http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/ap/20070...
The summary to those who don't want to read the link. She is evil for not taking her shoes of at some Hindu ritual during her wedding.
It's kind of funny, but at the same time is a good reminder as to why religious dogma is so f ing idiotic.
Is Elizabeth Hurley an agent of the d evil?
she's hot- definitely on my list.... Oh you know what list I'm talking about jeeze!!
Reply:I don't think it's really dogma that's at issue so much as respect. How attached is she to those shoes? Maybe something went wrong in planning like he never mentioned that would happen. Who knows. But...if I visit somebody's temple I will do what is customary there out of respect.
But God could never ever hold a grudge against such a beautiful woman.
Reply:All I can think of is her juicy knockers.
Anything else about her means nothing to me.
Reply:Yeah, very true. Richard Gere kissed a TV show host on the cheek, and India is trying to crucify the poor guy.
Reply:If this is such a big deal, why didnt her husband tell her, "by the way dear, dont do such and such its an insult."?
Reply:if it's so idiotic then why do you care if she took off her shoes or not??
Reply:Elizabeth Hurley, mmmmmmm, she can shred her clothes AND every religious dogma as far as I'm concerned. yummy.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Liberal Republicans: What do you think about: "Fidel Castro Leading Cuba's Biggest Anti-American March"?
Wearing white tennis shoes and his trademark olive-green military garb, Castro strode off at exactly 8 a.m. (8 a.m. EDT) at the head of a sea of demonstrators marching past Washington's diplomatic mission on Havana's sea-front Malecon boulevard.
The march was billed by the ruling Communist Party as a protest against all U.S. ``aggressions and crimes'' since Castro's 1959 revolution -- ranging from the long-running economic embargo to this year's jailing of five Cuban agents, accused of spy-related charges.
``Down with the genocidal blockade! ... End the terrorism against Cuba! ... Free the heroes who defend their people from death!'' chanted the marchers, waving flags and wearing T-shirts with pictures of the five agents jailed in Miami.
The state-organized protest was the centerpiece of national celebrations of the 48th anniversary of Castro's July 26, 1953, attack on the Moncada Barracks, a botched operation that nevertheless launched his armed uprising against former Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista.
The 74-year-old Castro, whose June 23 fainting at a public rally fueled rumors over his health and speculation about who would succeed him, looked stern-faced but healthy.
Castro marched in the sun beside members of a visiting Iranian delegation and other senior Cuban communist leaders.
Liberal Republicans: What do you think about: "Fidel Castro Leading Cuba's Biggest Anti-American March"?
They want you to send them information so they can join that march.
Reply:Cuba has no value.
Reply:Well as a Capitalist/Libertarian..I really don't think much about it at all, other than I laugh at the fact the STATE has to organize and lead these so called protests.
What I DO think about is how GREAT Cuba will once again be after the Beard and his cronies become room Temp, and the silly, ineffective sanctions end.
Fidel secretly Thanks God for the USA every damned day, for the US is the PRIME reason Fidel is still there. These silly and misguided sanctions have given him all the ammo he needs to keep a people focused on an alien causation of their problems, and ignorant to the internal oppression that has made what was once the wealthiest country in the Caribbean now one of the poorest.
Cuba and her people have a greatness Fidel has squandered for far to long, and sadly US Politicians have parlayed the Cuban situation into Votes at home and have no intention of upsetting this generational vote producing apple cart by lifting sanctions and showing the Cuban people exactly what they have been missing.
Wealth and prosperity for Cuba are just moments away with the Beards death, and with sensible, open market, non-interference politics from the US. Viva La Capitalism!
Reply:Bush is too busy not finding bin Laden to care about Castro or his human rights violations.
Reply:If I were Fidel, I would be looking towards Venezuela, not the US for the next invasion of Cuba. Chavez has a real preoccupation towards Cuba, especially since old Fidal almost checked out a couple of months ago. Chavez knows that Raul isn't strong enough to hold it together, so he figured it would be easy pickins once Fidel crapped out.
The old buzzard fooled everyone, even me and Chavez! I just want to open a casino there when Fidel is pushing the grass, up ! Chavez, on the other hand, sees some serious competition with Iran romancing Fidel. He doesn't like it one bit, after all, the N. American continent is his turf, he doesn't go around the middle east raising hell, why does Ahmadinejad have to come here and spoil Chavez's agenda !
Reply:It's "much ado about nothing", in my opinion. Just another in an endless array of marches since Fidel came to power. Seen one, you've seen them all.
Reply:He did well,it was a great show.
Reply:Ya lost me at ''liberal republicans".
Reply:Hopefully he will drop dead in the Cuban heat.
Reply:The only thing Cuban worth a crap is a cigar.
.
Reply:Even though I'm a conservative, Fidel kicks as much *** as Hugo Chavez and Chuck Norris.
Reply:Thanks the American Blockade, Cuba is so poor and it is used for Prisions like Guantanamo, or as an international red whore house... where sex workers are called Jineteras, and Campesinos are called Guajiros,... In other words, Cuba is enslaved by the Mexican-American New World Order Empire.
Reply:After the end of the Cold war, Cuba became a Banana Republic and Ex-CIA Fidel Castro Ruz became a Banana Puppet . The Blockade is needed to exploit Cubans.
Reply:Just shows who his friends are...Was Pelosi invited???
Castro has lead many Anti-American rallies..No one pays him any attention, except those that are our enemies ( Iran)
Reply:Don't fool ourselves with all the past interference concerning dop and torture camps, school of Americas - we are in big trouble. Even England, Wales and Italy wants the torture camps stopped as rising anti-Am is rising all over thks to u-no-who.
The march was billed by the ruling Communist Party as a protest against all U.S. ``aggressions and crimes'' since Castro's 1959 revolution -- ranging from the long-running economic embargo to this year's jailing of five Cuban agents, accused of spy-related charges.
``Down with the genocidal blockade! ... End the terrorism against Cuba! ... Free the heroes who defend their people from death!'' chanted the marchers, waving flags and wearing T-shirts with pictures of the five agents jailed in Miami.
The state-organized protest was the centerpiece of national celebrations of the 48th anniversary of Castro's July 26, 1953, attack on the Moncada Barracks, a botched operation that nevertheless launched his armed uprising against former Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista.
The 74-year-old Castro, whose June 23 fainting at a public rally fueled rumors over his health and speculation about who would succeed him, looked stern-faced but healthy.
Castro marched in the sun beside members of a visiting Iranian delegation and other senior Cuban communist leaders.
Liberal Republicans: What do you think about: "Fidel Castro Leading Cuba's Biggest Anti-American March"?
They want you to send them information so they can join that march.
Reply:Cuba has no value.
Reply:Well as a Capitalist/Libertarian..I really don't think much about it at all, other than I laugh at the fact the STATE has to organize and lead these so called protests.
What I DO think about is how GREAT Cuba will once again be after the Beard and his cronies become room Temp, and the silly, ineffective sanctions end.
Fidel secretly Thanks God for the USA every damned day, for the US is the PRIME reason Fidel is still there. These silly and misguided sanctions have given him all the ammo he needs to keep a people focused on an alien causation of their problems, and ignorant to the internal oppression that has made what was once the wealthiest country in the Caribbean now one of the poorest.
Cuba and her people have a greatness Fidel has squandered for far to long, and sadly US Politicians have parlayed the Cuban situation into Votes at home and have no intention of upsetting this generational vote producing apple cart by lifting sanctions and showing the Cuban people exactly what they have been missing.
Wealth and prosperity for Cuba are just moments away with the Beards death, and with sensible, open market, non-interference politics from the US. Viva La Capitalism!
Reply:Bush is too busy not finding bin Laden to care about Castro or his human rights violations.
Reply:If I were Fidel, I would be looking towards Venezuela, not the US for the next invasion of Cuba. Chavez has a real preoccupation towards Cuba, especially since old Fidal almost checked out a couple of months ago. Chavez knows that Raul isn't strong enough to hold it together, so he figured it would be easy pickins once Fidel crapped out.
The old buzzard fooled everyone, even me and Chavez! I just want to open a casino there when Fidel is pushing the grass, up ! Chavez, on the other hand, sees some serious competition with Iran romancing Fidel. He doesn't like it one bit, after all, the N. American continent is his turf, he doesn't go around the middle east raising hell, why does Ahmadinejad have to come here and spoil Chavez's agenda !
Reply:It's "much ado about nothing", in my opinion. Just another in an endless array of marches since Fidel came to power. Seen one, you've seen them all.
Reply:He did well,it was a great show.
Reply:Ya lost me at ''liberal republicans".
Reply:Hopefully he will drop dead in the Cuban heat.
Reply:The only thing Cuban worth a crap is a cigar.
.
Reply:Even though I'm a conservative, Fidel kicks as much *** as Hugo Chavez and Chuck Norris.
Reply:Thanks the American Blockade, Cuba is so poor and it is used for Prisions like Guantanamo, or as an international red whore house... where sex workers are called Jineteras, and Campesinos are called Guajiros,... In other words, Cuba is enslaved by the Mexican-American New World Order Empire.
Reply:After the end of the Cold war, Cuba became a Banana Republic and Ex-CIA Fidel Castro Ruz became a Banana Puppet . The Blockade is needed to exploit Cubans.
Reply:Just shows who his friends are...Was Pelosi invited???
Castro has lead many Anti-American rallies..No one pays him any attention, except those that are our enemies ( Iran)
Reply:Don't fool ourselves with all the past interference concerning dop and torture camps, school of Americas - we are in big trouble. Even England, Wales and Italy wants the torture camps stopped as rising anti-Am is rising all over thks to u-no-who.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
taurus in the house. lol
i guess it ..kinda sounds like me
(im not only saying that cuz taurus sounds bad there)
but.. it's partly true.. the other half is like "wat? o.O`"
Reply:OMG this was so true for me (taurus) and I know a little bit about astrology and I found it SOO true. ALL OF IT! HILARIOUS. Report It
Reply:Please tell me where you found this! Report It
Reply:hilarious, silly very exaggerated but apparently necessary to keep anyone reading . i hope u found funny. but if not please do not write such fabricated and fictional stories that are so unheard of Report It
Reply:I am a Cancer and that didn't really sound like me. A few parts, but not really.
Reply:not all of it, i am always changing my mind, im on meds, but im not a partier, im quiet, im a good driver
Gemini
Reply:I think you have a Bundle o' Problems. :)
Reply:capricorn and very true on some things
Reply:I'm a libra, and it is semi-accurate (not completely, though).
Reply:yes i am saggi and some of it is true...very true infact
Reply:cancer
Reply:Sag, and that's 100% correct.
Reply:Im Virgo, and im the opposite lol!! I was born on the cusp of Libra though, so i'll read that one and come back . .
Uh, no. not true either lol!!
Reply:thanks so im a sagi born into the wrong gender. i think i shall throw expensive food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but maby u have a point. my avatar is male and i am female
Reply:Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
nope i dont see anything similar except i am very stylish... lol jk
Reply:I am a Scorpia and yes it is true.
Reply:The Taurus one doesn't sound like me at all, sorry.
Reply:im Libran... and no.. im not that kind of person as mentioned.. lol
Reply:i'm virgo..yup
Reply:Some was true! Some definitely was not!
Reply:Gemini, no that dosent describe me.
Reply:am a Leo !!!
think i am gonna go kill myself now
all the best
Ian :)
Reply:pisces..so true!! especially:
You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like.
You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address.
many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ***
Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck.
Reply:I'm a taurean.
i'm completely open n honest. i've grown t b somewhat comfortable wit myself, i'm a nature girl, i'm very passive cuz i'm skinny n couldn't win if i tried t fight, i second guess my inner beauty as i think i'm imperfect n somewhat insufficient, but with almost every person i meet, i am reassured i'm a beautiful spirit, so no, it's not true, i don't think my zodiac sign defines me, but socialization does.
Reply:Taurus
Some true some not.. I'm a mix of all i guess
Reply:scorpio. no not at all
Reply:OMGAWDDDDD !!!!!!!! that was hilarious... (Scorpio) here
I really do eat coffee out of the bag with a spoon, no kidding.. I don't swear (alot), or hack, or play lottery. I have a high sex drive, and don't ever tell me that Star Trek isn't real , or Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, or all those movies I love..
and yes, I am waiting to be abducted by aliens.. but they don't find me much of a challenge..or interesting.
I don't smoke...
Reply:leo
i do do the things about tlkin like buttin in to convos n i thought bout lockin my bf up in the bathroom cupboard but i wus extremly shocked because all the things about leos being physco, crazy, and self-absorbed are far from the truth! its crazy to post such rude things n u should b ashamed of urself. this was the rudest thing ive read on this website.
i agree w/ erin this is mean!
that necrophillia (learn to spell) thing was extremly disgusting! n how would u possibly kno (u or the stupid person u got this from) those kind of statistics! ur insane n u probably have tons o problems!
o n also i may b loud buh i dont have a cleft upper lip, slimmy nose, n i sure as HECK dont crap under trees...
Reply:libra. all true.
Reply:i am an aries and im stubborn as hell... so that much is right.. my best friend is a scorpio and we get on great so that bit is wrpng.,.
Reply:I am an Aquarius... Most of what u said was true... dude, man that was some real $hit...
Reply:I'm a Pisces. Only a couple things could be true if you tried to compare to a rare event in my life. But mostly, not even close.
But, a friend of mine who is very into astrology says I am very unlike a Pisces and was probably meant to be something else.
Reply:picsec or summin like that
Reply:Wow, reading this I wish I wasn't a Saggitarian. All the things about being a Saggitarian were negative! THUNDERPOOPER? Although that might be true. :0 I am not a true adventurer!
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Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
taurus in the house. lol
i guess it ..kinda sounds like me
(im not only saying that cuz taurus sounds bad there)
but.. it's partly true.. the other half is like "wat? o.O`"
Reply:OMG this was so true for me (taurus) and I know a little bit about astrology and I found it SOO true. ALL OF IT! HILARIOUS. Report It
Reply:Please tell me where you found this! Report It
Reply:hilarious, silly very exaggerated but apparently necessary to keep anyone reading . i hope u found funny. but if not please do not write such fabricated and fictional stories that are so unheard of Report It
Reply:I am a Cancer and that didn't really sound like me. A few parts, but not really.
Reply:not all of it, i am always changing my mind, im on meds, but im not a partier, im quiet, im a good driver
Gemini
Reply:I think you have a Bundle o' Problems. :)
Reply:capricorn and very true on some things
Reply:I'm a libra, and it is semi-accurate (not completely, though).
Reply:yes i am saggi and some of it is true...very true infact
Reply:cancer
Reply:Sag, and that's 100% correct.
Reply:Im Virgo, and im the opposite lol!! I was born on the cusp of Libra though, so i'll read that one and come back . .
Uh, no. not true either lol!!
Reply:thanks so im a sagi born into the wrong gender. i think i shall throw expensive food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but maby u have a point. my avatar is male and i am female
Reply:Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
nope i dont see anything similar except i am very stylish... lol jk
Reply:I am a Scorpia and yes it is true.
Reply:The Taurus one doesn't sound like me at all, sorry.
Reply:im Libran... and no.. im not that kind of person as mentioned.. lol
Reply:i'm virgo..yup
Reply:Some was true! Some definitely was not!
Reply:Gemini, no that dosent describe me.
Reply:am a Leo !!!
think i am gonna go kill myself now
all the best
Ian :)
Reply:pisces..so true!! especially:
You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like.
You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address.
many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ***
Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck.
Reply:I'm a taurean.
i'm completely open n honest. i've grown t b somewhat comfortable wit myself, i'm a nature girl, i'm very passive cuz i'm skinny n couldn't win if i tried t fight, i second guess my inner beauty as i think i'm imperfect n somewhat insufficient, but with almost every person i meet, i am reassured i'm a beautiful spirit, so no, it's not true, i don't think my zodiac sign defines me, but socialization does.
Reply:Taurus
Some true some not.. I'm a mix of all i guess
Reply:scorpio. no not at all
Reply:OMGAWDDDDD !!!!!!!! that was hilarious... (Scorpio) here
I really do eat coffee out of the bag with a spoon, no kidding.. I don't swear (alot), or hack, or play lottery. I have a high sex drive, and don't ever tell me that Star Trek isn't real , or Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, or all those movies I love..
and yes, I am waiting to be abducted by aliens.. but they don't find me much of a challenge..or interesting.
I don't smoke...
Reply:leo
i do do the things about tlkin like buttin in to convos n i thought bout lockin my bf up in the bathroom cupboard but i wus extremly shocked because all the things about leos being physco, crazy, and self-absorbed are far from the truth! its crazy to post such rude things n u should b ashamed of urself. this was the rudest thing ive read on this website.
i agree w/ erin this is mean!
that necrophillia (learn to spell) thing was extremly disgusting! n how would u possibly kno (u or the stupid person u got this from) those kind of statistics! ur insane n u probably have tons o problems!
o n also i may b loud buh i dont have a cleft upper lip, slimmy nose, n i sure as HECK dont crap under trees...
Reply:libra. all true.
Reply:i am an aries and im stubborn as hell... so that much is right.. my best friend is a scorpio and we get on great so that bit is wrpng.,.
Reply:I am an Aquarius... Most of what u said was true... dude, man that was some real $hit...
Reply:I'm a Pisces. Only a couple things could be true if you tried to compare to a rare event in my life. But mostly, not even close.
But, a friend of mine who is very into astrology says I am very unlike a Pisces and was probably meant to be something else.
Reply:picsec or summin like that
Reply:Wow, reading this I wish I wasn't a Saggitarian. All the things about being a Saggitarian were negative! THUNDERPOOPER? Although that might be true. :0 I am not a true adventurer!
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So I think I got it...my new home; first time buyer...?
Well last week I asked whether or not my good faith commitment letter was solid or not. Now my question is it really mine? I signed the POS and then my real estate agent went to Vegas without dropping it off. However my check for a good faith offer of $500. has been cashed and my bank stated it will only take 3 days from the time they get the POS and my condo docs to order the appraisal and send a commitment letter. Also we are yo yoing w/the closing date but the latest is March 15. The bank says they will be ready by the 5th. So I did it right? It is mine all mine? I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop, so I just need a little back up. I know a lot of you have way more knowledge on these matters then I do, and I really want to start packing. What do you think? Thanks so much for any and all thoughts!!!!!!
So I think I got it...my new home; first time buyer...?
Whats up with your agent?
He left without dropping off your contracts.
I would be p$%%ed, What kind of agent is he/she? I would have second thoughts about using an agent who left for vacation with out dropping off my contracts, or at least leaving the file in good hands for another agent to take over.
None the less, it sounds like you will close, everything sounds good, but as stated above, its not a deal until funds transfer hands.
Good luck,
RE Agent,
Remax
Reply:It's not yours until you go to closing. Right now, it sounds like you made your offer and it was accepted so far.
Reply:http://www.breakingbubble.com/
The shoe will drop after you find out your are under water.
Best of luck
Reply:Nothing is transferred until the close. Only when the funds exchange hands does the property exchange hands. Too many things can happen so I would not say for sure this is a done deal. Contact your realtor's boss - see what they say. If there's money around someone will know where it is.
So I think I got it...my new home; first time buyer...?
Whats up with your agent?
He left without dropping off your contracts.
I would be p$%%ed, What kind of agent is he/she? I would have second thoughts about using an agent who left for vacation with out dropping off my contracts, or at least leaving the file in good hands for another agent to take over.
None the less, it sounds like you will close, everything sounds good, but as stated above, its not a deal until funds transfer hands.
Good luck,
RE Agent,
Remax
Reply:It's not yours until you go to closing. Right now, it sounds like you made your offer and it was accepted so far.
Reply:http://www.breakingbubble.com/
The shoe will drop after you find out your are under water.
Best of luck
Reply:Nothing is transferred until the close. Only when the funds exchange hands does the property exchange hands. Too many things can happen so I would not say for sure this is a done deal. Contact your realtor's boss - see what they say. If there's money around someone will know where it is.
Science QUIZ!!!!!!!?
: What was presented itself as a problem during early blood tests? (Around 1875)
microscopic examination could not be applied to dried blood
all of these
human blood could not be distinguished from animal blood
blood types could not be identified
2: Can a person with type A blood safely be transfused with type O blood?
Yes
No
--
--
3: Your blood type appears only in your blood.
True
False
--
--
4: DNA is found wherever red blood cells are present.
True
False
--
--
5: What system used by the FBI compiles DNA of known violent offenders from all over the nation and can be used to match DNA with a sample found at a crime scene?
AFIS
DNAW
CODIS
CDDB
6: A person with RH protein on their blood cells can be infused with blood without the RH protein.
True
False
--
--
7: Take this scenario: A woman gets out of bed, watches TV, talks on the phone, pets her cat, and then shoots her husband. She hides the gun and runs away. Which object would be most useful to the forensic serologist in finding out who the woman was?
the TV
the cat
the phone
the TV remote
8: You can alter your DNA so it will appear to be different.
True
False
--
--
9: Why is adequate lighting important when photographing evidence?
To ensure the fingerprints are clearly captured
To uncover latent fingerprints
To get a good close-up shot of the evidence
--
10: Why is it so important for investigators to secure a crime scene?
To stop police from entering the crime scene
To stop unauthorized personnel from entering the crime scene and, in turn, destroying the evidence.
To stop evidence from escaping
--
11: What important aspects about a person can a shoe print reveal?
The person’s age and personality
The type of weapon they carried
The person’s height, gait and the direction they entered and exited the crime scene.
--
12: What happens to evidence once it has been found?
It is sealed in a bag or airtight container, labeled, recorded
It is destroyed and thrown away
It is taken straight to the laboratory
--
13: Forensic odontologists specialize in:
The examination of evidence
The examination of bugs
The examination of teeth
--
14: What are thymine, cytosine, adenine and guanine?
Agents used when recovering latent fingerprints
Bases that make up a strand of DNA
Poisonous chemicals that may be present once a building has been burned down.
--
15: The term �rigor mortis’ refers to:
The Latin word for �responsible for death’
A term used to describe the stiffening of the body after death.
The death of a person
--
16: What is polygraph testing?
Measure the body’s response to stress
Measuring the body’s response to crime scene photos
Measuring the body’s response to interview questions
--
17: What is a method used to recover latent fingerprints?
Dyes and stains
Powders and tape
A chemistry unit
--
18: A toxicologist is responsible for:
Examining the organs during an autopsy
Testing blood and bodily fluids for alcohol, illegal substances and poisoning
Investigating whether a person died of natural causes
--
19: Which of the following are the basic fingerprint patterns?
Scar, whorl and loop
Whorl, loop and arch
Scar, loop and arch
Tent, Scar and loop
20: What statement is true?
No two firearms produce the same unique marks on fired bullets and cartridge cases.
Study of bullets and cartridges can on tell you the type of gun it came from not the specific gun.
Firearms normally change over time so the firearm test needs to be completed with in a year or so of the crime.
All firearms leave consistent reproducible marks.
Science QUIZ!!!!!!!?
Is this your homework? Im not doing your homework for you thats cheating
Reply:I'm NOT helping you cheat. Go do your HW and study. FYI, you can't cheat through life.
Reply:1 all of these
2 yes
3 false
4 false because red blood doesn't contain DNA but it would have to be a really tiny amount of blood to have no DNA.
5 codis
6
7 the phone
8 false
9 to get a good closeup
10 to stop unauthorized people destroying contaminating evidence
11 height gate direction
12 sealed labeled stored
13 teeth
14 bases
15 stiff body after death
16 response to stress
17 powders and tape
18 testing
19 whorl loop arch ?
20 all firearms leave consistent reproducible marks from the firing pin and the groves in the rifling.
Reply:1. all of these
2 yes
3 false
4 true
5 don't know. eBay?
6 true
7 the husband. He knows what she looks like. (you didn't say she killed him)
8 true. If a person has an organ transplant, that organ will have different DNA
9 all of the above
10 all of the above
11 the person's height, gait, and direction
12 That depends. If it's New York city, it gets destroyed. If it's a small hicks-ville police department, the contents of the plastic bag might be misconstrued to be the chief's lunch.
13 examine teeth
14 make up DNA
15 stiffening of body after death
16 body response to interview questions
17 powders and tape
18 all of the above
19 whorl, loop and arch
20 all guns leave consistent reproducible marks
microscopic examination could not be applied to dried blood
all of these
human blood could not be distinguished from animal blood
blood types could not be identified
2: Can a person with type A blood safely be transfused with type O blood?
Yes
No
--
--
3: Your blood type appears only in your blood.
True
False
--
--
4: DNA is found wherever red blood cells are present.
True
False
--
--
5: What system used by the FBI compiles DNA of known violent offenders from all over the nation and can be used to match DNA with a sample found at a crime scene?
AFIS
DNAW
CODIS
CDDB
6: A person with RH protein on their blood cells can be infused with blood without the RH protein.
True
False
--
--
7: Take this scenario: A woman gets out of bed, watches TV, talks on the phone, pets her cat, and then shoots her husband. She hides the gun and runs away. Which object would be most useful to the forensic serologist in finding out who the woman was?
the TV
the cat
the phone
the TV remote
8: You can alter your DNA so it will appear to be different.
True
False
--
--
9: Why is adequate lighting important when photographing evidence?
To ensure the fingerprints are clearly captured
To uncover latent fingerprints
To get a good close-up shot of the evidence
--
10: Why is it so important for investigators to secure a crime scene?
To stop police from entering the crime scene
To stop unauthorized personnel from entering the crime scene and, in turn, destroying the evidence.
To stop evidence from escaping
--
11: What important aspects about a person can a shoe print reveal?
The person’s age and personality
The type of weapon they carried
The person’s height, gait and the direction they entered and exited the crime scene.
--
12: What happens to evidence once it has been found?
It is sealed in a bag or airtight container, labeled, recorded
It is destroyed and thrown away
It is taken straight to the laboratory
--
13: Forensic odontologists specialize in:
The examination of evidence
The examination of bugs
The examination of teeth
--
14: What are thymine, cytosine, adenine and guanine?
Agents used when recovering latent fingerprints
Bases that make up a strand of DNA
Poisonous chemicals that may be present once a building has been burned down.
--
15: The term �rigor mortis’ refers to:
The Latin word for �responsible for death’
A term used to describe the stiffening of the body after death.
The death of a person
--
16: What is polygraph testing?
Measure the body’s response to stress
Measuring the body’s response to crime scene photos
Measuring the body’s response to interview questions
--
17: What is a method used to recover latent fingerprints?
Dyes and stains
Powders and tape
A chemistry unit
--
18: A toxicologist is responsible for:
Examining the organs during an autopsy
Testing blood and bodily fluids for alcohol, illegal substances and poisoning
Investigating whether a person died of natural causes
--
19: Which of the following are the basic fingerprint patterns?
Scar, whorl and loop
Whorl, loop and arch
Scar, loop and arch
Tent, Scar and loop
20: What statement is true?
No two firearms produce the same unique marks on fired bullets and cartridge cases.
Study of bullets and cartridges can on tell you the type of gun it came from not the specific gun.
Firearms normally change over time so the firearm test needs to be completed with in a year or so of the crime.
All firearms leave consistent reproducible marks.
Science QUIZ!!!!!!!?
Is this your homework? Im not doing your homework for you thats cheating
Reply:I'm NOT helping you cheat. Go do your HW and study. FYI, you can't cheat through life.
Reply:1 all of these
2 yes
3 false
4 false because red blood doesn't contain DNA but it would have to be a really tiny amount of blood to have no DNA.
5 codis
6
7 the phone
8 false
9 to get a good closeup
10 to stop unauthorized people destroying contaminating evidence
11 height gate direction
12 sealed labeled stored
13 teeth
14 bases
15 stiff body after death
16 response to stress
17 powders and tape
18 testing
19 whorl loop arch ?
20 all firearms leave consistent reproducible marks from the firing pin and the groves in the rifling.
Reply:1. all of these
2 yes
3 false
4 true
5 don't know. eBay?
6 true
7 the husband. He knows what she looks like. (you didn't say she killed him)
8 true. If a person has an organ transplant, that organ will have different DNA
9 all of the above
10 all of the above
11 the person's height, gait, and direction
12 That depends. If it's New York city, it gets destroyed. If it's a small hicks-ville police department, the contents of the plastic bag might be misconstrued to be the chief's lunch.
13 examine teeth
14 make up DNA
15 stiffening of body after death
16 body response to interview questions
17 powders and tape
18 all of the above
19 whorl, loop and arch
20 all guns leave consistent reproducible marks
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
I’m a Sagittarius!! Damn ******* TRUE!
Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
Gemini
And no it's not true about me
Reply:Hellz yeah! :] Report It
Reply:teh who are you callin pain in the *** none of that is true about me and i'am a virgo iam very sloppy i dont give a **** and i dnt make up lame jokes like that u ****** got my mad **** you you ****** dumb ****!!!! i dont clean and i aint a pain in the *** iam very unorganized Report It
Reply:im an born on the cusp making me capercorn and aquarius my moon is in aquarius and my rising is leo
i agreee with the leo aquarius and ccapricorn definition! Report It
Reply:LMAO!!! I am Pisces hear me roar! Screw Leo! LOL J/K! But it is close to me with a few things different but I think that is more to do with the other signs in my chart. 1st is I have internal GPS so I can find my way out of anywhere and 2nd I can find the little dipper to! LOL Yes I do debate things but my favorite come back to people is prove your side because when they can't then who is to say that I am wrong? OH and yes I have a great sense of humor and I can be very sarcastic in a funny way though but I can also unleash the asshole if the situation arises. One thing I have been told is I am horrible to get into a argument with because I don't hold back and I go right for the jugular. But to me if some one wants to start something then you get what you ask for so simply put don't start crap if you don't want to hear things that hurt. Just to point out I will never start an argument ever i would rather just let it go but people sometime persist in it so I want to finish it.
Reply:Aquarius--That was the most entertaining horoscope ever! Although it wasn't entirely true, I do love to be naked. When I was younger, I was often jealous of men because it is socially acceptable for them to walk around topless.
Reply:I'm sag, and there are bits that are true, but not all of it.
You don't really believe that Jesus was a Capricorn, do you?
Reply:Cover up the signs, and each one applies/doesn't apply just as much as the next. No, my sign isn't very accurate.
Reply:HAHAHA Thats the most funniest star signs shite i ever read
im a Aries and your sooo full of shite..well kinda, lol
actually i agree with alot about you said about Taurus, thats so damn true (i cant stand them anyway)
and Geminis" Geminis vandalize their own houses" HAHAHAAAAAAA...Man you make me laugh..seeya
Reply:I'm a Sagittarius, and that is SO me (except for the transvestite thing). Especially the whole vomit/pooper thing. I'm like--look, don't act as if you've never done it before! You can stand at the door and listen if you want to, but I wouldn't recommend it! And I've always thought that about New York too, seeing as I'm from there. And also, it really is quite impossible for me to be unhip!
All in all, it was hilarious, lol!
Reply:Capricorn....And no it's not true about me
Reply:Hahaha Im a gemini
I think its all rubbish...
Reply:im a sagittariuos too! im adventurers and and have tons of nicknames. thats about it. i think? did not finish reading.
Reply:Sagitarrius and yes, it is somewhat true.
The Aquarian one is somewhat true for me as well and Aquarius is my rising.
The Leo one is somewhat true as well because Leo is my moon.
I found the Sag one quite humourous.
It is slightly true.
Reply:I'm a Libra, and the only parts I can relate to are: Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. (I'm one of them).
Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. (I couldn't explain that but I still manage to retain a good deal of brain power while drunk, it's true).
Reply:although that was kinda funny, I find it all false. Although the sag one was slightly true! lol and Virgos definitely was the most accurate one out of all of them.
Reply:Im a scorpio and No its not true about me~
Reply:Sagittarius.
hahahahaha. Dude, that's funny!
....because it's true! (Well, most of it)
Also, I have a "friend" who's a Scorpio...and that description couldn't describe her more clearly. HAHA. =))
Where'd you find this? I've been trying to look for something like this, like astrology humor.
Reply:I'm a Libra and this is very true about me but a couple of things you were wrong about.
Reply:LOL Pisces ....to an extent..
**
Reply:I'M A SCORPIO AND THE INFOMATION IS NOT TRUE! U MADE THIS DIDN'T U? LOOK I'M ALREADY MAD AT SOMEONE DON'T MAKE ME EVEN MORE ANGRY!
Reply:Im a Capricorn, Thats not True about me.
Reply:cap. + that is totally not true. whoever made that up really wasted there time..
Reply:ur a funny guy for writing all that. lol im aries i think wait let me check and oh yea it was true because i do have a creative mind.
Reply:LOL, Good chuckle out of that, it was right on the mark! :D
Reply:virgo and it is so true obsessive compulsive cleaner i can not help it
Reply:hahah I'm a pisces.Some of the things aren't me at all.Others are me to a t.
Reply:I'm a Cancer. I read a couple things that were true, but for the most part that description didn't fit me all. Everyone that knows me will tell you that I'm NOBODY'S doormat! I don't tolerate that sh*t for one second. It was an interesting read though. =)
Reply:You bad guy!
Reply:a cancer. basically true but exaggerated to the effect of twisted. its comical, though. =)
Reply:I'm a Gemini, not a schitzo but people do love me, don't moon people but will fight with a child if I have to, and yes I am loud and yes I do want to be heard, don't drive a funny car but have got into a car rick b/c I was busy looking at a this girls big totos while driving
Reply:im a gemini and it's absolutely true to me :)
Reply:Your a loser ! You were so wrong about Cancer's, jerk !
Reply:Is this some kind of joke?
FAIL.
lilac
Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
Gemini
And no it's not true about me
Reply:Hellz yeah! :] Report It
Reply:teh who are you callin pain in the *** none of that is true about me and i'am a virgo iam very sloppy i dont give a **** and i dnt make up lame jokes like that u ****** got my mad **** you you ****** dumb ****!!!! i dont clean and i aint a pain in the *** iam very unorganized Report It
Reply:im an born on the cusp making me capercorn and aquarius my moon is in aquarius and my rising is leo
i agreee with the leo aquarius and ccapricorn definition! Report It
Reply:LMAO!!! I am Pisces hear me roar! Screw Leo! LOL J/K! But it is close to me with a few things different but I think that is more to do with the other signs in my chart. 1st is I have internal GPS so I can find my way out of anywhere and 2nd I can find the little dipper to! LOL Yes I do debate things but my favorite come back to people is prove your side because when they can't then who is to say that I am wrong? OH and yes I have a great sense of humor and I can be very sarcastic in a funny way though but I can also unleash the asshole if the situation arises. One thing I have been told is I am horrible to get into a argument with because I don't hold back and I go right for the jugular. But to me if some one wants to start something then you get what you ask for so simply put don't start crap if you don't want to hear things that hurt. Just to point out I will never start an argument ever i would rather just let it go but people sometime persist in it so I want to finish it.
Reply:Aquarius--That was the most entertaining horoscope ever! Although it wasn't entirely true, I do love to be naked. When I was younger, I was often jealous of men because it is socially acceptable for them to walk around topless.
Reply:I'm sag, and there are bits that are true, but not all of it.
You don't really believe that Jesus was a Capricorn, do you?
Reply:Cover up the signs, and each one applies/doesn't apply just as much as the next. No, my sign isn't very accurate.
Reply:HAHAHA Thats the most funniest star signs shite i ever read
im a Aries and your sooo full of shite..well kinda, lol
actually i agree with alot about you said about Taurus, thats so damn true (i cant stand them anyway)
and Geminis" Geminis vandalize their own houses" HAHAHAAAAAAA...Man you make me laugh..seeya
Reply:I'm a Sagittarius, and that is SO me (except for the transvestite thing). Especially the whole vomit/pooper thing. I'm like--look, don't act as if you've never done it before! You can stand at the door and listen if you want to, but I wouldn't recommend it! And I've always thought that about New York too, seeing as I'm from there. And also, it really is quite impossible for me to be unhip!
All in all, it was hilarious, lol!
Reply:Capricorn....And no it's not true about me
Reply:Hahaha Im a gemini
I think its all rubbish...
Reply:im a sagittariuos too! im adventurers and and have tons of nicknames. thats about it. i think? did not finish reading.
Reply:Sagitarrius and yes, it is somewhat true.
The Aquarian one is somewhat true for me as well and Aquarius is my rising.
The Leo one is somewhat true as well because Leo is my moon.
I found the Sag one quite humourous.
It is slightly true.
Reply:I'm a Libra, and the only parts I can relate to are: Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. (I'm one of them).
Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. (I couldn't explain that but I still manage to retain a good deal of brain power while drunk, it's true).
Reply:although that was kinda funny, I find it all false. Although the sag one was slightly true! lol and Virgos definitely was the most accurate one out of all of them.
Reply:Im a scorpio and No its not true about me~
Reply:Sagittarius.
hahahahaha. Dude, that's funny!
....because it's true! (Well, most of it)
Also, I have a "friend" who's a Scorpio...and that description couldn't describe her more clearly. HAHA. =))
Where'd you find this? I've been trying to look for something like this, like astrology humor.
Reply:I'm a Libra and this is very true about me but a couple of things you were wrong about.
Reply:LOL Pisces ....to an extent..
**
Reply:I'M A SCORPIO AND THE INFOMATION IS NOT TRUE! U MADE THIS DIDN'T U? LOOK I'M ALREADY MAD AT SOMEONE DON'T MAKE ME EVEN MORE ANGRY!
Reply:Im a Capricorn, Thats not True about me.
Reply:cap. + that is totally not true. whoever made that up really wasted there time..
Reply:ur a funny guy for writing all that. lol im aries i think wait let me check and oh yea it was true because i do have a creative mind.
Reply:LOL, Good chuckle out of that, it was right on the mark! :D
Reply:virgo and it is so true obsessive compulsive cleaner i can not help it
Reply:hahah I'm a pisces.Some of the things aren't me at all.Others are me to a t.
Reply:I'm a Cancer. I read a couple things that were true, but for the most part that description didn't fit me all. Everyone that knows me will tell you that I'm NOBODY'S doormat! I don't tolerate that sh*t for one second. It was an interesting read though. =)
Reply:You bad guy!
Reply:a cancer. basically true but exaggerated to the effect of twisted. its comical, though. =)
Reply:I'm a Gemini, not a schitzo but people do love me, don't moon people but will fight with a child if I have to, and yes I am loud and yes I do want to be heard, don't drive a funny car but have got into a car rick b/c I was busy looking at a this girls big totos while driving
Reply:im a gemini and it's absolutely true to me :)
Reply:Your a loser ! You were so wrong about Cancer's, jerk !
Reply:Is this some kind of joke?
FAIL.
lilac
Lost Baggage Southwest Airlines!!!!!?
Yesterday, flying from Orlando to Raleigh-Durham, I was not given a bag claim stub from the TSA agent at Orlando. I have never lost luggage before so I didn't think much about it when I noticed it was not stapled onto the traveling jacket where it usually is.
Upon arrival at Raleigh-Durham, my baggage did not come out of the courasal. It has now been about 24 hours and still no word. I have done research on the matter and it seems only 2% of bags are permanently lost. What do you guys think my chances are of ever retrieving my bag? Also, are there any tips you guys can give for speeding along the process perhaps? Thanks!!!
p.s. All my shoes, clothes, and toiletries were in that bag. So now I am debating whether I should go and buy replacements since I don't have anything. I know you can get the airline to give you a temporary reimbursement for emergency items but it seems like too much of a hassle, at least until I know whether my bag is permanently lost or not.
Lost Baggage Southwest Airlines!!!!!?
well, if 2% of bags are permanently lost, then your chances of getting it back are...um...98%!
was the bag tagged with your name, address and current phone number??
Reply:If you had a tag on the bag with your name, address, phone number....anything to identify who it belongs to, then you have a decent chance of getting it back. However, if there was no form of ID on it, your chances are somewhat slim of seeing that bag again. I guess it depends on how much you are willing to go through, to get some reimbursement.
Reply:My coworker got hers back after a couple of months. So, even when all hope seems lost, there's still a chance you'll get it back. I'd give it another day or so before you buy replacements. But, after a couple of days, you might be looking at a long haul before finding it.
Reply:i'm sympathetic on your plight but, it would be the case that you did not have a baggage claim stub and your baggage might not have the stub as well. negligence on part of the airport personnel and you could have noticed that yourself. your bag might still be in Orlando. do call and inform them of what happened. you're lucky enough to recover your luggage in a week.
Reply:Keep your baggage tag safely with you.... as that is the proof that u checked in your luggage with the airline... and it has the departure and arrival destinations on it
also, keep calling the airlines continuously about the matter
if your bag has your name, address, contact number.,...
city of departure and arrival printed on it...
it will be easier for the airline authorities to send it back to you
good luck and hope u get your stuff
Upon arrival at Raleigh-Durham, my baggage did not come out of the courasal. It has now been about 24 hours and still no word. I have done research on the matter and it seems only 2% of bags are permanently lost. What do you guys think my chances are of ever retrieving my bag? Also, are there any tips you guys can give for speeding along the process perhaps? Thanks!!!
p.s. All my shoes, clothes, and toiletries were in that bag. So now I am debating whether I should go and buy replacements since I don't have anything. I know you can get the airline to give you a temporary reimbursement for emergency items but it seems like too much of a hassle, at least until I know whether my bag is permanently lost or not.
Lost Baggage Southwest Airlines!!!!!?
well, if 2% of bags are permanently lost, then your chances of getting it back are...um...98%!
was the bag tagged with your name, address and current phone number??
Reply:If you had a tag on the bag with your name, address, phone number....anything to identify who it belongs to, then you have a decent chance of getting it back. However, if there was no form of ID on it, your chances are somewhat slim of seeing that bag again. I guess it depends on how much you are willing to go through, to get some reimbursement.
Reply:My coworker got hers back after a couple of months. So, even when all hope seems lost, there's still a chance you'll get it back. I'd give it another day or so before you buy replacements. But, after a couple of days, you might be looking at a long haul before finding it.
Reply:i'm sympathetic on your plight but, it would be the case that you did not have a baggage claim stub and your baggage might not have the stub as well. negligence on part of the airport personnel and you could have noticed that yourself. your bag might still be in Orlando. do call and inform them of what happened. you're lucky enough to recover your luggage in a week.
Reply:Keep your baggage tag safely with you.... as that is the proof that u checked in your luggage with the airline... and it has the departure and arrival destinations on it
also, keep calling the airlines continuously about the matter
if your bag has your name, address, contact number.,...
city of departure and arrival printed on it...
it will be easier for the airline authorities to send it back to you
good luck and hope u get your stuff
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