens make sure your dressed for the job and don't look like a pimp. in other words don't over dress ask to see what kind of place this is find other employees ask questions this part will help you formulate answers in the interview also notice the way they are dressed and go in with a positive attitude. not over confident that might be looked at as cocky... good luck
Reply:There is no set questions. Questions different differ from one company to another. One key point, do not be nervous, be positive and confident and answer with whatever you have in mind, be genuine and honest, they like that. Not too honest though...

Don't try to answer a question that you know nothing about. If you have that, go for a interview with your chin up
Reply:Wear formal clothing, you have to look good, smell fresh, and be confident, but not overconfident. Stay positive, do your hair nice and what not. Just dont stress it, and especially do not get nervous when ur there, stay as calm as possible, study what your gunna say to them. dont sweat it. Good Luck for you!!

State : Neither Samaritan Nor Solomon ?? Mises?

2009-11-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

If you say that government is too big and truly overweening, you elicit a surprising degree of agreement among people, even mainstream columnists, economists, and nearly everyone. Even government employees, who famously resent their bosses, might be quick to agree. If you hang outside the offices of the IRS in Washington, D.C., in the park at noontime where its employees take their lunch, you will get an earful of vitriol against the bureaucracy such as you wouldn't hear outside 1990s militia circles.

Incidentally, the government is having a terrible time recruiting employees. Only 16% of college-educated workers say that they are interested in a government job. Among those without a college degree, there is twice the level of interest. Among people currently employed, those with managerial or professional occupations show a low interest level of 17%.

Among those who want work to be challenging and enjoyable, only 9% thought a government job qualified. And, interestingly, among those who say they want to make a contribution to society, 90% said that non-government work in the private sector, whether for profit or non-profit, is the way to go.

Now, what this means is that the smart set avoids government. Government work might still be attractive to people with fewer economic opportunities, but they are entering it for reasons that are not ideological. And for that reason too, they are less loyal to the public sector and glad to bail out if something else comes available.

Most people view this as a very bad trend. I would only say that it is a significant trend, especially considering that in the heyday of government central planning, government sought to attract the best and the brightest. Often it did. Now, one might argue that if government were doing what it should be doing, this would be a good thing. But if government is doing many bad things, it is certainly not a bad trend for it to experience a brain drain.

It is always a tragedy to see smart and entrepreneurial men and women be attracted away from productive employment in the private sector toward a position of power in the public sector. It makes us poorer to have the talents drained away from wealth creation toward wealth destruction. As for the very few good people in politics — Ron Paul is the great exception that proves the rule — they are true public servants only insofar as they work to diminish government power rather than increase it.

So long as government is large and overweening, we are better off with a public sector that cannot attract the best and brightest. They should stay put where they can continue to expand the range of goods and services offered within the market framework. It is the market that provides us the means necessary to improve our standard of living, and the tools we need to maintain some degree of independence from the state.

We often rail against incompetence in government. But before we go too far with this language, we need to consider that competence in government may be a far worse fate. We don't need genuinely competent antitrust enforcers, drug and food regulators, tax collectors, money manipulators, labor-law interventionists, gun grabbers, and environmental police. As H.L. Mencken said, we should be thankful that we don't get all the government we pay for.

To be sure, we are paying far more today for government than ever before. Consider the real annual growth rate of total government outlays by presidents. Under Nixon, it was 3%. Under Carter, it was 4.1%. Under Reagan, 2.6%. Under Bush's dad, 1.9%, a figuring owing to the cuts in military spending. Domestic spending soared. Under Clinton, whom we all denounced as a socialist, it was 1.5%, the lowest rate in the postwar period. And under the present Bush, who promised less government? The real annual growth rate of total government outlays has been 5%, which compares to Johnson-era spending.

The old rationales for government growth may have been discredited in the public mind. But they are alive in Washington, among the special interest groups, and among the media. I would like to identify the main ones.

Rationale Number One: The Good Samaritan State. In this view of government, the state should act like the third person to come upon the poor man who had been beaten and robbed. They imagine a population that is divided among three types of people: victims, victimizers, and those who refuse to help.

The victim classes we know all too well, because the litany is said again and again within the structure of labor law: the elderly, the very young, ethnic and racial minorities, religious minorities, sexual minorities, the physically and mentally disabled, workers, the underpaid, people in rural areas, those who deal with urban overcrowding, people who breathe dirty air or eat chemically produced products, artists, the manufacturing industry, people with peanut allergies, the dyslexic, short people, fat people, the leisure deprived, and I've probably left out a hundred or so other groups.

Among the victimizers, we similarly have a list: capitalists, racial and ethnic majorities, sexual majorities, the overpaid, managers and CEOs, people who live in gated communities, the well armed, consumers of cell phones, owners of mines, anyone living off a trust fund, fully abled men, and anyone who resents social managers telling them what to do.

In the view of those who advocate the Samaritan State, these two classes of victims and victimizers are constantly at war. There is nothing but conflict between them. The loss of one is the gain of the other. These categories are fixed and unchanging. The lack of harmony of interests is built into the structure of the social and economic world. The remedy requires an institution that is relentlessly engaged in reweighing the power relationships between the two groups. The conflict cannot be finally ended, but justice requires that the victims are given an unending stream of compensation and that the victimizers are treated with disdain and punished for their very existence. Social justice thus requires that victimizers are reduced, disabled, denounced, and spat upon, while the victims must be exalted, fed, clothed, funded, and made whole.

This is how the Left, broadly speaking, thinks the world works, and should work. It doesn't matter whether one considers oneself a hard Marxist or a soft social democrat, the intellectual tie that binds them together is the view that conflict and not cooperation characterizes the work of society in the absence of an institution dedicated to bringing about social justice.

The institutional answer is, of course, the state. The state is the Samaritan who lifts up and exalts the meek, and smites the proud and powerful who would otherwise walk right past the poor person on the street, who is the very archetype of the victim in the leftist view of how the world works.

But there are many things wrong with this view of society. In the parable, the victim was beaten and robbed. He was exploited only in a very narrow and old-fashioned sense: his person and property were violated. These are crimes against libertarian ethics, a system of thought that mirrors what every religious and ethical system has taught: do not kill and do not steal. In other words, he was not a victim of some hazy notion of Social Injustice.

He was not discriminated against, exploited by an employer, made to work long hours, or denied a comfy living in his old age. There is a huge difference between being beaten and robbed, and having to pay high prices for prescription drugs. The great error of the Left is its inability to distinguish the injustice of violence from the supposed injustice of inequality of material condition.

As for the Samaritan, he was not acting as an agent of the regime. He used his own money to help the victim. He got him back on his feet and paid his bills at the private clinic where he was deposited for care. The Samaritan did not rob someone else to give money to the man on the street. He presumably got his money justly by hard work and investment. He had no desire to keep the man dependent, nor to exercise power over him, tax him, regulate him, nor send him to war.

The state is something very different. It has no income but that which it robs from someone else. It seeks its own gain at others' expense. It protects itself and promotes itself before the interests of everyone else. It is beholden to special interests who create and control its regulatory apparatus. It is not impartial. It sides with its friends over its enemies. Moreover, the state is an exploiter, a murderer, a violator of human rights.

The typical response of the Left is to say that they want a state that does only good things such as share and care, and not bad things such as steal and kill. But this cannot be. We might as well wish for a lion that only purrs and cuddles, or a rattlesnake that only provides percussion accompaniment to mariachi music. The very nature of the state is that it exists only through and for compulsion. To imagine otherwise is not to face reality.

Rationale Number Two: The Solomonic State. In the Bible we are told that King Solomon had "understanding exceeding much and largeness of heart, even as the sand that [is] on the sea shore." And his "wisdom excelled the wisdom of all the children of the east country, and all the wisdom of Egypt." He was "wiser than all men" and "his fame was in all nations round about." He spoke "three thousand proverbs: and his songs were a thousand and five." He "spake of trees, from the cedar tree that [is] in Lebanon even unto the hyssop that springeth out of the wall: he spake also of beasts, and of fowl, and of creeping things, and of fishes. And there came of all people to hear the wisdom of Solomon, from all kings of the earth, which had heard of his wisdom."

Now, I'm not here to dispute the Bible's account of Solomon's wisdom. But let us also recall that Solomon's rule later became close to tyrannical. His son Rehoboam inherited his power, and when the people begged for relief from Solomon's "heavy yoke," and instigated a full-scale crackdown: "My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions."

To be wise and prudent is not characteristics of rulers. In fact, it is very dangerous to hope that they may be. If we set out to find such a person, and have fantastic power available to him when we believe he has arrived, we have set up the framework for tyranny. The founders knew that no man can be trusted with power. They attempted to construct a system that presumed that men were corruptible, and that there would be some means to dislodge them when their corruption showed.

Still, today many people long for the Solomonic State as a means of dispensing justice. Unlike the Samaritan model, the goal here is not charity but the just wielding of the sword on behalf of the right and true. Thus should we seek out righteous men of learning and moral character who know what evil is and have the courage to stand up to it and destroy it. This model is what inspires this mentality.

There are many problems with this model. One man might be very wise, even the wisest of all men. But as F.A. Hayek might remind us, all the accumulated knowledge in the head of one person is still infinitesimal as compared with the wisdom that emerges through social cooperation on the marketplace. We can consider the price of any good on the market as it stands right now, and know that this one price results from the accumulated decisions of millions of people across thousands and thousands of sectors of economic activity spread throughout the world. The knowledge is dispersed in a million directions and results from small decisions and actions by economic actors. But the result is a single indicator that assists in allocating resources better than any single mind could ever do.

The model of the Solomonic State also imagines that somehow the social order we see around us cannot possibly have come about without a single will operating in society, some firm hand that has designed the order and keeps it running smoothly. People who think this way imagine that in the absence of this firm hand, there would be nothing but a Hobbesian state of nature, where society is a war of all against all and life is nasty, brutish, and short.

Our age is notably lacking in the likes of Solomon, and so those who fear the Hobbesian state of nature turn to the managerial state to act wisely in the interest of justice and order, at home and abroad. They might not always like what the rulers do, but they consider the alternative to despotism more fearsome. They warn about the dread results of anarchism and liberty, where people senselessly kill and rob without consequence. They fear this liberty more than they fear the abuses of power.

This, I submit, is the mentality of many conservatives and many on the Right. We see it in the affections they have for Bush, the Patriot Act, the war on terror, and how quickly people fall for any leader who uses Manichean rhetoric in defense of the latest nationalistic crusade.

What these people need more than anything else is a familiarity with the insights of the old liberal tradition as represented by Jefferson, Bastiat, Mises, Hayek, and Rothbard. They need to come to see how order is not the mother of liberty but its daughter. They need to see how society is harmonious not because of the state but because of the prevalence of human cooperation in the marketplace, where people work to trade to their own mutual betterment.

People who fail to understand this become the unwitting servants of tyranny, particularly in the modern age when it is so obviously not wise but stupid and violent and presumptuous. They imagine that the state can posses godlike powers and bring justice and order, but they end up only empowering the worst elements in society, bringing injustice, and chaos.

Now, you might say that the old liberal view of society is naïve. It might be in people's interest to learn to trade rather than steal but we live in a fallen world. If not for some overarching controlling force, people would loot each other unrelentingly and kill for fun. Now, to this I can say that it is true that some societies have not learned to make trading and peace significantly more prevalent than violence and killing. History is strewn with examples.

The question we have to ask ourselves is whether a society that fails to learn the art of civilization will erect and sustain a state that will impose civilization on the people. I submit that history also teaches that when a people are brutal and uncivilized, the state is even more so. The state is rarely and maybe never better than the people it rules; in fact, it is almost always worse.

Rationale Number Three: Log-Rolling. Given these two very different conceptions of the state, one favoring the welfare state and the other favoring a warfare state, why don't the visions cancel each other out? So intense is the desire of one group to have the state that it wants that it is willing to put up with another group's desire for its conception of the state. The two conceptions decide to cooperate and erect a state that purports to behave both like Solomon and like the Samaritan. That is the origin of the guns-and-butter state, or the welfare-warfare state, or the modern state as we know it, one that purports to meet every need.

We see how this log-rolling works every day on Capitol Hill. One group wants more money for tanks and weaponry, and the other wants more for Medicaid and education. If both agree that politics is the art of compromise, they will put up with the other group's priorities in order that their own vision can be fulfilled.

On the Right, we find that the love for the police power is more intense than the hatred of redistribution. On the Left, we find that the love of redistribution is more intense than the hatred of war and leviathan. They therefore work together to erect a massive and ever-growing executive. They are similarly unwilling to oppose the state in total. They fear that in doing so, the state as an institution will be discredited, and their conception of what the state should do along with it. Neither side particularly loves big government but both sides agree that it is better than the alternative of letting people alone. So they log-roll to support the public sector above all else, even when it means that they must sleep with their ostensible political enemies.

Rationale Number Four: The Inflationary State. Now we come to the reason this system is able to perpetuate itself. And there is something of a mystery to explain here. No people anywhere will put up with a leviathan that grows and grows forever. At some point, the problem of funding state expansion will result in too much violence against property, and the people will revolt. Indeed, if the federal government had to collect all its revenue through a tax of any kind, leveled right now against the public, I submit to you that it would spark a tax revolt on a scale never before seen in modern history.

Thus do we have the central bank to create money for the state. Thus do we have paper money that can be created in unlimited quantities. Thus do we have deposit insurance to make banks failure proof, so that the masses will never doubt that the credit pyramid is immortal. Thus do we have the Fed's power to manipulate interest rates and control the flow of credit to the system.

An economist at Lehman Brothers sent us an interesting chart the other day. It compares the level of price increases across many Fed regimes. Under the first Fed governor Charles Hamlin, the dollar declined 8% in value. Under Thomas B. McCabe from the late forties, it declined 7.2%. Under Arthur Burns, wholly owned by Nixon, the dollar declined 42% in value. Under Volcker, Mr. Tight Money, it fell 40%. And under Greenspan, who has a reputation as a great inflation fighter, the value of the dollar in terms of goods and services fell fully 44%!

Inflation serves the cause of the state by giving it room to run up debts without limit and fund its activities without making the people cough up more revenue. Indeed, that is the primary purpose of the inflationary state. People often say to me that a gold standard is impractical. In fact, that is not the case. It is very practical. It is the free-market answer. The state doesn't need to produce money any more than it needs to produce shoes or shirts or clocks. The problem is that we lack the political will to stop the inflation monster.

Rationale Number Five: The Propaganda State. In every society control of educational institutions increases in tandem with the rise of the state. This is because the state needs these institutions to inculcate the civic religion of loving the public enterprise, and also because the less people know about the idea of liberty the more the state is provided the room to grow.

Consider the Department of Education. Ever since its creation, every Republican administration has come to power with an intention to abolish it. But once they get in power, they find that bureaucracy has its uses. Instead of cutting or abolishing it, they increase the agency and give it more to do. The more the state does, the more the state sees the need to control public opinion by controlling the schools.

Now, there is a point of optimism here. If any state could rule without propaganda, it would surely do so. Why then do states find educational control and the propagation of the civic religion in their interest? Because at some level, every state, in all times and places, is required to seek the tacit consent of those it governs. No state can control a society by use of the sword only and alone. It must also seek some degree of ideological conformity with its own goals. Otherwise its rule becomes threatened and destabilized.

The other side of the coin is that states can indeed be destabilized by the ultimate counterrevolutionary tactic of providing alternative sources of education. As Mises said, all of history is a battle of ideas. Where the ideas of freedom are triumphant, liberty prevails. Where the ideas of freedom are buried and suppressed, despotism prevails.

Our pathway is clear. It is a choice of the Mises Institute not to mix in the mire of a political system that is wholly owned or attempt to seek favor from influential opinion makers. Our path is one of education, pursued with high-minded ideals, advanced using the most modern methods, and animated by the spirit of guerilla warfare. There are Misesians and Rothbardians strewn throughout the academic world, financial and banking houses, law firms, and in every walk of life, not only in this country but all over the world.

We have worked for nearly a quarter of a century on a very radical project of advancing economic science and logic. We have pushed to keep the fire of freedom burning brightly. We have sought to teach anyone and everyone about the workings and benefits of liberty. We have come under pressure from left, right, and center. Yet the attention given to this body of ideas grows by the day.

We can prevail against the Propaganda State. So long as we are free to do so and have the means available, we will continue to do so. This is our weapon against power. It is the most effective weapon anyone could ever possess. If we win this victory, we win all others.

We thank you for supporting education for liberty, and for being part of the revolutionary vanguard that sees through the errors of our day and imagines a brighter future of freedom, private property, and peace. : Mises Institute

State : Neither Samaritan Nor Solomon ?? Mises?
Your question is too long. Learn to be succinct.

Airports + Women + High Heels =?

2009-11-12T20:22:00.002-08:00

LONGER WAITING IN LINES FOR SECURITY CHECKS!!

Women ---- Why???? Do you wear your stupid high heels at

the airport?? It took us twice as long to get thru security, then

when you're walking thru the aisles, you take little bitty baby steps

because you can't walk in your shoes and jam up traffic throughout the whole airport where seniors in wheel chairs and the staff with the transport vehicles can't get by or wait for you to take your itty bitty steps to get out of the way.

I hate to be behind you during an emergency exit from an airplane.

If you are a woman who wears heels at an airport......please tell me why?

Who are you trying to impress??

The TSA agent said they should be banned because they are

a hazard.

What do you think?

***********************

Airports + Women + High Heels =?
Women used to wearing high heels should refrain from using them when on trips to avoid delay and easy movement/escape during emergency.
Reply:I don't wear high heels. They hurt my back and feet. Men seem to like high heels. I don't know why.
Reply:Can't walk in high heels? I guess thats just a matter of skill.

And slowing down security? How so? My shoes slip on and off, no velcro or shoelaces, it seems to me that people in tennis shoes hold up the line more than women in heels.

And of course the TSA says they should be banned. If most TSA agents had their way, we would not be allowed any luggage, or purses, we would just be herded naked through the gates with our id's tatoo'ed on our arms. It would obviously be for our safety, and make their lives easier.
Reply:should be allowed if with short skirt only
Reply:They are slower, but I don't mind getting behind a woman in high heels. The scenery makes up for the wait.
Reply:High heels are one of the dumbest creations ever! Along with your comments they are also rough on the spine and hips.

Watch women walk in them, other than trained dancers I've never seen a woman who can walk gracefully in them. They make a woman walk with her hips thrust forward ruining her balance and making her seem clumsy and awkward. I'd much rather see a woman in flat shoes because her form is so much more natural and graceful.
Reply:We wear high heels because we've got style. And excuse me, you get stupid flat shoe snails as well.

Have you ever thought about the fact that we might be going on a business trip? Or maybe we just like dressing up, looking stunning when we meet our men. There is nothing more sexy than a women in good clothes, wearing stilettos going with it. If I don't miss it, there is no dress code for airports. (Why do air hostesses wear high heel shoes? Because it makes them look more professional)!!!

You either must be a student or someone with a lousy job who can't afford high heel shoes!!!
Reply:Will anyone lose patience with a woman in high heels inside of a BURQA....
Reply:I dont understand why anyone want to wear heel in the airport either but for business last minute trips but those women should know how to walk in them but those who want to be cute then need to turned away at security and banned from the flight. when i fly i want to be comfortable. tennis shoes, sweat, tshirts.

new year lily