Guard makes border breachings tougherBy BARBARA BARRETT
McClatchy Newspapers
LAS CRUCES SUN-NEWS/NORM DETTLAFF VIA AP
Army National Guard Spc. Gustavo Gutierrez, 23, of Las Cruces, N.M., scans the U.S./Mexico border from the top of Radar Hill, near Columbus in southwestern New Mexico. He is part of Operation Jump Start.
More photosLOS ALGODONES, Mexico -- Not five minutes after the boatload of migrants slipped across the Colorado River at dusk, the "dogcatchers" arrived.
First came U.S. Border Patrol trucks, tearing down a dirt road and cutting their headlights. Then the helicopter with its deafening blades, dipping and circling, casting spotlights across the water and the mountainside, again and again and again.
On the Mexican side, above the town of Los Algodones, Francisco Lopez watched and listened. For a month, he said, he's been waiting. He sleeps under the shade of trees, scrounges food. Three times he almost crossed.
"They're here day and night," said Lopez, 42, who traveled from the state of Michoacan, hoping to reach New York. "When I got here, I was surprised to see so much force on the other side."
The show of force now includes Operation Jump Start, which President Bush announced in May. About 6,000 National Guard troops are coming to the border, to reinforce the Border Patrol "perreras": dogcatchers.
The deployment is meant to discourage migrants from risking the dash into the United States. The increased security is pushing them into remote areas -- including harsh desert and mountains -- forcing more to use smugglers and leading those who are caught to make repeated attempts that sap their strength and money. Many walk for days with little food or water.
"Short term, you might see more deaths, because they think they can beat the system," said Lt. Col. Randy Powell, the commander of the North Carolina National Guard's 252nd Combined Arms Battalion. Over time, he said, the death toll should drop.
The Guard is coming
Word has spread throughout Mexico: The Guard is coming.
"I read the newspapers," said Hector Encinas, 29, who lives in San Luis Rio Colorado, just south of San Luis, Ariz. He used to cross routinely to work in the United States, paying $300 a trip. Now the price is $1,500. He used to help others, but no more.
"It's more hard right now," Encinas said, standing in the shade near an opening in the border wall where three Border Patrol trucks were parked. "They got a fence, more soldiers, more Border Patrol."
Of the Guard, he said, "They're cool. They're cool." He knows the troops aren't allowed to make apprehensions, just to call in border agents.
Still, in the more urban Mexican crossing points south of Arizona, something has changed.
In Los Algodones, tucked into the crook of the border with California and Yuma, Ariz., the travelers who hope to sneak across the border -- known as "pollos," or chickens -- gather at dusk in the park.
Fabiola Salazar, 25, figures the smugglers the locals call "polleros" -- chicken herders -- make up 30 percent of the summer business at her family's grocery. Every morning, the smugglers buy water and food for the journey.
Lately, she said, business is way down.
Dangerous detours
What sends migrants farther out are the images of the National Guard standing watch. The North Carolina Guard troops are scattered in strategic spots along the western half of the Arizona border, including some posts so distant they're best reached by helicopter.
Near San Luis, Ariz., the troops work under camouflage nets, setting up observation points every quarter-mile on a levee near the Colorado River, above stretches of dirt and fields of tall, swaying grasses.
The scrutiny is pushing migrants toward a land so vast that travelers can walk three days before crossing a paved road. During heat like last week's, with temperatures climbing toward 115 degrees, the migrants can't carry enough water.
The Sonoran Desert is littered with their castoffs: empty water bottles, shoes, jackets. The daytime heat is blistering, and only a very brave man would walk the rugged landscape at night, said the Rev. Robin Hoover, the founder of Tucson-based Humane Borders Inc.
Yet people get through. About 60 miles north of the border lay evidence that Hoover thought came from a recent smugglers' pickup: Two dozen backpacks were discarded among the cactuses. Some held deodorant or unopened tuna cans; Hoover unfolded a scrap of paper with a Florida hotel phone number scrawled across it.
Because more men are staying in the United States, more are sending for their families. More women and children are crossing.
Migrants pass through the cotton and alfalfa fields around Rebeca Moreno's store, a quarter-mile from the Colorado River, ignoring the signs warning "Peligroso!" -- danger. Pointing across the cotton field, she said in Spanish: "There is the river. The migrants try to swim across."
They're caught, sent home and try again.
A man died right there, she said, pointing to a spot in the dirt road.
Is it getting tougher to trespass into America?
We can ONLY PRAY it keeps getting tougher and tougher every day.
Reply:Yes it is getting more difficult. This is a great article, thank you.
It should be even more difficult to get here illegally and am glad our borders are more secure now days.
Reply:I'm glad it's getting harder. That makes me happy.
Reply:Yep
Reply:My heart weeps for those who have died somebody tell them to please stop trying to cross illegally and for those who have already crossed please let them stay I am one of the NG's that guard the borders and that is how I feel
Mi corazón llora para los que han muerto a alguien les digan que
satisfacer la parada que intenta cruzarse ilegal y para los que se han cruzado ya por favor déjelos permanecerme son una del NG que guarden las fronteras y que sean cómo me siento
Reply:Thanks for posting ... good article ... we need more news like this ... :)
Reply:To the rest of the world this preoccupation with the 'illegals' issue quite amusing. Keep it up. The expressions of hate and the threats of violence are revealing
Reply:Yes it is getting tougher
Thursday, November 12, 2009
What category do BHS, 'a betting agent,' 'Holland and Barrat', superdrug, and M&s come into? im american
and these names are foreign to me. What category would these shops fall into?
A Major shopping units
B Clothing and Shoe Shops
C Convenience shops
D Furniture and Carpets
E Specialist shops
F Personal services
G Catering and entertainment
H Car Sales
J Professional services and offices
K Public buildings
L Transport
M Change
N Residential
P Industrial
Q Discount stores
R Charity
What category do BHS, 'a betting agent,' 'Holland and Barrat', superdrug, and M%26amp;s come into? im american
BHS (Department store)- A
Betting Agent (you probably mean a betting shop) E
Holland %26amp; Barrett (Health foods) Probably E
Superdrug ( Walgreens without the dispensary) E
M %26amp; S (Marks %26amp; Spencer) A
All these are open to interpretation and US categorisation of businesses is a little different to the UK
Reply:BHS (British Home Stores) is a department store selling clothes / underwear / shoes / home things so I guess A.
A betting agent is a bookmaker for gambling on horses etc. so would be none of the above as they don't have gambling as an option so I guess you'd have to choose G - catering and entertainment as it's about the only entertainment most of the unemployed men round here get!
Holland and Barratt is a health store selling vitamins and health foods but again they don't have food or supplements listed so would have to be E - specialist shops.
Superdrug is a pharmacy / beauty / drugstore but they don't have an option for that either so have to be E again.
M%26amp;S (marks and spencer) is a department store selling clothes / food / shoes / homewares / toys / underwear etc. but mainly only their own brand name. - Would have to be A again.
Just out of curiosity what on earth would go under "M Change" what is a change shop? Is it when you walk in you think it's a butcher but it changes to a florist?
Reply:I suppose BHS is A, its like a department store.
Betting agent not sure on from your list
Holland and Barret is Health food so i guess E
Superdrug is a pharmacist/drug store and M%26amp;S another department store.
Reply:BHS (British Home Stores) is B
A betting agent is E I would say
Holland %26amp; Barret sell health foods so I'd say E
Superdrug sells health %26amp; beauty products so E
M%26amp;S (Marks %26amp; Spencers) is A
Reply:A mainly, BHS is British Home Stores a clothing and home furnishings store (not really major any longer I have only seen one in recent years), A betting agent is a place where you can go and place bets on sporting events and buy lottery tickets etc (there is one of these on pretty much every high street, Holland %26amp; Barrat is a wholefood and health food store selling stuff like herbal remedies, vitamins and natural foods like seeds, nuts etc, Superdrug is a pharmacy that mainly specializes in cosmetics and hair styling supplies alongside the normal pharmacy stuff and Marks %26amp; Spencer is a major retailer (probably the most prestigious chain of markets in the country) that sells mainly expensive well produced preprepared food and high quality clothes.
wallflower
A Major shopping units
B Clothing and Shoe Shops
C Convenience shops
D Furniture and Carpets
E Specialist shops
F Personal services
G Catering and entertainment
H Car Sales
J Professional services and offices
K Public buildings
L Transport
M Change
N Residential
P Industrial
Q Discount stores
R Charity
What category do BHS, 'a betting agent,' 'Holland and Barrat', superdrug, and M%26amp;s come into? im american
BHS (Department store)- A
Betting Agent (you probably mean a betting shop) E
Holland %26amp; Barrett (Health foods) Probably E
Superdrug ( Walgreens without the dispensary) E
M %26amp; S (Marks %26amp; Spencer) A
All these are open to interpretation and US categorisation of businesses is a little different to the UK
Reply:BHS (British Home Stores) is a department store selling clothes / underwear / shoes / home things so I guess A.
A betting agent is a bookmaker for gambling on horses etc. so would be none of the above as they don't have gambling as an option so I guess you'd have to choose G - catering and entertainment as it's about the only entertainment most of the unemployed men round here get!
Holland and Barratt is a health store selling vitamins and health foods but again they don't have food or supplements listed so would have to be E - specialist shops.
Superdrug is a pharmacy / beauty / drugstore but they don't have an option for that either so have to be E again.
M%26amp;S (marks and spencer) is a department store selling clothes / food / shoes / homewares / toys / underwear etc. but mainly only their own brand name. - Would have to be A again.
Just out of curiosity what on earth would go under "M Change" what is a change shop? Is it when you walk in you think it's a butcher but it changes to a florist?
Reply:I suppose BHS is A, its like a department store.
Betting agent not sure on from your list
Holland and Barret is Health food so i guess E
Superdrug is a pharmacist/drug store and M%26amp;S another department store.
Reply:BHS (British Home Stores) is B
A betting agent is E I would say
Holland %26amp; Barret sell health foods so I'd say E
Superdrug sells health %26amp; beauty products so E
M%26amp;S (Marks %26amp; Spencers) is A
Reply:A mainly, BHS is British Home Stores a clothing and home furnishings store (not really major any longer I have only seen one in recent years), A betting agent is a place where you can go and place bets on sporting events and buy lottery tickets etc (there is one of these on pretty much every high street, Holland %26amp; Barrat is a wholefood and health food store selling stuff like herbal remedies, vitamins and natural foods like seeds, nuts etc, Superdrug is a pharmacy that mainly specializes in cosmetics and hair styling supplies alongside the normal pharmacy stuff and Marks %26amp; Spencer is a major retailer (probably the most prestigious chain of markets in the country) that sells mainly expensive well produced preprepared food and high quality clothes.
wallflower
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
Scorpio and yes it's all true. I am the next Bill Gates. lol
Reply:WOOHA!~!!
Reply:HELL NO!!!! I'm a Sagittarius and sure doesn't describe me! You lost me after "crushing spiders with bare hands"
Reply:Cancer
Reply:Im Gemini.Everything there was nearly the exact opposite of what i am..
Reply:libra.
Reply:No way nothing like me.
Reply:Pisces. Agree with some things.
Reply:Cancer.
Stretching out one pair of underwear for a month.... um for one NO and second ewww that's disgusting! LOL Next Cancers is supposedly the motherly sign of the zodiac.... Ladies Home Journal.. not really me although recently I'd been getting into cooking and giving folks advice. Well my style of clothing isn't bizarre, I like to dress just as feminine as the next lady.
As for being walked over, I am a nice person but there is a fine line of being gullible and treating people with kindness-- there were a few folks who wanted to confused the two with me but unfortunately I wasn't letting them have it, now that I'm older and had experiences with these types. I can go down the line of everything written about Cancer and see where it applies to me but I think I'll stop here as I'll be writing for quite awhile.
Overall most of these isn't who I am despite my sign and I take take these 'descriptions' are just for humor. It's funny!
BTW, George W. Bush shouldn't belong to any 'sign'. Personally I think not only is he is an embarrassment to this nation but to Cancerians everywhere!
Reply:Capricorn
Reply:The only truth I found about Scorpios is that Bill gates is one.
Reply:I am Taurus, Your description is not me not even my alter ego.
Reply:I'm a Scorpio, you definition doesn't impress me, but your persistence in typing 14 pages to get your ideas across is mind-boggling, real dedicated aren't you.
Reply:aquarius and no it doesnt
Reply:TAURUS - May 11...OMG, so like me, most of it, few exceptions that I don't see, that someone else might!
Reply:Um, I'm a leo and that is about as opposite of me as one can get...
Reply:I am a Libra, and that was WAY off.
Reply:LMFAO! I'm a Cancerian and my husband is a Pisces...lucky for him, he won't ever get run over by a truck!!
Reply:pisces
Reply:omg yah! im a pisces hehe ♥ i thenk this sort of theng is fun :-} bu ti also thenk u cud read any of them interchangabee, people have usually experianced everee emotion an character trait soem time in their lives, an myself having taken a survey by my therapist, wus often coonfused between two extreames, am i hardwerking an diligent, or lazy? super intelligent, or adorablee dumb? im both, the human being is an amazing theng ♥
Reply:Taurus, and it doesn't describe me.
Reply:tarus here. thats creepy.
but i do not live in millwalkee ( or however thats spelled) and i hate the bar, and i do not wish i was God. everything else came kinda close.
what are you?
Reply:Haha
that was semi cute
I'm a Sagittarius..
Hell no I'm not hitting a spider with my hands
other wise somewhat on point with the rest..
it made me chuckle..
you forgot to put will phuk up anyone that talks ish about them...watch yourself..
holla@urgirl ;O
Reply:Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers.( I am A naturist That very Adventurous)
They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. (Yeap)
They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. (Yeap)
Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. (YEAP especially while naked) This often includes transvesticism.
Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. (Nope)
Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces.
(not so)
They seek to offend.
(not SO)
Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus (Nah) (((Maximus YES max fun while naked oudoors))). Animals and small children love Sagittarians.
(I guess so IDK)
This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks
( NOPE not a freak or vagrant).
Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts.
(I love naked danceing at full moon around fires does that count )
Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian.
(maybe I did make a bumper sticker kinda that says NIF)
They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
(NOPE)
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad.
(HAHA All getting naked funny)
Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro.
(hahaha I have a GEO Prizm)
The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. (YEAP)
This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York,
(I don't get this one)
NY the most Sagittarian town in the universe.
(((Really Why I can guess that they are consieved on or about St .Pat's day (GO IRISH))))
The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well.
(HAHAHA I LIkeY BUSTY Expecially MY LOVE fickleNIF♥™
another Sagittaruis HMMM..
A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
(NO I am hip to be naked so that very hip)
Reply:im virgo, n its not like me at all lol
Reply:the canser one discribes me alot......buuuttttt, not compleatly. i'm not a slob, tho my consept of 'fasion' is weird. and i'm not a compleat doormat!!
Fun read!!
ALL of thoes are funny!
Reply:im an aquraius and yes i somewhat agree. ok i agree a lot!
Reply:libra
Reply:im a scorpio and that was so not true....i'm NOT hairy lol....but I do like to smoke :)
Reply:oh yeah. i'm a taurus and my husband and son are aries - all fits
Reply:I am a Pisces and I'd say about half of that stuff is true.
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
Scorpio and yes it's all true. I am the next Bill Gates. lol
Reply:WOOHA!~!!
Reply:HELL NO!!!! I'm a Sagittarius and sure doesn't describe me! You lost me after "crushing spiders with bare hands"
Reply:Cancer
Reply:Im Gemini.Everything there was nearly the exact opposite of what i am..
Reply:libra.
Reply:No way nothing like me.
Reply:Pisces. Agree with some things.
Reply:Cancer.
Stretching out one pair of underwear for a month.... um for one NO and second ewww that's disgusting! LOL Next Cancers is supposedly the motherly sign of the zodiac.... Ladies Home Journal.. not really me although recently I'd been getting into cooking and giving folks advice. Well my style of clothing isn't bizarre, I like to dress just as feminine as the next lady.
As for being walked over, I am a nice person but there is a fine line of being gullible and treating people with kindness-- there were a few folks who wanted to confused the two with me but unfortunately I wasn't letting them have it, now that I'm older and had experiences with these types. I can go down the line of everything written about Cancer and see where it applies to me but I think I'll stop here as I'll be writing for quite awhile.
Overall most of these isn't who I am despite my sign and I take take these 'descriptions' are just for humor. It's funny!
BTW, George W. Bush shouldn't belong to any 'sign'. Personally I think not only is he is an embarrassment to this nation but to Cancerians everywhere!
Reply:Capricorn
Reply:The only truth I found about Scorpios is that Bill gates is one.
Reply:I am Taurus, Your description is not me not even my alter ego.
Reply:I'm a Scorpio, you definition doesn't impress me, but your persistence in typing 14 pages to get your ideas across is mind-boggling, real dedicated aren't you.
Reply:aquarius and no it doesnt
Reply:TAURUS - May 11...OMG, so like me, most of it, few exceptions that I don't see, that someone else might!
Reply:Um, I'm a leo and that is about as opposite of me as one can get...
Reply:I am a Libra, and that was WAY off.
Reply:LMFAO! I'm a Cancerian and my husband is a Pisces...lucky for him, he won't ever get run over by a truck!!
Reply:pisces
Reply:omg yah! im a pisces hehe ♥ i thenk this sort of theng is fun :-} bu ti also thenk u cud read any of them interchangabee, people have usually experianced everee emotion an character trait soem time in their lives, an myself having taken a survey by my therapist, wus often coonfused between two extreames, am i hardwerking an diligent, or lazy? super intelligent, or adorablee dumb? im both, the human being is an amazing theng ♥
Reply:Taurus, and it doesn't describe me.
Reply:tarus here. thats creepy.
but i do not live in millwalkee ( or however thats spelled) and i hate the bar, and i do not wish i was God. everything else came kinda close.
what are you?
Reply:Haha
that was semi cute
I'm a Sagittarius..
Hell no I'm not hitting a spider with my hands
other wise somewhat on point with the rest..
it made me chuckle..
you forgot to put will phuk up anyone that talks ish about them...watch yourself..
holla@urgirl ;O
Reply:Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers.( I am A naturist That very Adventurous)
They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. (Yeap)
They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. (Yeap)
Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. (YEAP especially while naked) This often includes transvesticism.
Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. (Nope)
Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces.
(not so)
They seek to offend.
(not SO)
Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus (Nah) (((Maximus YES max fun while naked oudoors))). Animals and small children love Sagittarians.
(I guess so IDK)
This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks
( NOPE not a freak or vagrant).
Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts.
(I love naked danceing at full moon around fires does that count )
Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian.
(maybe I did make a bumper sticker kinda that says NIF)
They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
(NOPE)
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad.
(HAHA All getting naked funny)
Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro.
(hahaha I have a GEO Prizm)
The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. (YEAP)
This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York,
(I don't get this one)
NY the most Sagittarian town in the universe.
(((Really Why I can guess that they are consieved on or about St .Pat's day (GO IRISH))))
The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well.
(HAHAHA I LIkeY BUSTY Expecially MY LOVE fickleNIF♥™
another Sagittaruis HMMM..
A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
(NO I am hip to be naked so that very hip)
Reply:im virgo, n its not like me at all lol
Reply:the canser one discribes me alot......buuuttttt, not compleatly. i'm not a slob, tho my consept of 'fasion' is weird. and i'm not a compleat doormat!!
Fun read!!
ALL of thoes are funny!
Reply:im an aquraius and yes i somewhat agree. ok i agree a lot!
Reply:libra
Reply:im a scorpio and that was so not true....i'm NOT hairy lol....but I do like to smoke :)
Reply:oh yeah. i'm a taurus and my husband and son are aries - all fits
Reply:I am a Pisces and I'd say about half of that stuff is true.
Suggestions for outfits for casting auditions? (no denim, shorts, sneakers etc)?
Starting next week I'm going to be seeing a bunch of agents from different companies and hopefully get hired (I model and act in small tv commercials.) there's a strict dress code. you can't have any short-shorts, flip flops, sneakers, denim, sweats, too revealing clothes, etc. so far I have some fashion tops, bermuda shorts and flats. They don't want anything too fancy or too casual. Any ideas for particular pants or shoes?
Suggestions for outfits for casting auditions? (no denim, shorts, sneakers etc)?
i would wear something like this:
http://store.delias.com/item.do?category...
with
http://store.delias.com/item.do?category...
http://www.abercrombie.com/webapp/wcs/st...
Suggestions for outfits for casting auditions? (no denim, shorts, sneakers etc)?
i would wear something like this:
http://store.delias.com/item.do?category...
with
http://store.delias.com/item.do?category...
http://www.abercrombie.com/webapp/wcs/st...
Monday, April 27, 2009
How do you fill out measurements for acting submission forms?
I have a showcase to get an agent and I have to fill out these forms. What exactly are they asking when it says this:
Sizes:
Blouse/Shirt:
Dress/Coat:
Pants:
Shoes: (I know this one, lol)
Unions:
Thanks!!
How do you fill out measurements for acting submission forms?
Well, they want to know your size. Sometimes, roles that aren't vital are cast according to size of the costume (Gasp, horrors!) depending on the type of the show or role. Disney casts its fur characters primarily based on height and body build. Height is asked because casting directors forget when trying to match actors up for a role.
Sometimes, I have been in a casting sessions where we actually matched the photographs side by side to determine if the romantic leads look good together. We use the height information on the actor's resume to use as a reference.
Unions are usually Actors Equity Association (AEA), Screen Actors Guild (SAG), American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (AFTRA). This allows the agent to determine what kinds of auditions and jobs to submit you for, Different kinds of projects have different union rules they must follow.
Break a leg!
Reply:As your mother. She knows. blouse or shirt, by bust or collar and sleeve
dress or coat, what size do you buy?
pants the size you buy or waist and inseam
If you do not belone to an actor's union, enter 'none'.
Reply:sizes: put the clothing size you wear
blouse/shirt: shirt size (xs, s, m, l)
Dress /coat: put the size you wear in dresses
pants: put your pants size
You can just go into your closet and take a look at the tags on most of your clothes or ask a parent to help you.
Reply:-Sizes are basic, you can probably figure these out from the size of clothes you wear (XXS-XXL)
-Blouse/Shirt: Usually either the size shirt you wear or your neck size.
Dress/Coat: Size dress you wear (Usually about your pant size, maybe a little bigger)
-Pants: 0-14 is for women's pants, 6-16 for girls.
-Unions are only for actors and you should probably just put none/leave it blank. Once you're more experienced, you may work in a union film like Screen Actors Guild (SAG) or AFTRA. So for now, don't worry about that.
Good luck! Hope everything works out!
Reply:If they ask for SIZES, they want the NUMBER size you'd typically buy at a store. Words like "small", "medium", etc. are NOT helpful. If you're a child, teen, or woman, it would be numbers like 2, 6, 9 Petite, 16, etc. (for blouse, dress, and pants), and if you're an adult male, it would be numbers like 38R, 40L (coat chest measurement and length), 32/33 (pants waist/length), 15.5/33 (shirt neck/sleeve length).
Women's sizes are coded, while men's are based upon their actual measurements. You can just use the numbers out of the back of DRESS CLOTHING that FITS YOU PROPERLY. If it's too baggy or too tight, it won't be helpful. Or, ask someone to measure your bust, waist, and hips (in inches) with a measuring tape, and look up on a clothing store's standard sizes chart to see which size you are. A lot of women and girls are a different size on the top than on the bottom. Men and boys tend to not differ too much because they are less curvy.
People's sizes change over time, but this gives casting directors a basic idea of your body type and size, which can be very important in some roles. Update the information when your body changes significantly, and whatever you do, DON'T LIE. Wardrobe will usually contact you after you've been hired to get more detailed and current information.
Sizes:
Blouse/Shirt:
Dress/Coat:
Pants:
Shoes: (I know this one, lol)
Unions:
Thanks!!
How do you fill out measurements for acting submission forms?
Well, they want to know your size. Sometimes, roles that aren't vital are cast according to size of the costume (Gasp, horrors!) depending on the type of the show or role. Disney casts its fur characters primarily based on height and body build. Height is asked because casting directors forget when trying to match actors up for a role.
Sometimes, I have been in a casting sessions where we actually matched the photographs side by side to determine if the romantic leads look good together. We use the height information on the actor's resume to use as a reference.
Unions are usually Actors Equity Association (AEA), Screen Actors Guild (SAG), American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (AFTRA). This allows the agent to determine what kinds of auditions and jobs to submit you for, Different kinds of projects have different union rules they must follow.
Break a leg!
Reply:As your mother. She knows. blouse or shirt, by bust or collar and sleeve
dress or coat, what size do you buy?
pants the size you buy or waist and inseam
If you do not belone to an actor's union, enter 'none'.
Reply:sizes: put the clothing size you wear
blouse/shirt: shirt size (xs, s, m, l)
Dress /coat: put the size you wear in dresses
pants: put your pants size
You can just go into your closet and take a look at the tags on most of your clothes or ask a parent to help you.
Reply:-Sizes are basic, you can probably figure these out from the size of clothes you wear (XXS-XXL)
-Blouse/Shirt: Usually either the size shirt you wear or your neck size.
Dress/Coat: Size dress you wear (Usually about your pant size, maybe a little bigger)
-Pants: 0-14 is for women's pants, 6-16 for girls.
-Unions are only for actors and you should probably just put none/leave it blank. Once you're more experienced, you may work in a union film like Screen Actors Guild (SAG) or AFTRA. So for now, don't worry about that.
Good luck! Hope everything works out!
Reply:If they ask for SIZES, they want the NUMBER size you'd typically buy at a store. Words like "small", "medium", etc. are NOT helpful. If you're a child, teen, or woman, it would be numbers like 2, 6, 9 Petite, 16, etc. (for blouse, dress, and pants), and if you're an adult male, it would be numbers like 38R, 40L (coat chest measurement and length), 32/33 (pants waist/length), 15.5/33 (shirt neck/sleeve length).
Women's sizes are coded, while men's are based upon their actual measurements. You can just use the numbers out of the back of DRESS CLOTHING that FITS YOU PROPERLY. If it's too baggy or too tight, it won't be helpful. Or, ask someone to measure your bust, waist, and hips (in inches) with a measuring tape, and look up on a clothing store's standard sizes chart to see which size you are. A lot of women and girls are a different size on the top than on the bottom. Men and boys tend to not differ too much because they are less curvy.
People's sizes change over time, but this gives casting directors a basic idea of your body type and size, which can be very important in some roles. Update the information when your body changes significantly, and whatever you do, DON'T LIE. Wardrobe will usually contact you after you've been hired to get more detailed and current information.
What is the best way to clean the foot pad of sandles?
I bought a pair of used Birkenstock sandles (online auction)and the foot area is black. Before I throw them away, I thought I would ask if anyone knows a good cleaning agent to use on these sandles.. The straps are leather, don't know what the foot pad is, but below it is cork and then rubber. These are expensive shoes, but I won't put my foot on them in this condition.
What is the best way to clean the foot pad of sandles?
You could try saddle soap and then dry them in the sun. That should kill germs too.
Reply:Use Birkenstock Footbed Cleaner (available only in the Birkenstock Deluxe Shoe Care Kit) to prolong the life of your footwear. This special formula penetrates the footbed to remove odors, dirt, oils, and perspiration. Please note: although we buy only the highest quality leather and test it for colorfastness, dyed leathers will sometimes shed their color. Please be very careful with delicate or light colored socks, especially when your footwear is new! You can also use Birkenstock Leather Protector to minimize dark leather footbed liners from shedding their color.
Reply:Febreeze and a stiff wire brush. Worked for me!
What is the best way to clean the foot pad of sandles?
You could try saddle soap and then dry them in the sun. That should kill germs too.
Reply:Use Birkenstock Footbed Cleaner (available only in the Birkenstock Deluxe Shoe Care Kit) to prolong the life of your footwear. This special formula penetrates the footbed to remove odors, dirt, oils, and perspiration. Please note: although we buy only the highest quality leather and test it for colorfastness, dyed leathers will sometimes shed their color. Please be very careful with delicate or light colored socks, especially when your footwear is new! You can also use Birkenstock Leather Protector to minimize dark leather footbed liners from shedding their color.
Reply:Febreeze and a stiff wire brush. Worked for me!
Can you tell me how i would contact a modeling agent. I am 5'11 w/o shoes. I'm sz 14/16 shoe sz 11.?
Your too big
Can you tell me how i would contact a modeling agent. I am 5'11 w/o shoes. I'm sz 14/16 shoe sz 11.?
look one up on www.yell.co.uk ?
Reply:it really depends if ur facial structure is "in" or "classic" and how much u weigh. n/o but a 14-16 is kinda big 4 a model, but i dont know u so i cant really tell. o and u have 2 have clear skin and a good weight and good proportions also exotic is good
Reply:u need to lose weight. Even the plus size models start at size 6.
Can you tell me how i would contact a modeling agent. I am 5'11 w/o shoes. I'm sz 14/16 shoe sz 11.?
look one up on www.yell.co.uk ?
Reply:it really depends if ur facial structure is "in" or "classic" and how much u weigh. n/o but a 14-16 is kinda big 4 a model, but i dont know u so i cant really tell. o and u have 2 have clear skin and a good weight and good proportions also exotic is good
Reply:u need to lose weight. Even the plus size models start at size 6.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)